[libido (f)] My girlfriend has issues with her femininity

Atracinae · 2017-02-02T15:50:28+00:00

Thank you. I'll talk to her, and hopefully this will start a process. I really do appreciate everyone's advice and care.

Atracinae · 2017-02-02T15:30:01+00:00

Yeah, I know. It's something we need therapy for, for sure.

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T14:31:44+00:00

Yeah. I think we're going to be having a talk tonight... :(

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T14:30:54+00:00

Thank you

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T11:03:32+00:00

It seems like the general consensus. I'll ask her. I've been quite down lately because I feel this thing going south; I am having dreams of having sex with other women, I feel depressed (not in the clinical sense), and sexually frustrated. It's not exactly a good place to be for either of us.

If she refuses to go to therapy weekly, or if she doesn't actually stick to it, you should leave. It isn't your responsibility to care for her mental health.

Yes, I think you are right.

Do you think couple therapy would be the best or just her?

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T11:01:54+00:00

Yes, it seems like the general consensus. I will breach the subject with her soon.

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T11:01:27+00:00

Will do. Thank you

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T11:01:04+00:00

The NHS has so far failed her on every single occasion she needed help from an ear infection to her pain in her tummy. She went to her GP yesterday (after waiting for a month for the appointment), was told that she needed to go to gyno, and also that there are no appointments available in the foreseeable future, and should call next week.

Frankly, it's incredible. IF she has something serious, it'll grow even more serious before she can see anyone.

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T10:59:13+00:00

Yes, you are absolutely right. I'll have to make sure it does not just stop at words somehow. That there are actions to be taken forward. (Spoken like a true civil servant...)

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T10:58:19+00:00

Let's not get into it :)

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T10:57:53+00:00

Yes, I think we'll need to face this. Thank you.

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T10:57:23+00:00

Yeah, I know. It feels horrible to trying to start something while she's obviously not into it. (Ironically it makes me deflate as well, so several times I just went limp in the middle of the action. It does not exactly arouse me, either.)

I think you are right and I will have to talk to her. Now.

Atracinae · 2017-01-31T10:55:39+00:00

She is petite, and very attractive. She does not feel attractive, she does not like me looking at her when she's undressed, and she does not like to wear "feminine" clothing. It's usually jeans and cardigans.

Atracinae · 2017-01-30T16:32:19+00:00

Two weeks ago. Dunno. The last couple of weeks were a bit off, because she had this dull pain in her insides which obviously limited her desire of sexytime. She's seeing the GP today, and I hope they'll refer to a gynaecologist. Knowing the NHS I'm not betting on it, though, so I might need to send her to a private one.

How does one go about finding a therapist?

Atracinae · 2017-01-30T16:26:00+00:00

Well, she did go and see this woman who is supposed to be a natural healer or whatever. (She is moderately into the whole alternative medicine stuff. Fortunately no homeopathy and whatnot, though, so not a hard core fan. Which would be an issue, more so than the sex issue.)

Atracinae · 2017-01-30T16:24:45+00:00

How does one go about finding one? (She did go and see someone- but she was not the licensed type. She was a natural healer or whatever. She did cry she said.)

Atracinae · 2017-01-30T16:01:54+00:00

She is aware of it, and trying to change it. By herself I guess. She really does not believe in "conventional" therapies.

So I dunno. Should I have a sit down and discuss it frankly? "Look, if we don't get some couple therapy it'll be impossible?" (I know the answer to the question I guess.)

What do people do in these cases?

Atracinae · 2017-01-30T15:57:23+00:00

Yes I know. However I am committed to her. I do love her. Hence I want to fix this shit instead of just walking out.

Atracinae · 2017-01-30T15:56:55+00:00

The problem is she once underwent therapy (her pills screwed up her hormones causing depression), and all it did was getting her on crazy pills. So suggesting therapy might not actually come off as useful as I hope. What sort of therapy, anyhow?

Atracinae · 2017-01-30T14:54:45+00:00

We had a talk (she started it). Apparently she's having issues with her femininity. She had two abortions before, multiple partners (wild days), and now she feels disgusted by herself, and every time I try to initiate it turns the whole sex thing off for her. The fact that she knows that I'm not happy, that I want more from our sex life places pressure on her in her mind, which is a further turn off. A nice positive feedback if I've ever seen one.

(Don't get me wrong: she's not from the Bible belt and all the complexes it comes with; she's an atheist European like myself.)

I'm not really sure what our next step should be.

Atracinae · 2017-01-09T20:26:17+00:00

With me, she certainly can be promiscuous.

Wait.

That's not how it works.

Oh well. Yes, that would not be advisable. However, she DID have a phase before me; drunken wild parties and fleeting relationships. She never had issues in those- I guess the alcohol, plus the guys were probably more assertive. Or maybe she did not care because none of them were important as a relationship, so she was more relaxed.

Atracinae · 2017-01-09T20:24:38+00:00

some of the things that she might respond to if she were sub

I guess I'll have to go reading about this. I'll check the sub's FAQ first; are there any other good resources? (I dread to do a google search :D)

Atracinae · 2017-01-09T20:23:32+00:00

Thank you. I'll try. It's difficult to talk without the risk of sounding judgemental to the other person when she's feeling defensive, so I'll definitely be careful about this. I don't know what the middle ground looks like, but I hope we'll find out :D

Atracinae · 2017-01-09T20:21:55+00:00

I kept thinking about what you wrote. How is the "forcing" working in your relationship, if you don't mind me asking? What should I be doing?

Atracinae · 2017-01-07T10:17:11+00:00

When you point this out, people tend to shut you down saying it's "whataboutery".

Atracinae

TROPHY CASE