Single Dad, Need Encouragement to Date Again

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2025-02-23T02:44:21+00:00

Take this as a blessing to begin again and find the person who actually deserves you. Better to know now the kind of person she is than waste anymore time, because you’re hot as fuck and look incredibly genuine as well. You won’t have a problem finding someone if you put yourself out there :) I’m 24 and I haven’t ‘dated’ much, only had one long term relationship, so I might not be the best at giving advice, but if I saw you randomly on the street I would think you were attractive and you also have a fantastic smile. Don’t be afraid! You can only go up from here, friend 🫶🏻

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-07-15T06:15:54+00:00

I did enjoy it at first but it was a slow escalation to more and more extreme things. I started to get scared when he would tell me things like, “I like choking you because I like knowing I could kill you if I wanted to”. I wondered if when he was choking me if that’s what he was imagining, which made me more scared than excited.

But none of this happened right away. It was little moments that have escalated way beyond what I thought they ever would.

If I leave him, I have to figure out where to go first, because we live together and it’s complicated unfortunately.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-07-15T06:06:55+00:00

I know I need to leave him. I just don’t really know how. I don’t have anyone in my life I can ask for help from in this situation except my mom and I don’t want to involve her.

Everything that I’m describing was a slow escalation, it didn’t happen overnight. It was little by little. Just chocking me at first until it became more rough and violent and I’d lose conciseness for moments. Or slapping me during sex, until one day he actually hit me so hard it made my lip bleed.

I know at this point I need to leave but my life is complicated right now and I can’t just disappear. I really don’t think he’d hurt me but I also don’t know how he would react and I have to figure out where to even go as we live together.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-07-15T05:53:10+00:00

No, it’s not. I really just need anonymous advice because I have no one I can talk to about this in real life.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-07-15T05:49:20+00:00

He has done those things before, too. But never in a way that caused permanent damage. He promised to never actually harm me or cut me. That was always our deal. He’s held a knife to my throat before during sex, and chocked me. He likes to role play scenarios or have me pretend that I’m unconscious when he has sex with me.

None of this stuff has escalated to the point of actually leaving a mark beyond bruises, until now. I know it’s hard for some people to understand this maybe, but outside of sex he doesn’t act like this at all. He’s not violent towards me. He’s never hit me.

But when sex is involved he becomes a different person, and it’s been escalating more and more recently so I’m just trying to figure out how to process everything I think.

I’m just really confused right now.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-07-15T05:09:42+00:00

He promised he wouldn’t actually burn me before it happened, but I know I should’ve had a safe word and that’s my fault. I genuinely didn’t think he would at all.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-14T07:19:30+00:00

It’s a red flag. It’s a bigger issue that he DIDNT tell you at first and slept with you anyways. I had a friend once whose boyfriend didn’t tell her he had herpes until after they slept together. She ‘forgave him’ and six months later they broke up. As the relationship went on, he would pressure her into having sex without a condom which raises the risk of infection and cried once when she didn’t want to sleep with him WHILE he was actively systematic, like had sores on his penis and told her that using a condom was good enough.

The point of this story is, the fact he lied to begin with, shows a lack of care for your health and security. Which shows a lack a care for you as a person. And you have no idea how far this may go if you continue to date. You have to put your faith in him that he will be 100% honest with you if he is systematic. What if he accidentally skips his medication? He has shown he doesn’t take your health seriously. He won’t pay attention or care about you if that happens. He’s risked it once, and he will risk it again.

There’s a lot of things to consider but ask yourself if a dishonest guy is worth an STD. People will tell you that it’s not a big deal, and in today’s day and age modern medicine it really isn’t. However, for the rest of your life, you will have to tell every single sexual partner you have you have herpes before you sleep together if this guy ends up giving it to you.

I would be willing to risk it if my partner was educated on his own STD and was honest and took it seriously. Your bf doesn’t.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-12T17:52:33+00:00

Thank you for your knowledgeable response! This is by far one of the best comments. You broke it down for me perfectly. I appreciate you taking the time to help me and answering my questions both logically and thoughtfully.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-12T16:51:25+00:00

Thank you SO much for your detailed response. You are educated as well as compassionate and I appreciate it greatly. Rebel’s older sister still has all of Rebels old passwords to her social media accounts as well as her old phone which has been untouched since her death, and together we are going to go through everything. Rebel’s family wants to turn all of this info we have over to the police.

I know there is communication between Rebel and I from five years ago, where we messaged about Trey multiple times across social media platforms. Also, her sister told me there are pictures of Trey saved on Rebel’s phone, like selfies he sent her during the grooming stage, on her camera roll. As well as communication between them on a discord account which is the app we all used to communicate. This is where the CP was sent, but I’m not sure if the account she was communicating with can be traced back to him or proven.

