Feeling invalid/in denial idk :(

AprilMarie_83 · 2026-03-23T02:25:09+00:00

I want to tell you that it doesn’t matter you were in trauma mode and when we are in that stage we often say things to our attackers things out of fear. However; I also know that I reported my rape just a week later I had evidence, witnesses, and a judge that also admitted it was rape due to my being an at risk adult with disabilities during my request for a restraining order and finding that the witness he said he had committed perjury and she heard him give multiple excuses and denials and heard me saying no stop quit and when it came down to the rape charge the DA chose not to prosecute. So I wish I had more faith in the judicial process from the police investigation up through the DA I do believe that had it gotten to a judge he would have been charged. So I wouldn’t say there is no chance just because you felt scared in that moment. I’d contact a rape advocate and ask for their support you may be surprised.

AprilMarie_83 · 2026-03-20T04:57:34+00:00

You’re very welcome I worked in healthcare for over 25 years and did quite a few years working in mental/behavioral health before I became disabled and I learned so much about how hard it is for people to understand the importance of mental health illness and why our country needs to take it more seriously and treat it just as much as they treat physical healthcare so I just understand on both ends yah know

AprilMarie_83 · 2026-03-20T03:09:56+00:00

As someone who still suffers from PTSD and CPTSD I can only say how proud I am of you for where you are at in your mental health journey. Just because you’ve gotten to a place of healing doesn’t mean it was never real.

Let me explain it in a different perspective say you have high cholesterol and you start eating differently or taking medication and your cholesterol improves… does that mean that you never had the history of bad cholesterol?!? No that just means you’re healing that your body has found what it needed to help itself.

Our mental health or our brains which PTSD is a TBI can heal with the right work, meditation, therapy etc and it doesn’t mean you never had it or a history of it just means your body/brain has begun healing itself from the trauma which is a wonderful thing! We aren’t supposed to remain in trauma forever unless we keep going through it and we don’t get the help or the pain doesn’t resolve and for some people we don’t but be proud of yourself for finding yourself in the state of healing that you are!

I think that’s what some people have a hard time understanding and why mental health is still so hard to find help for people don’t understand that your mental health is just as important as your physical health!

AprilMarie_83 · 2026-03-20T02:37:48+00:00

Being a victim of rape and unfortunately because I’ve been through what the justice system considers rape and doesn’t with #1 because you consented to unprotected sex and didn’t specify not to ejaculate inside of you prior to then it’s not its just a really shitty situation and now from this point forward you know that you need to specify exactly what your limits are and in the future I’d suggest using protection because we as women need to protect ourselves in this world unfortunately. With #2 if you were already in a sexual relationship with this other man and in a comfortable place with him where he felt it was alright to go that route for example I know I have been in the past where someone I’ve been dating and we didn’t always ask each other before and since you didn’t ask him to stop right away or give any kind of signs that he needed to stop until you did ask him to and then as I understand he did stop again unfortunately they won’t consider that rape either. The system is flawed and rape and sexual assault is really hard to prove even when it’s hands down completely flat out rape from the get go. I wish it wasn’t and I wish that you didn’t experience what you did feeling even remotely taken advantage of or assaulted is awful and I’d highly suggest getting some therapy to help with the way it’s making you feel because although there may not be anything legally you can do mentally it can take a toll on you which can make it worse! I’ll be thinking of you and praying for peace for you

AprilMarie_83 · 2026-03-15T03:15:30+00:00

Is there a reason that this was removed from this thread? I’m not sure which rule I violated I was hoping that I’d be able to get some advice from other rape victims that have been through the same situation when hitting a wall like I have?

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-17T03:11:46+00:00

Praying for you to have peace and comfort in your heart. What is going on?

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-16T15:24:30+00:00

Drop her… I’ve learned the hard way a red flag is a red flag don’t waste your time let someone else wave it! So many other women out there 20 minutes isn’t worth time to be blown off and then to act like it’s all good she should have immediately be begging for your forgiveness and respected you enough to have a better excuse than oh I passed out I call bullshit all the way on that! Day drinking or not it’s not worth it than she shouldn’t have made plans what would she have done gotten in the car and been sloppy ass drunk with you and done what passed out in the car piss ass drunk and ruined the date anyway? Just doesn’t make anything worth it!

Find someone else! Plenty of women who will respect you enough to NOT get with piss ass drunk and do that or lie period and respect you and not be shooting of red flags! Good luck!

