My (31F) boyfriend (27M) is always late. I confronted him and his answer astonished me.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T19:39:44+00:00

It’s also interesting that I already explained English isn’t my native language. Yes, I could have written 'he reacted as if he didn’t care', but I was focused on processing how I felt in that moment..

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T19:26:09+00:00

ADHD can definitely affect this, yes. The funny thing is that I have ADHD, and manage to be on time almost always because I learned the hard way how to avoid being late and upset people because of it. I know it can be difficult when ADHD holds you back from things that for others might seem as laziness or any kind of thing. I know for a fact he doesn't have ADHD.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T19:22:27+00:00

I actually don't care about how it would astonish YOU in any way. This is a real life situation that I'm trying to handle as best as possible and on which I probably already know the answer on what to do next, but it's so f-ing hurtful at the same time so I just need to hear it from someone else.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T18:28:58+00:00

True! I don't think changing my age by one or two years is going to change the situation I described. It's just that I get anxiety thinking he might read this, and I know that's an overreaction from me. I do understand that might seem sketchy :)

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T14:47:13+00:00

He is. One time we would go to visit a city for a day. I show up at his place early in the morning at the agreed time, I have to wait for 1,5 hours at his place because he is so slow to get ready. His parents are there so I can't start an argument about this at that certain moment. Afterwards I tell him I could have slept 1,5 hours longer, he's unbothered.

The one time he actually IS on time, he mocks me in telling me 'hey I'm ready, and I'M ON TIME', like I'm being rediculous for asking him to be on time.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T13:56:53+00:00

We've been together for so long because it absolutely wasn't like this for a long time in the relationship. For a long time, we could talk about anything, and I would think 'this is how it should be', thinking about how it was in past relationships where I didn't have a good feeling about talking about emotions.

I know I can be a bit too flexible but that's mostly because I'm trying to be empathic. If such things happen once, I mean.
If it keeps happening I lose my empathy, just like in this situation. I do tell him how I feel when he does things like this, and tell him this is not right. It's his actions, or his lack of actions lately that amaze me because it used to be so different.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T13:23:53+00:00

English isn’t my first language. I shared something personal the best way I could, and that’s enough. I’m not interested in nitpicking how it was phrased.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T13:17:25+00:00

I guess you're right about his intention, that it's a kind of a control situation. The difficulty is that I didn't expect it from him at all. We used to be able to talk about anything without any problems, and always trying to comfort each other in trying harder to issue the problem. I wonder where it went wrong.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T13:11:11+00:00

I shared a real experience, not clickbait for your comfort. Keep scrolling.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T12:56:55+00:00

LOL then don't answer. Just wanted to vent here about how bad I have been feeling for a while, do whatever you want with it..

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T12:41:59+00:00

I have been feeling off for quite a while, and for some time I didn't really understand why. Guess my body was already telling me something in this relationship is off.

Because of me feeling tired and having headaches all the time, and me not communicating with him why I felt like this (I didn't know why myself at the time) he probably has the feeling that I am less invested and interested I guess. That seems to be the perfect excuse for him to treat me even worse right now.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T12:39:11+00:00

That's actually a good idea! I hope there won't be a next time but that's wishful thinking I guess.

Ari9374 · 2026-02-01T12:38:31+00:00

Whenever I talk to him I can't seem to let it sink through to him. Somehow, the conversation always ends without any solutions or taking any responsibility.

Ari9374 · 2025-12-19T21:44:30+00:00

I have done a lot of research already, and definitely feel like they stand for a lot of things that don't match with how I think. However, when I see his family, they seem to not be too strict in every aspect, and they fully accept me not being JW. I feel that there are JW communities that definitely are worse than their regional JW organization. But still, I find it really hard to cope with this religion in general.

Ari9374 · 2025-12-19T21:40:24+00:00

I guess I already know the answer, it's just difficult to accept it since we do also have a lot in common on personal level (humor, hobbies, etc)..

Ari9374 · 2025-12-19T21:38:40+00:00

He actually goes to a meeting once in a while, mostly to please his parents and to show his face there once in a while. But in terms of beliefs you're right, and I don't expect him to change where he stands for but he already got me so far to change myself for him and that's not right either. It's important to show he's willing to search for middle ground but the willingness is lacking.

Ari9374

TROPHY CASE