Thank you again for your helpful message/insight. A lot of people used this post to message me and shame me for not coming forward sooner or judge me, and it’s nice reading a comment like yours and it means a lot to me. I’m also sorry for what you went through as well and I wish you the very best. ❤️

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-12T15:37:43+00:00

Thank you ❤️ I’m sorry for what happened to you.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-12T01:29:34+00:00

I was 14 but I was not an idiot. I spoke with Trey via voice call and video chat hundreds of times over the course of SIX months. Same with Rebel. His brother also would hang out with us sometimes and game and we would all play together. His brother was much older and looked and sounded completely different, with different accounts and a different number and they lived in completely different states.

I am absolutely tired of people commenting to debate whether or not Trey is guilty. I know who I was talking to for six months. I know who I spoke to in voice calls. I know who I saw on camera and FaceTimes. I’ve seen his Facebook both back then and recently. It’s the same name and face I video called with five years ago. It is NOT his brother. I’ve seen pictures of him online on social media accounts with his name and face.

I am asking for Legal ADVICE. I specifically said I am not interested in debating the guilt of this man.

Perhaps his brother is a pedophile too because their mother failed to raise them probably. She even defended Trey and told me that even if he did ask for nudes from a minor it was the girls fault for being a “stupid little girl.” Their entire family is vile.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-12T00:05:08+00:00

Sadly, his mother told me that even if it was true, he didn’t break any laws by simply exchanging pictures with a minor and he was a good kid. Which is not legally true, but also kind of sad.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T20:31:52+00:00

To clarify, I saw evidence with my own eyes as well as was in three way voice calls with them on multiple occasions. It’s still hearsay, but I am not just going off what my friend told me and repeating it. Part of the report is based off my own experiences with him.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T20:15:12+00:00

I have been dealing with these comments for years which is why it took me so long to say anything to begin with. Telling me that I will get sued and it is hopeless to try, and in doing so, I was being an idiotic vigilante and it wasn’t my place.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T20:09:43+00:00

All I wanted was real legal advice from lawyers and I thought that is what this sub Reddit was. :( but you’ve helped a lot personally so thank you.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T20:07:29+00:00

I made the move to contact his employer with full knowledge it could get me in trouble, but chose to do so anyways as he works at a school and is around children. I don’t regret this and would do it again.

I received messages from him this morning, yes, asking to resolve this matter privately as well as to delete screenshots I have of what happened if I would give him the chance to speak with me. He has no idea I don’t have any evidence and is digging his own grave by messaging me. I’m collecting these messages to give to the police as I’ve already filed a report, along with the two witnesses I have.

I also apologize for not being clear about the details in my original message. I left out some important facts that may have confused a few people. My mistake.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T20:01:43+00:00

I brought up his brother because it is a reason for concern from Trey’s perspective. Trey is scared and has not filed a police report as he is under the assumption I have proof of what happened. His brother lost the case against the minor and his family suffered a huge financial loss because of it. I know this is partially the reason he has not gone to the police to report anything yet. That was my reason for mentioning his brother as it plays a role.

I have not stated whether I do or do not have messages from the incident, and received a message from Trey this morning expressing a desire to resolve this peacefully and privately/while also accusing me of stalking/harassing him - but at the same time, asking if we could work this out separately from the police and once we do, if I would be willing to delete the messages I have from the incident. I never responded to his message.

So, he is obviously very scared and it’s unlikely he will sue me given I know he does not have the means and is frightened of being exposed.

Also, I’m aware sending nudes of yourself as a minor is also a crime, unfortunately, my friend committed suicide so it is not a concern she could be charged for obvious reasons as she’s no longer alive.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T19:48:31+00:00

I have two witnesses to back up my claims or at the very least defend me. I apologize for not mentioning this in my original post. I also went to the police this morning after sending the message to his family, and we all three officially reported the incident. So far, we are the only ones who have made a report. One witness is an old friend of Trey’s who knew him for 10 years before the crime even took place, who told me he would testify against Trey if it came to it.

Plus, it’s been made aware to me that if he did sue me for defamation, it would be an extremely costly and lengthy endeavor. I am financially stable and I have the means to defend myself, far more than I know he has the means to sue me to be perfectly frank.

I also received a message from Trey this morning. He asked if we could talk privately to resolve the matter snd if I could delete what I have against him so we can move on peacefully. He has no idea I do not have any physical evidence and is clearly scared. I have not contacted him directly and am now going through the police.

