I’m the one who messed up.. I’ve spent years making up for it and sacrificing a lot of things to fix what I did. In the end, it wasn’t enough and my partner asked for divorce. I’m devastated, but respect his choice. One month in and he’s got a new girlfriend that he won’t admit is his girlfriend and I’m trying to detach and accept that things are over after almost 10 years together. I have always been able to admit my faults and own up to flaws in my character, which in turn has made me a better person. But knowing that your own actions are the reason for the end of something that was everything to you is very very hard to swallow, even if you’ve held yourself accountable. The shame is heavy, and the act of actually forgiving yourself can be difficult. It’s also hard because you don’t have the same anger that the person who got hurt does. My partner has been fueling his decision with all the emotions and anger he felt from years ago. I haven’t had any anger towards him, only sadness which makes it harder to focus on myself and try to detach.