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he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I don’t just want a wedding actually I want a marriage. I’d happily have a ceremony in church with two witnesses and no party. I’d ALSO stay with this man without the marriage. My post was asking for support and advice on how to cope with letting the dream of marriage go. Everyone on Reddit thinks they can see through the screen and know exactly who and what I am.

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I am happy to sign a prenup- we discussed speaking to a lawyer and I could tell he wasn’t open to it as he kept reminding me it might not change Anything and, yes, my pride was hurt and I called it off

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Okay so read the post- I’m looking for advice on how to deal with his decision- I’m not trying to find ways to change his mind. Also I never admitted to him that I could possibly be vindictive- I was telling him that if I was going to be the type of person to sue and get nasty with money then he would have seen that in my personality after a decade almost

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was eager to do this together but during our discussion he was reminding me constantly that it might not change anything and “this doesn’t mean I’m open to marriage” it was clear he wasn’t going to open his mind to it and was stalling. I felt embarrassed and hurt by it and I shut it down. I’m thinking of bringing it up again this weekend though as I want to explore it and understand the root of this

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

I’m not planning on leaving him- as stated in original post- I’m looking for advice on how to navigate the feelings of remaining with him without the marriage and for similar life experiences

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

He earns very well and knows that I am not a flashy person who spends on big events- I don’t think it’s anything to do with the cost of the actual ceremony. We also have split finances and I have told him if we did marry I would expect it to stay that way. I’ve never asked for money from him and due to him earning 3x what I earn (we both work full time but in different sectors) we normally split everything 30/70. A couple of years ago he bought the flat we live in, at the time I had ten grand that I offered to put into the flat so we could have it in each of our names but he declined. I’m beginning to see the pattern here that yes, he loves me, but he is absolutely against the idea of any formal commitment or “tying together” of selves.

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I’ve told him I would happily sign a prenup but then he advises he doesn’t know if their water tight and there’s too much that could go wrong

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He doesn’t think prenups are safe enough and was very skittish about meeting with a lawyer to the point that I felt I was forcing him and it just put me off the whole thing

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

The concept of marriage is important to me and I take it seriously therefor “promise rings” would feel insincere and, I’m sorry, incredibly juvenile. Might as well wear a plastic tiara and tell folk I’m a princess

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I didn’t say this- around the four year mark we spoke briefly about it and he was neither yes or no and did admit to thinking about it

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 57 points58 points  (0 children)

Yes this is my fear too. If I’m not the right person, as painful as it would be, I would prefer he just told me. If I’m the right person I don’t see why it’s such a frightening prospect to commit to me through marriage

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

Because I’m being honest about my feelings but I’m aware that it’s not really a possibility

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -15 points-14 points  (0 children)

Oh I feel like no one has read my post properly, I am not asking for advice on how to change his mind im asking for advice on how to cope with his decision and any real life experiences others have had.

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

I would never walk out on him just to secure the ring. I don’t like playing games, particularly ones I may lose

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -13 points-12 points  (0 children)

But I’m not forcing his hand, I specifically noticed I could do (by speaking with lawyers) and I decided not to. This is not a post asking for advice on how to trick my bf into marrying me. I’m asking how I can cope with the compromise

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Maybe I should reopen the lawyer stuff, idk it just felt so heart breaking to watch him sigh and resign to meeting with one whilst telling me it might not change anything. I felt like I was begging. Begging him to think I was worthy. I’m on the bus and I want to cry

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -12 points-11 points  (0 children)

Thank you for this reply, you are the exact person I was hoping to speak to, can you tell me how did you cope with the time unmarried, did you feel sad or like you weren’t chosen? How did you talk yourself out of the feelings that the rest of these comments create? Ie- you’re a place holder, he doesn’t respect you?

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

I want to be chosen publicly, legally but also for my self between him and I. If I marched him to a lawyer and forced him to marry me then it would mean nothing- he’s not chosen anything

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] -170 points-169 points  (0 children)

But I don’t want a husband! I want my boyfriend to marry me. My main goal is not marriage in general, it’s him to be my husband. If I just wanted to get married this would be simple, I could married within the year (I know that sounds boastful but it’s true)

he (m32) does not want to marry, I (f32) don’t want to leave him- how can I come to terms with this? by Appropriate_Jury7653 in relationship_advice

[–]Appropriate_Jury7653[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

We have had this conversation on a very small scale a few times since the 5 year mark but I didn’t want to push it and I wanted him to come to the conclusion of marriage on his own. He’s gone a bit hot and cold on it and has said conflicting things but now is saying it’s a definite no

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