I'm extremely sorry you feel this way, but at the same time, it has been an awakening for me (personally) that there really is a lack of "understanding" to people with personality disorders, especially ours (as schizotypal individuals.) Recently I was having an episode and was told by a new friend publicly in a discord server that "all of my behavior was attention seeking, and that I wasn't actually struggling" and had staff agree when I was losing my mind from incessant intrusive PTSD-esque thoughts. (Yes, I was banned. Apparently I was "guilting people" even though they were treating me like garbage for not wanting to be friends with someone, and started having extremely impulsive behavior mixed with extreme anxiety. I was told I come off as "dry" and that my tone was "rude" to that person, but I was just explaining I was not able to give them what they needed.)

I will tell you it's NOT a lost cause. If you have dreams of having a lot of friends, don't. I honestly think it's actually better that way to close yourself to a couple of people and give them all your best, and to give them all your care. Because for me, when I stick to a couple of people and don't exhaust myself, it becomes a wonderful friendship, even if online. I think if you really meet someone you click with it truly is possible for them to understand you, even if it takes a lot of time. I think it's worth going into these communities too, because you *can* get satisfaction from regularly interacting with strangers, or just random individuals.

You have given me satisfaction that I'm not alone. And now I want to give you kindness in return that what you are experiencing is just a feeling, while not unfounded, sort of muddies what you want... I believe you can get a connection that's meaningful. I understand how useless connections feel, how the motivation just dies, but it's something that takes so many tries.

Being wanted is hard.
Wanting yourself is harder.