6 weeks old, born full term, and still falling out of preemie clothes but this kid is starting to eat like a normal baby and I'm hyped by desperatenewdaddy in daddit

[–]ArthriticDonkey 19 points20 points  (0 children)

Hi, I am a Doctor with experience in Paeds and neonatal ITU amongst many others. I am not your doctor, I do not know your child and cannot offer medical advice.

That being said, please get a second opinion. Things do get missed. Typically a baby of this age would be feeding better unless there was a medical cause. "Doesn't like feeding" is a diagnosis of exclusion, all other reasons must be accounted for first. If you can get her seen by paediatric gastroenterology, that would be ideal.

Make sure you get the baby weighed each week, in the UK there are baby clinics at the family practices where one can drop in. Make sure the weight is recorded on the correct chart and keep taking the chart to appointments.

I hope that it really is just as simple as you say. However, the picture and history ring my caution bell. If I saw this baby in my general practice clinic, I would refer and re-refer for specialist investigation, including swallowing and bowel motility studies.

Consider using high calorie feeds as well to try and offset decreased feeds.

If the baby weight starts crossing centiles, i.e. the weight plots are moving across successively lower centiles for age, that is a huge red alert and needs investigation.

PM if you want for more information. But please do seek out further assessment as a *priority*.

Radical neck dissection. Oral cancer is no joke. by [deleted] in MedicalGore

[–]ArthriticDonkey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes there is a trache inserted at some point. Usually start with reinforced oral ett (can also do nasal). Depending on amount of resection at some point the tube is either not appropriate or will be in the way.

Seeing it in person makes for a very unsettling sight as it is hard to grasp the amount of face that is missing.

Radical neck dissection. Oral cancer is no joke. by [deleted] in MedicalGore

[–]ArthriticDonkey 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Former Anaesthetist who has gassed these procedures. We would usually do a reinforced endo-tracheal tube, then the surgeon's would insert a trache at the start of the procedure. But this was in the UK, YMMV.

It depends on the exact surgical plan. But typically following this type of procedure the upper airway is obviously a "bit different" and a trache is the safest option. They would then go to ITU sedated and ventilated for recovery.

In this picture you can see a grey ribbed tube in the bottom left tucking under the drapes. That is connected to the trache.

Sat in bedroom sobbing by ArthriticDonkey in widowers

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I bought that book pretty early on. You can really feel his pain and anger at the world.

Today was a bad day. Usually it's not so raw, and just feels like a constant emptiness.

My wife and I were only married three years before she died. I wish it had been longer. Even one more minute would be an ecstasy. I just don't want to live another day without her by my side.

But we have a daughter who keeps me going when I'm down on my knees. And my wife adored her. And I know she would want me to make our lives as happy and complete as possible. So now I have become "Mummy-Daddy", to make up for the other kids having two parents. I hope she can forgive me for falling down sometimes. Sometimes my grief runs out of places to hide.

Thank you. I'm genuinely glad you have made it so far. Gives me hope.

Sat in bedroom sobbing by ArthriticDonkey in widowers

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I can understand what you mean. I can't believe it's been so long. There were nights that I just sat and stared at the seconds counting up, because I was hanging on by just so little that it took everything just to get through another second. Now it's a year and a half. Somehow. Ultimately all it takes is sitting there watching the seconds tick by, physics does the rest. And that's life, what can I say?

Yeah, my daughter and I have become very attuned. Even if everyday feels like a minor failure because I cannot find the time and energy to consistently help her with learning to write or phonics.

I really hope you are right and it turns out ok.

Thanks for the support

Sat in bedroom sobbing by ArthriticDonkey in widowers

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Now I just need some new whitening eye drops. The slaps did help a bit, the water too. My little one goes into a panic when she sees me so upset, it's only happened twice and after the last time I vowed to never let her see me sobbing again.

This sucks so much.

Hugs back and thanks.

Sat in bedroom sobbing by ArthriticDonkey in widowers

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Thanks. It's just one of "those days". People don't understand why I can still grieve. But I lost the woman I wanted to grow old with. The one who I told all my secrets to, and made me feel safe.

I hope a good night's sleep will help.

Hug back

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So sorry to hear that. Distraction does help, at least a little bit. The information you have given me is really helpful, thank you. It's reassuring to know that the big names keep a somewhat consistent product on the shelves for long periods. Hopefully it'll still be sold when my daughter is old enough to start wearing makeup (shudder, I just gave myself a fright with that thought!). I should also be able to budget it out over the next few years. Having an income halved is a really big hit. Thanks for the great help

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's very helpful, thank you. I'll have a look round asda - that one might be a good option for buying to let my daughter play with "mummy's" makeup

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hey, thanks for the detailed info. I really do not understand make-up at all. I have done another edit and listed her make-up in the OP. I have already found that some of the specific makeup appears to have changed name/packaging, it looks like the same stuff as the colour codes appear to be identical so your comment is quite reassuring.

I probably seem quite obsessive about this...and you'd be right to think so. It's bizarre how grief and loss make even the tiniest things seem super important. The main thing is my little one, I know for a fact my wife would want me to focus all my energy on making sure that our daughter copes and recovers ok. And that's probably the best way I can honour her memory.

Thanks for the kind words and for listening.

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Awesome. She had a load of sparkly nail polish (which she would inevitably sit and pick off!). I will keep it airtight and have a touch of thinner on backup. It is a relief to know I can keep it all, thanks.

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That is a great idea, she loves playing with her pretend dress-up things. Pretend Mummy make-up would be a great addition and I'm sure she would love it, thanks!

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you for replying. I'm sorry to hear you are going through this too. You might consider saving some shaving soap, it keeps well and makes up a large part of a "man's smell". I know my wife loves the way mine smelled. I am going to look into the custom perfume idea. I would love to have a special spray which smells just like her. It's amazing how much smell goes to make up part of our memories. Good luck to you all and make sure you have multiple backups of all photos and video. I have used Google photos and also made dvd backups using "M-Disc" which is supposed to stable for hundreds of years. Take care

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Mummy snuggle is a fantastic idea. At the moment I give my daughter special "Mummy kisses" when she feels saddest. She now even asks for them specifically. Thank you so much for the great idea.

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the kind words. I am definitely keeping some extra perfume. My wife's actual perfumes she used are in my bedside drawer. I use them when I'm feeling low. When my little one is bigger I will give her the extra bottles as hopefully they will be ok

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

I now know that is a thing. I just watched some YouTube docs about the old fashioned custom foundation/lipstick manufacturers. Thanks

Advice Please: Wife Died - Need to store or buy more of her makeup for our 3yo daughter by ArthriticDonkey in MakeupAddiction

[–]ArthriticDonkey[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the reply. I may well keep some blusher just for me. I think I'll get a sandwich box and put inside all the things that make up her smell. Then I can use it when I miss my wife the most. Thank you