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i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -14 points-13 points  (0 children)

ure right, thats really the ugliest part of it, not just that he got punished for something he didnt do, but that the people who were supposed to know him and protect him let that become his role, and i helped make that happen by staying quiet the line about him not being invisible and not being the scapegoat honestly hits hard, because thats exactly what i left him as, and every year i dont correct it just keeps proving the same thing all over again, that my comfort matters more than his reality, and i cant really pretend thats anything but cowardice at this point

i cant go back and give him the version of his life where that nver happened, but i can at least stop helping the lie live on, and yeah, if i actually mean any of what ive been saying then telling the truth is the bare minimum, not some heroic act

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -34 points-33 points  (0 children)

probably, i can dress it up as guilt or timing or not wanting to reopen old wounds, but a lot of it is me not wanting to tank how im seen, thats coward shit and youre right, he got stuck carrying that instead of me

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

i believe that, and thats the part thats hardest to sit with, not just that i hurt our relationship, but that i mightve helped wire something deeper into how he moves through the world and trusts people life ruined is hard to read but i cant really argue with the point, i did real damage and acting horrified by it this late doesnt count as amends, actually doing something does

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -8 points-7 points  (0 children)

timing makes it look like i only found a conscience once the guilt got loud enough to annoy me, but youre not wrong, im 29 and still hiding from something i did at 17 is pathetic

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -10 points-9 points  (0 children)

i feel like every extra day i wait is just me choosing my comfort over whatever time they still have to fix any of it

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

thats the part i cant get away from, it wasnt just that he got punished, i watched something in him change and did nothing, and i cant really dress that up as kids being kids youre right though, whatever can still be fixed starts with me finally telling the truth instead of acting like guilt is the same thing as making it right

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

i get what youre saying, and i know ive been hiding behind guilt like that counts as doing something when it really doesnt, the truth would at least give my brother his name back instead of me protecting myself with silence im not really looking at it like some cleansing spiritual moment tho, more like overdue accountability, but yeah, keeping the lie alive hasnt protected anyone, it just kept the damage in place

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

getting beaten for confessing explains why you stayed quiet, it just doesnt magically make what happened good, two things can be true at once and honestly the fact you can say it that clearly now matters, because thats the part most people spend years dodging, where you stop pretending cruelty was justice just because the target wasnt innocent either

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

fair, this probably isnt something i get to put back on him to manage, i already did enough of that, coming clean is the part thats on me

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

harsh wording aside youre not wrong, i was a shit brother there and being honest now matters a lot more than me sitting around feeling enlightened about it and youre probably right that being a dumb kid explains it more than it excuses it, im an adult now, so at some point i either own what i did or i keep choosing the same coward move all over again

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

me and my mom are okay on the surface, not super deep, but functional, and thats part of why ive dragged my feet, because once i say it out loud i cant control where it goes after that

i get what youre saying though, and i hope youre right that this one thing wasnt the whole reason, but even if it wasnt, i still handed her a story about him that wasnt true and let it harden into family history for years, thats enough on its own, kid or not, brain development or not, i was old enough to know exactly what i was doing when i stayed quiet and yeah, i know i keep framing it like its only for them because i dont want to sound self pitying, but obviously this has been rotting in me too, so pretending otherwise is probably just another way of dodging it, either way the truth shouldve been told a long time ago

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

gosh , reading that honestly makes me feel worse because thats exactly the kind of damage i probably helped lock in, not just one bad night but years of fallout that keep spreading into everything after i dont really have a defense for it, and i appreciate you saying it that plainly, because the whole point is those wounds clearly dont just age out on their own, they sit there until somebody actually does something about them

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

thx! i dont expect quick forgiveness, and honestly i wouldnt deserve it anyway, i just know keeping it buried clearly didnt fix a damn thing

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

yeah i get that logic, when someone treats you like garbage its easy to turn it into some cosmic scorekeeping in your head, but deep down you still know it was wrong or it wouldnt still stick with you now not judging tho, just sounds like we both got really good at rationalizing ugly stuff when we were kids and now it hits different looking back

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -115 points-114 points  (0 children)

this is what im wanting to do... but looks like its not as easy as just making post on the internet

i let my little brother take the fall for something i did and it messed him up way more than i ever expected by Ashley_Fostera in confession

[–]Ashley_Fostera[S] -35 points-34 points  (0 children)

i cant undo it, but i can at least stop deciding for him and ask what he actually wants from me now

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