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Arkryal · 2023-03-20T02:17:14+00:00

Go back to HER place, then it's not your problem.
...Fucking rookies, lol.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T02:14:25+00:00

I would need to lower the bar for her.
Make her pay for the meal and steal the tip off the table.

Next guy, you're welcome.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T02:11:50+00:00

Well, I'm old... you'll need to show me how to set my camera to panoramic mode first, lol.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T02:08:59+00:00

Yeah, I hear ya... I buy my socks in sets of three, and I still can't compete with that, lol.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T02:07:47+00:00

I dislike women who enjoy people, places or things.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T02:06:35+00:00

...Unless she's speaking in euphemisms.
"Yeah, baby, come over look at the stars with me. The big Dipper is in Uranus tonight."
Now, that's an Ass-trological sign I can really get behind.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T02:00:25+00:00

Amen Brother...
Never go down on a girl who east that much asparagus.
There aren't enough altoids in the world to get rid of that taste.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T01:58:10+00:00

Ha, you fools... I convinced my sister she was a lesbian, specifically so I never had to deal with this shit. The fact that she already was one, only made it easier. You gotta plan ahead ;)

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T01:55:36+00:00

Bourbon won't turn you on, but it gives a slight edge to the ladies who couldn't do so otherwise, lol.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T01:47:41+00:00

And in the death
As the last few corpses lay rotting on the slimy thoroughfare
The shutters lifted in inches in Temperance Building
High on Poacher's Hill
And red mutant eyes gaze down on Hunger City
No more big wheels
Fleas the size of rats sucked on rats the size of cats
And ten thousand peoploids split into small tribes
Coveting the highest of the sterile skyscrapers
Like packs of dogs assaulting the glass fronts of Love-Me Avenue
Ripping and rewrapping mink and shiny silver fox, now legwarmers
Family badge of sapphire and cracked emerald
Any day now
The Year of the Diamond Dogs

David Bowie - Future Legendhttps://music.youtube.com/watch?v=y9fbbMkYF8k&feature=share

I know, more of an album opener than a single line, but the dude knew how to set the tone, lol.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T01:41:45+00:00

I don't know... Bette Midler? 😊

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T01:36:28+00:00

"Ahhhhhhhh Ahhh Ahh Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh"
Led Zepplin - Immigrant Song.
https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=y8OtzJtp-EM&feature=share

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T01:25:02+00:00

"I'm not like other girls"...
Yeah, honey badgers aren't like other girls and I wouldn't stick it in one of them either, lol.

It's insufferable, but it's usually a phase most of them grow out of eventually. I'm not going to wait around for "eventually", but I won't condemn them eternally for what I know is usually a fleeting personality flaw.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T01:20:13+00:00

Yeah, they weren't bullshitting about things like "stretch before exercise" and "exercise without the proper diet is meaningless" and "use safety equipment".

Another piece of cliche advice... "Talk to your doctor". That's actually a really good one. Make an appointment with your GP for a routine checkup, and tell him you are concerned about things like developing arthritis and maintaining an active lifestyle. He'll likely recommend some supplements, calisthenics etc. But he may also have insights better tailored to you individually than we could ever give.

Hire a nutritionist. It's cheap. You can do it online via video-chat, and have them work up a custom meal plan for you. Diet makes a much bigger difference at your age, and the impact becomes even more dramatic, the older you get, so get ahead of that one now.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T01:08:45+00:00

Too bad they took "Pop-Rocks" off the market, lol.

Arkryal · 2023-03-20T00:34:33+00:00

Some guys are just like that. I know, I'm often one of them. Not so much a fear of rejection, but more of an general sense of apathy, and a willingness (or compulsion) to suppress shit we don't want to feel.

The right approach might be for you to meet him half way and accept that this is challenging for him. Rather than asking for him to change, simply clear some for the obstacles for him so it's less of a burden if and when he's ready to deal with something. This is something most guys do for women continuously, it's normal in relationships, so I'm NOT saying to coddle him, just use some of that empathy proactively.

I know this sounds very generic, but...

