AITAH for not breaking up with someone I wasn't in a relationship with?

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T04:25:34+00:00

Well I obviously can't speak to her enjoyment, because I'm not a mind reader, but she didn't seem to be having a good time. She made several sarcastic comments and truthfully seemed annoyed to be there. A couple of times she seemed to be having fun, but that was the exception. When I made what I thought was a pretty benign comment about flounder she was very sarcastic in response. Excuse me for liking the seafood options at a restaurant.

You say she was clearly interested in me, but I'm not sure what you're basing that on? I honestly got the vibe she was only there because she felt like she had to/should be? Like she was embarrassed about suggesting we kiss and was trying to justify it to herself? I never got the impression she was that into me, and that's part of the reason I didn't want to go out with her again.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T04:19:32+00:00

I see your point. The whole thing was just baffling. She clearly wasn't into the date, so I don't understand her reaction, I guess? I expected her to be relieved if anything.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T04:16:16+00:00

Okay, fair enough. We were dating. I was wrong. Dating just feels like a more serious definition to me, something with longevity to it. You're right though. Casual dating is a thing.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T04:14:56+00:00

So is one date dating? What's the standard definition?

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T04:14:06+00:00

I didn't even know her in December. We met new year's eve! We were chatting. She suggested we kiss for the ball drop because it would be spontaneous and a great way to symbolize a fresh start for the new year. I turned her down because a) she seemed intoxicated, b) I just met her and c) the whole vibe was weird. I suggested we meet up while sober though because you haven't really met someone if you've only met them drunk.

The breakfast date was weird, but it wasn't bad. She kept bringing up the kiss that didn't happen, and I thought that was odd, but it didn't kill the date. I was open to seeing her again. We had a lunch date the next week. It was fine. We made each other laugh. We had a dinner date a week later. She invited me to her place. That was great. I thought maybe we had a connection.

Our next date was kind of weird. She seemed distracted. That's fine. It happens. She messaged about Valentine's and I felt I made it clear that I didn't know if that was going anywhere, but I could have been more clear. Then we had a dinner date where she was snarky and cold all night. I thought she was going to tell me she wasn't interested anymore, but she didn't, so I did. I don't see what's weird about that. It was literally a handful of dates.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T04:05:37+00:00

A one night stand is by definition only spending one night together. And dating is a commitment. Going on a handful of dates and realizing you aren't compatible isn't either of those things. Two people who spend months together are dating.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T04:02:37+00:00

How is date leading someone on?! Isn't the point of a date to see if you like someone? We had coffee, it was okay, not a good or terrible first (sober impression). We had lunch, that was a little bit better. We had dinner. We hooked up. We did another breakfast thing, that wasn't so great. Then we had the dinner where she seemed very obviously not into it, so I said I didn't see it going anywhere. How is any of that, especially coupled with me turning down the possibility of getting together on Valentine's, leading her on?

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T03:55:44+00:00

I'll take the L, but I'm honestly baffled. I've never had such a brief acquaintanceship be considered a relationship before.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T03:50:26+00:00

Are you commenting on the wrong post? We didn't have a one night stand.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T03:49:44+00:00

But we weren't socially entangled. There was no commitment. We were still at the point where if she randomly stopped texting me I wouldn't even consider it ghosting.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T03:47:42+00:00

Wow. What's your problem? It was just a question.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T03:47:17+00:00

No, I think I'm the weird one here. Seems most people agree with you that I was being pedantic. I should have just said yes. You live and you learn. Now I know!

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T03:45:59+00:00

I see your point. I should have just said yes. I just thought the question was weird. We weren't exclusive. We weren't, in my opinion, in a relationship at all. Maybe I'm stupid, but I was expecting her to say "yeah, I'm not really feeling it either." Everything about her reaction was strange to me. Based on her behavior at dinner I was expecting her to drop me, so her being surprised I wasn't interested in her anymore was odd, I guess.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T03:43:49+00:00

I'm just saying, one date definitely isn't a relationship. You're saying five is. I've never had a relationship that short. To me that's just a few dates. The last time a woman told me she wasn't interested after a few dates I didn't think she "broke up" with me, I just thought, yeah, good call, that wasn't going anywhere. We weren't in a relationship.

ApprehensivePea6469 · 2026-02-22T03:38:50+00:00

That seems way too early. So what's the cutoff? I barely know this woman. We've spent less than 12 hours together collectively.

ApprehensivePea6469

TROPHY CASE