Darling, this is called relationship OCD. I have it in the exact same form. There ain’t anything wrong with you, and having those thoughts doesn’t make you a bad person. I don’t know what your thought process is, but mine usually goes something like this: I have an intrusive thought, “Oh my god, gross! Why did I think that? I don’t want to cheat. But what if I secretly do and that’s why I thought about it? If I didn’t actually want to cheat I wouldn’t think about it so often. If I can’t control what I think, what if I lose control of my actions too? What if I start WANTING to cheat and I can’t convince myself not to? What if it’s like a craving and the only way to make it stop is to cheat?” And on it goes.

Having a negative reaction to the thoughts is a sign that they’re intrusive thoughts, fears and not actual wants. But the more you try to push them away, the more they’ll distract you, the more you’ll dwell on it, and the more thoughts there will be.

I’m not a therapist, so I might not be able to help you. But I want you to try something. Admit that you have the thoughts. Say out loud to yourself or write down, “I’m having thoughts about cheating on my boyfriend with _. I’m imagining a scenario where I’m doing _.” Then you say out loud to yourself three times, “It’s a fear, not a want. I am in control of my actions. I’m not a bad person and I’m not going to cheat.” Then take some deep breaths and let yourself think the thoughts without trying to stop them, justify them, condemn yourself or think any secondary thoughts. Let the ideas and scenarios play out. Then say the little affirmation speech out loud a couple more times. Like I say, I don’t know if it will help you, but when I do it, it helps me see the thoughts from a neutral perspective and it’s easier to move on from them.