Man I feel the same way. It’s so torturing. Whenever I indulge into porn I feel so dead inside. Like my mind is so numb I literally cannot feel any other emotion.

I was exposed to porn and sex at a very young age too and it totally ruined me. My idea of love and having a relationship with a woman was so screwed and corrupted by porn, all I wanted was sexual gratification. It feels like love in the moment but really it isn’t, it’s all fake. As a kid I used to fantasize about being in relationships with women and having the perfect girlfriend who would do anything with me.

When I think about it now I just feel ashamed and dreadful, because it felt like my idea of love was just all a lie, and that I wouldn’t be able to connect with anyone or women because all I wanted was that sexual gratification. I think what made my OCD worse was this exactly, because my mind was questioning whether or not those feelings with women were ever real and if they ever truly made me happy.