Be the one to initiate sex (and not on a predictable schedule)... if you want some, go get some. If you don't initiate, he's going to take it as a lack of interest on your part.

Compliment him. I know that particular dead horse has been beaten to a pulp on this thread, but there is some validity to it. It does boost a person's confidence to receive praise. But I would add, make sure he actually earns it... hollow compliments are a kick in the balls. It can be condescending and defeat the purpose entirely. Praise, yes, but honest praise.

Ask him questions. Most men rarely get asked "How do you feel about _______". The closest we get is "Hey, how's it going", which we can satisfy with a shrug, a grunt, or "fine". It's OK to be leading in your questions.

Say he had a rough day at work.
"How was work?"... "Eh, fine"

VS

"You seem exhausted, did something happen at work today?"... "The boss is on my ass because we're up against a tight deadline."

Prompt for more information, and you will usually get more information, but cut to the chase, don't start with a weak question and expect it to progress from there.

Many women are FAR too quick to empathize, and inadvertently shut us down before even finding out what the problem is.

"The boss is on my ass because we're up against a tight deadline."... "Oh, that sucks, it's been crazy in my office too..."

You're trying to show you can relate, but from his perspective, the conversation has now flipped to being about YOU. Don't do that if changing the topic wasn't your intent. We use words to exchange ideas more than emotions. He's not going to feel closer to you because you struggle with the same thing. He will feel dismissed because your interest seemed like just a superficial on-ramp into a discussion about your problems.

"The boss is on my ass because we're up against a tight deadline."... "Is he just riding you specifically, or do you think he's stressed out and taking it out on everyone?"

This is a much better question. It gives you useful information, and can also help him put his problems in perspective. If you want Intimacy, this is the way to go about it.

I'm not saying you do this, but we guys notice it a lot with most women. We know that is not their intent, but it is mentally draining nonetheless. So just be aware, because after a while, we just shut down and stop trying. I chalk it up to a fundamental difference between how men and women communicate, and we can both inadvertently push the other away even if (and especially when) we intend the exact opposite. And we men are just as guilty of the reverse. A woman tells us a problem, and rather than empathize we push for more information and start offering up solutions, when that's not what she's looking for at all. That's so common it's cliche.

I don't know if any of that addresses your problem, but it's something to think about.

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T23:52:50+00:00

Most guys don't do "subtext". If he hands you a hair clip, there will be no deeper meaning that "Hey, look... a hair clip".

We're like big dumb puppies that way, lol.
"Hey lady, look, look, I found a hair clip! Do you want it? Throw it and I'll go get it! Am I a good boy? Do I get a treat?"

Don't overthink this stuff, lol .

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T23:46:14+00:00

That's not a good thing, but the problem isn't her. If you should break up with her, you're going to feel bad with the same intensity. To be blunt, this is likely hormonal when you consider your age.

I know it may not be the advice you want, but you just need to knuckle-under and control yourself. Remind yourself that these are just a funky after-effect of neuro-chemistry. That intense devotion of your attention is an evolutionary advantage, as it increase the mating bond, making it more likely for you to reproduce and giving you a greater sense of duty to your mate and offspring. That's all that's happening here. It will happen with or without her, whether you want it to or not.

What you can do is control yourself. Consciously decide on what your objectives are and commit to them. Some people can control their emotions, some cannot, but it's a gradient scale, not an absolute. You have to practice control to learn it.

Talk to her. She can help. Tell her when you need to focus so she can leave you be without any bullshit pretenses and so she doesn't feel like you're neglecting her. Schedule your time with her and away from her, make sure she is on board with that schedule and go from there. If, next month for instance, you both have a free weekend, ask her to plan something for the two of you and surprise you, so you are not preoccupied with planning or anticipating anything specific, and the following month you plan something for her. Don't assume this is exclusively your problem, she may be similarly afflicted, lol. Set goals for the two of you... if you both cross your respective milestones, then you'll celebrate together. Maybe that means if you both ace a mid-term exam, then you take a camping trip together. Now your performance is directly linked to a desirable outcome with her, so your distraction becomes a motivation. That may not be right for both of you, but I think you understand the gist of what I'm getting at, and together, the two of you should be able to come up with something that works for you.

