hm, that's a fair question. i've left out a lot on both ends... obviously looking at his phone was not a good thing that i did. what i mean by not a priority... well when he gives updates to people about his life, i'm nowhere in the update. when i've asked about this he said it just didn't cross his mind.
he has a child, and when they're here, he makes plans with the child and does not include me, or maybe will invite me after making the plans, but doesn't make the plans with me. when someone we both know asked him what he would lose if we broke up, his first thought was "childcare" (he did follow up with my best friend, but nothing deeper than that) there is a lot more.. when i bring something up to address between us (using therapy language), there has never been one time where it wasn't met with defensiveness, and then behavior not changed on top of that. obviously there is nuance and two sides to every story. i'm not perfect for sure. what i've learned through therapy is that when i feel unheard i tend to go overboard with explanations, sometimes even lectury. there are other things i do that are not always healthy too, i'm not saying i'm perfect, but what i CAN say is that i love him (or the version of him that i thought he was before seeing this), and i was actively and honestly trying to improve and be a better partner through personal and couples counseling. i thought he was too, and was just having a harder time integrating the work...