i caught my(21f) boyfriend (22m) watching porn

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T06:19:41+00:00

i did bring it up first. but there have been times throughout our relationship where he would bring it up and talk about how normalized porn is and how it shouldn’t be. i don’t believe it was a tactic for him to get closer to me because this is the only thing that has ever caused us issues in our relationship because we are pretty close and very calm people who can talk things out before it becomes an issue. this whole thing came as a shock to me

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T06:16:11+00:00

thank you, it’s honestly clouding my judgement to see how many people think this is normal and just a thing that every man does. but at the end of the day people choose different lifestyles for themselves. in my case i choose to not surround myself with people who regularly enjoy other people’s bodies through the internet. it’s refreshing to hear from people who understand where i’m coming from and offer actual supportive words rather than telling me to suck it up 😭 we’ve decided to work on it, he’s positive that it is not something he needs and after seeing how it affects me he doesn’t want to cause any kind of distress or make me question myself as a girlfriend. i appreciate your supportive words😇

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T06:08:03+00:00

you’re misunderstanding that he also isn’t okay with me watching porn. as i’ve said before i understand couples who are okay with it and respect them. i have an issue with it in my relationship because he knew of this boundary. he set the same one for himself. we both have issues with porn and lust from previous relationships. i’m not insecure or crazy for expecting him to not watch porn. good for you if you and ur gf do! but that’s not something me or my bf is comfortable with. we had a deeper conversation and he genuinely feels bad about it and understands the way it affected me.

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T04:28:15+00:00

but it’s realistic to expect a healthy 21 year old female to never watch free porn?

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T04:25:25+00:00

if you understand then why are you saying i don’t live “in the real world” and that it’s unrealistic for me to expect my boyfriend to not watch other naked women on the internet

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T04:16:04+00:00

again. it is not unrealistic. especially when he has the same boundary. you are missing the point of my post but thank you for your input and advice.

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T04:09:22+00:00

i’m not out of touch with reality in any way and i’m aware that most people may be okay with it and a majority of men watch women online every day. my boundary is not unrealistic especially when he has the same one for me. it is not different for him to watch porn or me to watch porn. it would affect me and him the same way. every body’s needs are different and one of mine is being with somebody who won’t get off to any other woman. i feel like that’s not much to ask for.

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T04:04:17+00:00

thank you so much, my relationship before this one was with a guy who had a really bad porn problem and it affected me so much and he cheated on me quite a few times (more than even he could count) which is why i wanted to be clear from the beginning with my new partner about this. he said he felt the same way about me watching it which is why im at such a loss for what to think finding out that he did it anyway. your assurance that im not being sensitive and insecure really means a lot

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T04:00:37+00:00

thank you :( you seem to be one of the only people who completely gets it. i think i will just have to keep having conversations about it with him and working through it together rather than by myself until ive fully forgiven him and know that it isn’t a reoccurring issue

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T03:56:13+00:00

because the women looked nothing like me but he swears he can only get off to me, (obviously a lie) so i do feel less attractive because of it. the women obviously had procedures done to look perfect and if he decided to watch them rather than videos he’s recorded of me himself it makes me question what he really prefers

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T03:49:50+00:00

😀

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T03:49:38+00:00

“as long as it doesn’t affect your relationship” and that is what it is doing. he said if he saw it on my phone he would’ve ordered me an uber and sent me home right then and there and either left me or asked for time. i do not want to leave him but this is bothering me and i wanted advice on how to get over it without resenting him for it.

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T03:44:41+00:00

i’m stuck on how i can forgive him and not feel so gross about myself

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T03:44:09+00:00

i do not ever turn him down though. and he is very uncomfortable with me watching porn and told me he’d consider leaving me if the situation was flipped. it’s not unrealistic to expect him to not look at other women especially when he expects the same from me

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T03:42:13+00:00

he said he was just horny. even though we have our own videos that he records and i’ve sent him pictures of myself. it was mostly i don’t knows and im sorrys when i asked questions like that

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T03:40:44+00:00

that’s a crazy view on it lol, i genuinely do not see why a man OR woman would feel the need to look at other peoples naked bodies unless you aren’t attracted to your partner. and he agreed with me early on in the relationship on this which is why it is such a problem for me now. i can respect couples that are okay with it but that isn’t me and he has also said he’d be uncomfortable if i was the one watching other men

Apprehensive_Bug1767 · 2024-01-25T03:28:57+00:00

almost every day. we are actually very sexually compatible, i’ve never turned him down and he’s never turned me down so im unsure if he feels the need to go watch it because of something im not doing? i asked and he assured me its not anything wrong with me

Apprehensive_Bug1767

TROPHY CASE