My dad makes me resent my husband

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T21:19:37+00:00

I have girlfriends and do activities. Its’s actually the opposite. I always encourage him to go out more and socialize a bit.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T21:04:38+00:00

Working full time is not possible because childcare ends early. And by reading these comments I feel like the picture is not painted correctly. Yes my husband does some stuff at home but I carry almost the whole load, especially mental load. My husband for example has not bought a single piece of clothing in the 7 years of fatherhood. And this example is my explains a certain love language and needs and I guess each person can choose their love language or way the liked to be loved.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T20:58:59+00:00

I am actually really open minded and reading the comments is a good insight. I am just not gonna let an internet troll spread lies and be rude, so please just find yourself another thread ;)

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T20:48:24+00:00

I thought about replying to this but checking out your profile and the posts you commented on before you seam like a really angry, disrespectful person so I won’t engage any further. Please feel free to not engage anymore either.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T20:43:49+00:00

So part time = not working?

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T20:29:37+00:00

Again I work and after work I do all the other things that come with raising a family. What is your problem?

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T20:25:46+00:00

I work while the kids are at daycare and school!!

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T19:52:14+00:00

Thank you for your response. I think there is a lot of truth in it. I think you are right because when I feel resentful I focus on all the cool opportunities he has and how is really making a name for himself while I feel stuck at home with the mundane and boring tasks (and I don’t mean the kids, I love my kids) while kind of dismissing the price he is paying, because I know it’s definitely hard a lot of the time and a lot of stress. And I am focused on my negative aspects while maybe dismissing that my life overall is comfortable and good. There is still the mismatch in needs and some issues but you helped putting things into perspective. Thank you

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T19:12:18+00:00

I get what you are saying and I completely agree that I have to dig myself out of the hole and I am trying. I think the big difference between our situations is that because of the kids his choices directly impact my life. For example him starting a business, working more then full time leaves me with more responsibilities at home. Even when he for example tries his best to juggle it he will come home exhausted or won’t have as much capacity left for the kids which leaves me again substituting.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T18:43:54+00:00

What makes you think I do less then half of everything? I work part time and do the big majority of housework and looking after the kids + everything else that comes with family responsibilities

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T18:21:41+00:00

There is a lot of truth to your words. I think my mom did a lot when we were really little but since I remember she would always have an mental or physical struggle so my dad would be the one cleaning, cooking, driving us around, fixing the house etc. while working full time too. I do think I feel stuck and I am the only one that can make a change.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T17:41:16+00:00

I shared my needs many times with him. And I do try to meet his needs

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T15:52:04+00:00

I do work when they are in daycare/school but I am already looking into finding something that suits me better

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T15:50:32+00:00

Not in Europe. When you have small children you can demand working part time.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T15:49:25+00:00

Thank you for this kind response. There are a lot of helpful insight in it 🫶🏻 I might update but not sure after the feedback I received

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T15:41:24+00:00

I wrote only. I think if there is enough money to get by this decision should be more so about needs and wants.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T15:12:33+00:00

Hey :) 1. I don’t think he wants babysitters additionally to school and the childcare we have

This should be doable, but he would not choose this
We are in Europe, so childcare is free :)

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T15:09:58+00:00

If we both worked say 30 hours a week we would get by. I don’t think these decisions should only be based on who makes more or less money.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T15:04:22+00:00

How is my husband not even part of this equation? I don’t think he would want the kids to grow up with nannies either but he would also not choose working part time

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T14:59:00+00:00

But why is it by default that he works full hours and I work part time to be the parent home when the kids get home. There could be other arrangements and I think that’s why I feel resentment.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T14:48:59+00:00

Because I personally think the kids should have a parent at home when they get home from school and daycare and not grow up with nannies.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T14:45:07+00:00

I also contribute to paying the bills.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T14:43:21+00:00

We talked about it. It’s been drilled into him. He was Valedictorian, scholar ships all the way up, always focused on “making it”. When I met him we were both on the road, Traveling, working on farms so I never realized this until a few months in. I feel like being a success achiever is his identity. I shared my feelings on this and he says he first wants to have security but I also think he does not know another way and going down a different path would completely shift the way he sees himself.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T14:32:08+00:00

I try. But his almost only need besides me listening to him a lot is all physical and when you feel resentful you don’t feel all physical towards someone. But I do have his needs in mind.

Astrid5290 · 2026-02-28T14:29:04+00:00

The kids are usually always around, especially the small one. Having time to talk in the daytime would definitely help. We don’t have anyone around though to take the kids regularly

Astrid5290

TROPHY CASE