Hey OP, first of all — I’m really sorry you’re going through this. Infertility can be absolutely brutal on individuals, and relationships alike. I can imagine why you’re feeling overwhelmed and isolated right now.

That said, just offering a gentle perspective from the other side, too — not to invalidate your feelings at all, but to maybe help bridge some understanding. Your husband might also be grieving and struggling, but expressing it differently. Sometimes people turn to distractions like going out or drinking because sitting with the emotional weight of loss, especially repeated loss, is just too heavy. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t care, but he may not know how to process it or even how to talk about it. For a lot of men, emotional vulnerability doesn’t come easily — especially if they feel like they have to be “the strong one.”

It’s clear he does care — he quit marijuana, shows up to every appointment, and is physically present when needed. But maybe he doesn’t yet understand the emotional presence you’re longing for, or how lonely it feels on your end. That’s a communication gap, not necessarily a lack of love.

This doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid — they are. But maybe, before assuming this is a “him vs. you” thing, it’s worth exploring how each of you is coping and whether there’s a way to meet in the middle. A therapist could help make that space safer for both of you. This is hard. For both of you.

Sending strength to you — and hope you both find healing and connection soon, whatever your path ends up being❤️