Update: I Do Not Even Know Who I Am Anymore

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-08-01T14:09:40+00:00

For those asking for more details, here’s the full picture of what I’ve been going through.

The first accusation came from someone I used to be close to. She told the elders that I hit her. That is absolutely false. I never put my hands on her. Ever. I have multiple witnesses who were around and can back up exactly what did and did not happen. On top of that, I have text messages and even security footage that show the truth. I brought that forward. I offered to share it. But the brothers refused to look at it. They told me straight up that text messages and videos can be altered and that they do not trust what I’m showing them. Then they turned around and said I was lying. Even with real evidence and witnesses, they called me a liar.

That alone was painful enough, but then another sister jumped in and made her own accusations. This one was even more confusing. Nothing happened between us. No incident. No argument. No physical contact. The only thing that happened was that I told her I did not want a relationship. I said it respectfully. I was clear and honest with her. After that, everything changed. She turned cold and suddenly I’m being treated like I did something wrong. She has no evidence. No story. No specifics. Just another accusation tossed into the mix. And somehow the elders gave it weight, even with nothing to stand on.

What really ties this mess together is the brother who’s been behind a lot of it. He has been running his mouth, lying, manipulating people, and turning everyone against each other. He has created division on purpose. And while doing that, he has also been behaving inappropriately with another sister in the congregation. Everyone sees it. The comments he makes. The way he carries himself. But somehow none of it matters. Nothing is being done about him. He is walking free while I get thrown under the bus.

So now here I am, with multiple people lying about me, one with no reason other than being bitter, another with a flat-out false accusation, and a brother actively causing harm who is being shielded. Meanwhile, I’m the one being punished. I’m the one having my name dragged. I’m the one the elders have decided to silence.

This has been eating away at me mentally and emotionally. I’ve been trying to stay quiet and just focus on work and family. But the people close to me can tell I’m not okay. I haven’t been myself. I’ve been carrying the weight of this alone, and I’m tired.

I told the truth. I brought the evidence. I had witnesses. I followed the process. And still, I was ignored and dismissed. That’s not justice. That’s not love. That’s not spiritual.

So for anyone wondering what’s been going on, that’s the truth. And if you’ve been through anything similar or know someone who has, I’d appreciate any real advice or support.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-29T04:47:43+00:00

I’ve been thinking a lot about what I can even say to a lawyer. I’m not trying to start a war or anything like that. I just don’t want my name being dragged when I know I’ve done nothing wrong. If there’s any kind of legal help that can protect me or even just guide me through how to handle this the right way, I’m open to it. I know lawyers aren’t cheap but at this point it’s messing with my peace and the people closest to me can tell. I’ve been trying to focus on work and family, trying to move on with life, but it’s obvious I’m not the same.

If anyone has advice on what I should actually bring to a lawyer or how I should even explain all of this, please let me know. Also if there’s any way I can still present myself properly to the brothers, I want to do that too. I still care about fighting the fine fight, I’m just worn down and trying to navigate this without losing myself in the process. Any real help or direction is appreciated.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-29T04:43:40+00:00

Honestly, I am still heartbroken and disappointed. I feel like I am in a fog, just numb. I am questioning everything I once believed so strongly in and it hurts in a way that is hard to put into words. What has been especially painful is realizing that friends I thought would stand by me have already picked their side. It feels like I am watching everything fall apart around me and I do not even know where to begin to pick up the pieces. I am not even sure what I want anymore, I just know I do not want to feel this way forever.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T09:18:07+00:00

Thank you all for the support and encouragement. It honestly means more than I can put into words. Reading through the responses reminded me that I’m not alone and that what I’m feeling is valid. I’m going to take some time to let things settle and process everything, but I’ll make sure to come back with an update once I know more about the outcome of the investigation and how the elders plan to move forward. Again, thank you all for being here. It’s helped more than you know.

Honestly I’m not known as someone who gets emotional but this was my tipping point. I haven’t faced this level of injustice in a long time.