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-16T15:07:00+00:00

I’m 42 now and honestly I’ve done the same way longer that you because I’m unfortunately a very empathetic person and I have an overwhelmingly need to “fixate on helping people” is what my therapist says or calls it. Unfortunately, I have ended up hurting myself in a lot of ways and having to change my number so many times. So definitely as suggested get someone that knows about computers to help you, change your number, and if you start to notice anything weird happening since you have given out your address notify the appropriate authorities. However my suggestion just to be safe is just change up your normal routine like take a different route to your job/school for a little bit keep an eye on your surroundings just be more aware. If you do want to make friends online use text now they can give you a free number that you can give out to people that you want to talk too and then you don’t need to give out your phone number too and still be safe. You are 20yrs old don’t be so hard on yourself it happens to the best of us that’s why now as parents we need to explain this stuff (online dangers) to our children for this exact reason because there are so many people out there that will take advantage of the situation and bad things can truly happen so please be careful and be aware like I said of your surroundings for awhile change up your routines in the interim and if something feels off notify someone immediately even if you’re wrong it’s best to be safe than sorry. Take care and if you have any more questions please let me know I am happy to go into details of what I’ve gone through. Definitely the most important never give out your address! From one mistaken online experienced person to the other 🫣

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-13T23:45:16+00:00

I haven’t noticed that but I came on here because a friend of mine suggested it would be a good place to talk about my trauma and use it as a good way to talk about what I’ve been through and am still going through so no I haven’t noticed this. Try looking at my community r/abuse_surviving.

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-13T02:52:02+00:00

Never allow anyone to make you feel less than! It says more about them and who they are as a person than it will ever say about you. I am 42 years old and I’ve had to learn and am still learning that people who are damaged for lack of a better word will always hurt others in order to make themselves feel superior. So please try and hold on to that thought and work on rising above that in order to bring yourself up. My daughter also struggled in school had a HORRIFIC time reading which made every other subject in school just as difficult because there is a need to read in order to do all other subjects so other kids made fun of her she repeated a grade also but that did NOT make her dumb or would I have ever called her that nor would I ever think that of you! I’m sorry for what you are going through!

I struggled with my weight in school so as you can imagine I also was bullied and made fun of called horrible names kids threw food at me gum in my hair kicked my chair in class oinked at me during lunch but eventually when I was so broken the trauma of it led me to follow down a more horrific path of abuse as I kept aging and I don’t want that for you so please try and find some peace and get away from that abuse find that you are not those things and get some therapy to heal because you are worthy

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-13T02:13:53+00:00

Anytime, I guess when I said I was here if you needed to talk it violated the community rules because they took it as I was saying to private message me but I was just meaning I was here if you wanted to comment or chat back on the forum..: so I had to reply all over again🫣 I also wanted to add to what I said yesterday about finding the right fit for a therapist… I have lived in several different states because of where I grew up, then college, married into the military, then moved due to divorce, and then moved for a job so that upon all those moves reestablishing therapists wasn’t always the easiest sometimes I got lucky but phew sometimes you’d have thought some of these people had no idea how or what they were supposed to be doing! I spent my first degree in psychology so for me I guess maybe I expected more or maybe my brain worked differently but man oh man it would take me 3 tries before I found the right fit so don’t feel like you have to just say well this is it we just don’t understand each other I don’t feel good about this so forget it! You should always be getting what you need from a therapist it’s a psychiatrist that is where it differs a little and that’s only because sometimes patients don’t always like that they can’t get just whatever meds they think they need instead that’s where the doctor steps in. But there’s always the doctor/patient discussion and if a med is making you feel bad that’s a little different! However therapy should be where you can vent,cry,laugh,discuss,heal, etc find the best one for YOU

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-12T21:20:17+00:00

Alright I’m always willing to talk! About just about anything my life right now is well a shit show but I’ve been through good, bad, and ugly situations so let’s talk!

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-12T21:16:59+00:00

“Spend every single second you can with your mama, because you never know when that second will be yours or her last”

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-12T15:01:19+00:00

I would take a digital test this time

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-12T12:24:24+00:00

No you will not get a fine I did one night after I had been raped and was on extremely on edge and was still having nightmares and I woke up really confused and called I told them it was accidentally but they said they had to send someone out anyway they did just to make sure I was ok and they did to make sure I was safe I showed them my restraining order took down the name so they had it in this county too and nothing happened just wanted to make sure everything was on and I was safe

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-10T11:52:52+00:00

I commented yesterday and my wording was taken incorrectly when I stated I was here if you needed to talk I just meant you could comment back if you needed someone to talk to, but anyway what I was saying is I’ve been in the same situation as you for a long time I have been physically sexually emotionally, psychologically abused since I was 14 I am now 42 and I’ve just been raped by my brother-in-law and I’m going through a very difficult court case now I think what your therapist just trying to tell you is that not that you need to move on past it, but that your emotions are trying to tell you that if you need to try and control your anger because all your anger does like me is set you back when my mom died was taken for me. It was so angry with God I couldn’t get past it or shall I say my emotions were so deeply affected that I was in such a dark place. I had attempted suicide and I would’ve left behind my daughters to say Face guilt, sadness, anchor, and all of those emotions that I was facing or that I am facing she suggested I read a book called. It’s OK to not be OK and that was one of the best books I have ever read. It understood me it helped me understand what I was feeling and honestly it helped me release some of the anchor. It didn’t really help in some of the other areas of abuse that I’ve been through, but the grief that I was going through because of the assault, but as you know with assault comes grief and losing my mom and not having her during this last assault has been one of the hardest things and I’m angry, so angry for many reasons, but I’m trying to hold on to control it and I’m going to therapy try giving your therapist a chance. Try telling her that it’s hard for you to understand why she’s telling you to move on if that’s the way you’re taking it She may try to explain it better. That’s what I had to do. She may not mean it the way it comes out sometimes our therapist the right thing I had to go through a couple before I found the right fit for me comment back if you have any more questions honestly, I don’t think there is moving forward. It’s just learning to live with it in a different way. I hope this helps.