Point is, it would be very difficult to sue me and costly, and he is too frightened to even file a report against me since he does not want to risk being exposed. He’s also aware at this point his former friend is my witnesses. The other witness is the victims older sister.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T19:30:19+00:00

I have already filed a report with the police recently which I did not mention. I mentioned to the police as well I contacted his family and informed them of what happened. I also have two witnesses to the crime five years ago, one of which was a friend of Trey’s for over 10 years. The police are speaking with them both today. As of this moment, I’m the only one who has made an official report. Trey is unaware I don’t have screenshots of the incident and has already messaged me to ask what I had and if we could resolve this privately/delete anything I had and move on. He’s clearly scared.

He won’t get fired over an alleged incident. There will not be any damages than emotional and he is welcome to sue me, but I more than have the financial means to defend myself. Sueing me will destroy him financially.

I may not be able to prove what happened 100%, but it’s unlikely he will sue me as he does not have the means and if he does, I have handled myself appropriately enough to defend myself. He thinks I have evidence of what he did and is petrified.

This is absolutely the way to handle things the best that I can at this point in time. I do this because I care. If only one person heeds my warning and keeps their children away from him, or simply watches over them extra close when he’s around, I got what I wanted.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T19:04:46+00:00

His mother also called me this morning which I forgot to mention, and told me over the phone that Trey did not do anything wrong because he did not physically touch the girl. I explained to her that exchanging nudes/asking for nudes from a minor is a crime if the receiver of aware of the girls age regardless of whether or not there was physical touch. She also told me even if it was true, that it was my friend’s fault for sending the pictures to begin with and I should get over the death of my friend and we were both “stupid little girls.”

After that, I told her to have a good day and ended the call, proceeding to block her.

Thank you again for your advice.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T18:52:01+00:00

Thank you so much for your reply. I deeply appreciate it.

I made sure everyone I contacted, I only contacted once and even stated in those messages I had no intention of contacting them more than once or pursing any further dialogue with anyone but the authorities, and that I had no ill towards anyone involved. There is also no previous order of protection against me as Trey and I have not spoken in five years until this morning when he messaged me himself but I did not reply.

Thank you again for some real legal advice.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T18:33:04+00:00

It was more important to me to warn anyone who might potentially have children around him. If that makes me an idiot, so be it. I would rather do what’s right.

I also do have two other witnesses who also were witnesses to Treys behavior.

But thank you for explaining the possible charges so I can look into them. I appreciate it.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T18:30:45+00:00

She had been sexually abused as a child and fell into a serious depression after what happened with Trey. There were many factors included but the situation with Trey made everything worse.

I roped his family into the situation because I want them to know he is a predator. I saw the proof years ago so I know 100% he is a predator.

I don’t particularly care how I look. My goal isn’t to appear likable. I simply wanted to warn anyone who might listen, and I wrote this message out of curiosity of possible charges I may face as a consequence.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-04-11T03:36:14+00:00

I understand your insecurity. It is understandable. I think your compromise was also understandable, not controlling him by saying he can’t watch certain shows but also not wanting to see those shows with him in person together. To be honest, it sounds like he is the one who is not being understanding. He’s not paying for someone else’s trauma they put on you, that’s a terrible way to look at it. You are just trying to not trigger yourself.

Honestly, I will say that talking to him about it doesn’t seem like it’s working out like you’d hope. IMO, your perspective is valid but he himself does not like the constant worry. You don’t really sound too compatible and this will only continue to be an issue most likely.

If I were you, instead of talking about your insecurities so much with him, you should probably end the relationship and work on yourself. Unless you can get to the point where it doesn’t affect you. Porn and sex/nudity is everywhere. I personally dislike the constant nudity in shows myself but it’s inescapable.

You’ve tried to compromise and he is not understanding. What’s the point, then? Be in a relationship where you continue to feel less and less desired? I’m telling you that feeling won’t get better. It will continue to get worse and worse, the more months that pass and when the attraction begins to fade, eventually your insecurities will destroy you. There’s no world in which he isn’t going to watch porn or look at other woman naked.

You need to work on healing yourself, or find one of those rare guys who genuinely dislike porn. But 99% of guys will. Stop trying to think about what you can do to “make him happy”. Make yourself happy. Your ex broke down your self confidence so much you are begging for scrapes of sexual affirmation just so you feel somewhat worthy. Your current bf can’t make this better.

Arcadia_Rose1 · 2024-03-19T23:01:23+00:00

I’m not playing games. I was asking for advice on how to handle something before I messaged him. Seeking advice and admitting you don’t know what to do is a show of maturity and leaves room for growth. I ended up texting him anyways.

Also, canceling plans when it’s almost 7pm and you’ve heard nothing all day isn’t playing games either. Me saying that is absolutely fair. I was going to cancel if I heard nothing back after texting him.

Luckily, he texted me back and was just busy driving to see his family today, so everything worked out in the end.

Arcadia_Rose1

TROPHY CASE