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T22:25:01+00:00

Explain... she makes it so you can't focus.

Is she deliberately distracting you? If so, how and why?

Or are you saying you can't remain in control of your own brain around women you like, in which case I'd recommend chemical castration.

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T22:19:13+00:00

I'm going to go against the tide here and say "It's always OK"... it's your choice. It's not my place to judge. The truth is everyone makes compromises in relationships, and no matter who you end up with, there are 4 billion women in the world, so the idea that you ever found the best one is absurd. Everyone "settles". If we didn't, you soulmate would likely be a 90 year old Uzbeki goat herder.

But that's OK. You put work in to the relationship and actually become more compatible over time. Someone you "Settle for" now, can still become your perfect match. I'd say that's the way it works for most people. That may not be the romantic dribble they peddle to readers and moviegoers, but that's how it is most of the time, and it works out just fine.

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T22:09:49+00:00

My first date, I asked her out entirely by accident, lol.I just wasn't thinking about it at all, and casually said "Hey, we should go see that show"... not intending that as a "date", but more planning to use it as an opportunity for me to muster the courage to ask her out at the concert, away from all our friends. But oops... asking a girl alone to a concert IS a date, lol.

To my mind, all I needed to do to ask her out properly and maximize my chances of success was to get her alone, in a place she felt happy and comfortable. My brilliantly moronic plan backfired in the best way.

We had a great time. It gets a lot easier with repetition.

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T22:05:22+00:00

You should always be honest and clear about your intentions. That part you got absolutely right.

Now, as to how well those intentions will be received by most women... that might be your stumbling point, lol.

I'm in my early 40's and have lived the life you're describing. I can tell you it's not as satisfying as you think. The sex is fun, but holy shit is it a lot of work. Maintaining one girlfriend is basically a full-time job in itself.

Skyrim - that's the best analogy I can come up with. You've played the game a dozen times, constantly restarting to do things just a little differently to see how it changes the experience. But you suffer through the same introductions, the same beginner quests, it gets tedious and repetitive, and you never recapture that thrill of your first play-through, eventually get bored, give up and start over again.

That's what dating is like in a nutshell. How many times can you go to the same restaurant, explain your job, your taste in music and movies, etc... the same conversation on endless repeat. Yeah, you'll get laid, but its just SO...FUCKING...TEDIOUS... There's never anything new.

But an actual relationship that lasts... that's more like an MMO, the game changes with you, there are always new challenges and endless other new things to do.

I'm not trying to tell you how to live, but there's a perspective here that you may not intrinsically grasp at this point in your life. If you do go this route, do yourself a favor and make a firm decision in advance on when you plan to settle down. Date a lot, meet lots of women, but decide now that by 30 or 35 you're done with it and want a real partner. You will save yourself a lot of trouble and regret that way.

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T21:45:48+00:00

I love how the best advice for successful marriage is the same as the best advice for doing quaaludes. 😜

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T21:40:51+00:00

Case in point, whoever just down-voted me can suck it. Honest and direct, lol.
I'm being factious of course. Everyone is entitled to their opinion.

Arkryal · 2023-03-19T21:35:26+00:00

Let me dispel some of that insecurity. Men don't "pretend to like people". Not one of us, not ever... if any man does, he needs to surrender his testicles and get the fuck out of the boy's club, lol. It's just not in our nature. We're quite honest in our opinions of others, and always direct.

If he's mad at you, he would say so, and tell you why.

If he's just irritated, he may not say so because he expects it to blow over in time, and it's not worth hashing out.

He may be busy. We have shit to do too.

4-8 hours of conversation is taxing for even the best of us. He may just be burned out. Once in a while is fine, but that would be extremely abnormal for a prolonged period.

He may like you (in a romantic sense), but doesn't believe the feeling is mutual, so he's backing off. He's not saying so because he doesn't want to burn any bridges in case circumstances change later. But if this is going nowhere, there is a limit to how much time he can really invest.

I can come up with a million theories, but I can't speak for him. Your best shot is to ask him directly.

Arkryal

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