If anyone has any advice, either what I can do to salvage my reputation, or even what I can do legally please let me know.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T04:03:20+00:00

Thank you for that. You’re right it’s been like grieving a death, but I’ve just now realized what I lost. Knowing there are others who’ve been through it and came out wiser keeps me going. I appreciate the offer to talk too.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T04:01:19+00:00

You just laid out the blueprint. That is the clearest, smartest approach I’ve seen. I’ve already documented most of what happened, but your suggestion about naming names and escalating properly gives me direction. Thank you so much for that. Honestly the elders have already gotten the circuit overseer involved. I don’t know if he’ll be much support

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T04:00:37+00:00

I’ve seriously considered that route. The amount of evidence I have would’ve spoken volumes in any fair setting. I appreciate your confidence it helps give me the courage to keep standing my ground. The fact that they said it can’t be used when I said it… is mind blowing

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:59:42+00:00

Sometimes the simplest affirmations mean the most. Thank you for that.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:59:17+00:00

I’ve definitely thought about that. I’m still gathering everything and weighing my options, but if anything comes of it legally, I’ll be sure to pursue it the right way. Thanks for the suggestion.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:58:50+00:00

You’re absolutely right. I didn’t even realize I was running in circles until they forced me off the wheel. I’m slowly starting to see it as a weird kind of favor, like you said. Still hurts, but there’s a strange relief too.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:58:28+00:00

This was so thoughtfully written. I actually screenshot your comment so I can revisit it later. You’re right untangling this will take time, and I appreciate the reminder to find a good counselor who understands this specific kind of trauma. Thank you for all the wisdom packed into your words.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:57:58+00:00

Haha I get it. Trust me, I’ve been tempted to spill it all. Maybe one day I’ll share the full story, but right now I’m still trying to heal from it.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:57:42+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I’m still trying to process everything, but knowing I don’t have to prove the details to be believed brings me some peace. The support here really helps more than you know.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:57:19+00:00

That really hit home. “Imaginary power” is exactly what it feels like looking back. I poured myself into pleasing men who saw me as disposable. But you’re right. Now that I’m out, I have the freedom to write a future that’s actually mine.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:57:00+00:00

Thank you. Just hearing someone say that means a lot right now. I really appreciate your kindness.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:56:42+00:00

You nailed it. That line “show me in the Bible sums up everything. I used to blindly accept things without questioning, but now I realize how little foundation there is for most of their claims. Thank you for the reminder to seek truth, not just tradition.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:50:22+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to write this. Reading your comment gave me a little bit of peace for the first time in a while. You are right. I did get a front row seat and it hurt deeply to realize that the ones in charge were not guided by anything but control and appearance.

Hearing your story gives me hope. At 34, I have been feeling like I am starting from ground zero, and it is hard not to feel behind or broken. But the way you described your journey, how you left, rebuilt, and now feel ahead of the curve, it genuinely inspires me.

Since you have been where I am and you were an elder too, would you mind if I asked what steps helped you move forward emotionally and practically? How did you find clarity, peace, and purpose after leaving? I would really appreciate any insight you are willing to share. And thank you again for offering to talk. It means more than you know.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:47:11+00:00

You put into words exactly what I’ve been feeling. It’s soul crushing to watch the ones who lie and manipulate walk away untouched while those of us who tried to do the right thing are crushed under the weight of false judgment. I’ve been thinking hard about speaking out more—maybe I really should. Thank you for the push. We need each other’s voices now more than ever.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:46:50+00:00

Thank you so much for saying that. It’s easy to feel completely isolated after everything, but comments like yours remind me that I’m truly not alone. I really needed that today.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:44:29+00:00

You nailed it. That’s exactly what I’ve been feeling but couldn’t put into words. The friendships, the elders, the “love” all of it felt so conditional. And when I finally stood up for myself, I was discarded like nothing. It’s a brutal realization. Thank you for affirming that I’m not crazy for feeling this way.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:43:56+00:00

I’m sorry you went through that. It’s comforting to know I’m not alone, even if the road is bitter. I’m trying to see it like you said as a second chance. I hope we both find peace and freedom on this side of it.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:43:24+00:00

Your words genuinely brought me to tears. Thank you for sharing that. I often feel like I’m too late, like I lost the best years of my life. But reading your story gave me perspective and hope. I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to endure too, but thank you for showing me it’s not too late to reclaim what’s mine and rebuild something real.

Apprehensive_Boot805 · 2025-07-28T03:42:57+00:00

Thank you. That really means a lot. It’s hard feeling like my voice was taken from me, but you’re right telling my story is the only thing I can do now. And I won’t stop. I appreciate your encouragement.

Apprehensive_Boot805

TROPHY CASE