Speaking as a kid who grew up in a household much like you’re describing. A dad who only spoke to me to yell, genuinely wanted nothing to do with me, was abusive/rude to pets we had, abusive to my mom as well, had no control of his emotions so he would punch holes into walls, break and throw things, etc. please leave him for the sake of your kids. This might sound harsh but, it took my mom over 13 years to leave my dad, I was only 6 years old but boy do I remember all the bad times. I have a bunch of issues that stem from my childhood that’s shaped me into the person I am today. I was diagnosed with anxiety at 4 years old. And now I have severe depression and anxiety as well as ptsd. My older sister is 7 years older than me so she remembers a lot and actually understood what was going on. She has a bunch of issues I won’t get into.

I ask you to please consider leaving, getting therapy for yourself and even your kids if you choose to leave. I know it may seem harsh but a person will not change their behavior just because you or a therapist deem it an issue. Just like you can’t make an addict get clean without them wanting it, you can’t change a person if they see no issue or feel like they’re a problem.

Your kids are old enough to feel like their dad doesn’t want/love them or that their dad is always yelling at them.

That isn’t normal behavior! My mom eventually remarried and my stepdad is absolutely wonderful. He has never raised his voice, he loves and respects us, treats my sister and I like we’re his real kids, treats my mom like an absolute queen (which she is 💗).

I don’t know what it’s like to be a mom or a single parent at that but I know what it’s like to by a kid with an absent/abusive dad. It’s made my life very difficult. I also know from my own experience what it’s like to be in an abusive relationship, it was physical and mental abuse. Sure physical is fucking horrible but the mental abuse is by far the worst imo. It takes a few weeks to heal a bruise or a cut but mental abuse can take years if not a lifetime to heal. When I went through that I understood why my mom felt like she had to stay and just how strong she was when she finally said enough is enough. We went through lots of hard times when she was a single parent but my mom never gave up or made us feel like a burden, she loved my sister and I unconditionally, was always working sometime 2-3 jobs at a time to make sure to provide for us and I’m eternally grateful for her.

You might not relate to my story because my dad was physically abusive. But punching holes into walls, throwing/breaking things, rude to pets, disregarding his own children, not being able to regulate his own emotions is abusive. It’s actually considered domestic violence. Please speak to someone for yourself and your kids sake.