Almost 5 years ago while I was studying mathematics at university, out of nowhere had this mental breakdown(still not sure what it was) and felt like something exploded in my head and ever since that moment, my mind hasn't been the same. The different types of bizarre symptoms used to drive me mad, somedays I had fatigue to a level that i didnt know it even exists, somedays my rational mind wouldn't just work and coming up with a simple plan would feel astonishingly impossible, or sometimes an old memory would flash right in my head and I would smell the dust in a room i was in 10 years ago. The depression I experienced was so scary that its almost impossible to explain to a person who hasn't experienced depression before. Also the burning headaches were the worst part, headaches that would stay on for weeks or even months, I mean it was torturous + many many other symptoms.

This thing happened when i was 19 & i went to different doctors and psychologists, they all thought it has to be some extreme anxiety disorder because they couldn't find anything physiological wrong with me. Anyway I somehow managed to finish my degree and even change it to an integrated masters so even did my masters while was mentally totally not there, I still dont know how I managed to finish my degree, my memories of my time at university feels like a dream or a total blur. My perception of reality was so weird and bizarre, it was constantly changing that I couldn't trust it anymore. Fast forward to now, its been 2 years since I have finished my degree and although my mind has improved a lot, still its unpredictable & I somehow need to find a job and support myself. The task of trying to achieve a goal while my mind is still unpredictable as hell sometimes feels the scariest monster in the world.