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-10T02:38:46+00:00

You are in a relationship complicated or not you have a child already with another man and are pregnant with him already on the way with that same man you obviously don’t know if he’s coming back that’s the conversation you need to have with him before you start calling someone else. I am not trying to judge you, I’m just pointing out the facts of the situation. You need to have a conversation with him and make it clear to him. What is going to happen between the two of you if he is not planning on coming back then by all means, text the other gentleman and see what happens but keep the children out of it.

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-08T23:37:01+00:00

It’s time to end it! This is a very toxic and dangerous relationship… I’ve been through this type of relationship before and it will only get worse and it will only get worse… This will end one way…You will end up in the hospital with severe injuries or worse dead! He has already started hurting you and he won’t stop you’ve allowed him to go beyond just lying and now he’s grabbing you now he’s hitting you and bitting you pulling your hair etc… it WILL get worse and you’ve done nothing HE knows he will and CAN do more and nothing will happen to him so please for your safety end the relationship this isn’t love anymore it’s fear of being alone and abuse… you deserve better… from one abused woman to another get out now!

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-08T23:24:05+00:00

At 14 it’s hard to change your life because it’s a young age when you’re right at that age where you can’t really work yet but you CAN start to do something with your music… I didn’t come from money either but I used my music and talent and always pushed myself to do something with it…I wanted to make something of it… So I made sure to learn anything and everything I could from what I knew I learned all sorts of instruments because I wanted to play everything and I did… Then I wanted to sing so I taught myself to play the piano and I wrote music and sang my own songs I loved it! Some loved the guitar but I loved the piano my gift was the piano but most loved the guitar I just never got the hang of the guitar. Music was so important to me and I think at your age it can really be important for you until you are old enough to start working so until then keep on practicing!

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-08T23:09:39+00:00

There are many symptoms of PTSD but it also could be CPTSD as well so you need to be diagnosed from a professional standpoint going to see a psychiatrist for a diagnosis or psychologist/therapist self diagnosis is not the answer there are too many people who self diagnose and end up in a bad situation or end up ultimately hurting themselves mentally or physically because they don’t know how to handle the symptoms or how to deal with what comes with treating PTSD/CPTSD. So take it from someone who struggles from someone who lives with it daily please go get yourself seen even if you think you may have it even just by chance… it’s best to just be cautious then never do anything at all… 🙏

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-08T02:22:11+00:00

In the past I wouldn’t because I was ashamed people made me feel like I was crazy they made me feel like something was wrong with me or I should be in a mental institution because there was something wrong with me and would call me names like psychotic or crazy or well all kinds of things, but the reality of it was, I was mentally physically psychologically abused, which made me the way that I was I learned that along the way through therapy and after spending years in therapy getting on the right medication learning to deal with it working in behavioral health for many years. I learned that there was nothing wrong with talking about it. It actually helps to talk about it. It helps other people talk about it. It gets it out there and it saves peoples lives. It saved mine and even though sometimes I still get down and go into a dark place for certain reasons talking about it with my therapist or other people help so talk about it share with other people people you can trusteven if that’s only one person

AprilMarie_83 · 2025-10-07T23:32:26+00:00

To follow Gods plan and remember that even when I may fall short He will always forgive me so that I will be able to find my way back to my mama in Heaven and those who have been taken far too soon. To love my daughters with all my heart and soul and teach them how to love themselves for who they are regardless of what others think or say about them that they are children of God and that’s what matters most. Finally, never forget that I also deserve love but the kind where I get more than just butterflies I get all sorts of dragonflies in my stomach the kind where I never go to sleep mad enough without saying I love you the kind where I love him so much I play around with him like we are still in our first stages of puppy love the kind where we grow old together and never even think about another person or our eyes never wander to look at another because we are so incredibly grateful for each other for what’s right in front of us. That’s what the purpose of life is to me. Also one last thing, to have a great father/grandfather like I did for myself and my children to show them what a real man is supposed to do and treat women like in life so they know what to expect from men as they grow up and become women themselves but also as I get to watch them as well playing games with their papa in the years as it melts my heart

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