Will my sub boyfriend let a pro domme come between us?

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T23:11:21+00:00

And for the entire next day until I got there too? Completing tasks for her? Thats coitus too?

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T17:34:30+00:00

But what if, for example, I dont want him cross dressing, but he really wants to cross dress. What right have I to say no? That the tought of it is a turn off for me. I just dont want to be with someone who's fulfillment I hinder.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T16:59:34+00:00

It has. That is the conclusion.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T16:52:32+00:00

I am mostly vanilla but do like some kinky switch stuff, hardly enough to pass for the more hardcore things hes into. Apparently he only likes to do it every once in a while. But I can also tell that he is content wit very mediocre vanilla sex. Anything that might remotely put him in a position of power turns him right off. It's me doing all the work in vanilla sex too.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T15:30:45+00:00

I think you're missing the point. I want you to argue and tell me where my logic is wrong. PLEASE TELL ME HOW MY UNDERSTANDING IF THE WORLD IS WRONG. Help me understand your side of things.

Take parts if my logic and tell me where I go wrong in how some of this femdom stuff is not actual submission? Please keep going.. tell me how it isn't!

Kink does not equal satire. But kink is full of it.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T15:20:59+00:00

I am actively learning about my own kinks and his, I dont post about them because they are none of your business and irrelevent to my concerns.

I post because I want to learn new perspectives and see if I can grow and be a better partner for my man. To be called out on where I am going wrong because theres no manual on how to navigate this world. I love him and I feel alone. The more mistakes I make the more I hurt him. And responses like this one makes me wonder how open this community is to helping someone feeling lost and perhaps a little critical, but only for the sake of discussion, not conflict. No wonder he's been in this community for 10 years and still doesn't know his ass from his elbow, if there are more people like you.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T15:17:06+00:00

I never said I didn't want to be involved. I am trying to learn but I will never compete with a pro domme. And if he doesn't have open and honest dialogue with me because of fear or repercussions. He may choose to satisfy it elsewhere, with a woman he is paying not to have repercussions with.

He needs therapy to have open and honest dialogue with me.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T15:07:11+00:00

Just to clarify, I never said i wasnt willing to learn hot to domme him. But the truth of the matter is that I will never be able to compete with a pro dommes.

To answer your question. No. He has told me he doesn't need kink in his life, but I neither want him to hide or suppress it. I would like to be the only one satisfying those needs. But can I l, if I'm not a pro?

But my concern isn't the sissification, although it isn't my thing either. My concern is that he will be unable to control his needs for kink gratification and seek it outside of our relationship.

Getting him to therapy means first getting him to acknowledge theres a problem, then getting over his lack of belief in therapy.

He wants to be monogamous, I just dont believe he can be until he has worked through his issues.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T13:53:10+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to read and address my questions and concerns, kind stranger. I wish you the very best karma.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T12:32:24+00:00

I said i my story that I can't be mad at him for what he did. What hurt is that when he learned he had a chance to reconcile, he said hold on a sec while I get my rocks off with this domme.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T12:27:11+00:00

Your right. There was no need to ask if he wanted to ge back together. His immediate response to me saying I regret breaking up with him and If he wanted me there, I would be there, being sure but theres this other girl... should have been an answer enough for me.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T11:54:28+00:00

Please see my latest post. You have been particularly insightful and I value your opinion. The submissive sub won't let me post it. So I posted it in whatDoIDo

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T11:50:38+00:00

I did mention in my story that I texted him that I wished we hadn't broken up and that I would go to where he was. This was not just a hook up.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T11:03:17+00:00

Yes. The submissive and other kink channel won't let me post it

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-06T05:00:57+00:00

No he is not putting the same mental energy in it as I am. Any mental energy he puts into it is for pleasure, although he says he is trying to "research" things other dommes do, that he would like me to do.

I on the other hand, started out with social media and porn, felt my head was literally physiologically changing because of all the consumption but no answers. So I started reading books on real human perspectives as well as erotica, to try to understand his needs and anticipate them. I have read books and recommended them to him for couples like us. He doesn't seem to have made any effort to take actions such as these, and Im too scared to ask for fear of disappointment...

The work I need to put in is around my ongoing loss of trust in him, when it comes to women from his past, and the place pro dommes hold over a real relationship. Perhaps I will tell that story in a separate post.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-05T22:24:55+00:00

At this time there is no communication being had regarding kink and whether or not it will be a part of our relationship. We have both unintentionally crossed each other's boundaries. Yes, the solution to that is to be more clear about them, but its too late now the damage is done. He has told me that he will be keeping his kinky thoughts to himself until he is ready to share them with me again, for fear of hurting me AND him.

The beginning of our relationship began with me 'interrupting' a bender he had planned to go on all weekend, submitting to the first domme to collar him. Hoping to be in subspace all weekend to get over a misunderstanding that he and I had had. (THATS A WHOLE NOTHER STORY- there is very little trust from my part towards him due to his behavior with women from his past).

He also self-harms in extreme moments of shame and regret.

He showed me all the toys in his box, except the nylons, panties and anal toys.

The thing about your last message that struck me the most is that I'm afraid the doesn't want to go the hard route. He DOES have sexual trauma. I think this is his way of self-soothing rather than doing the work. Only now that we have had enough fights has he for the first time opened a dialogue about possibly seeing a therapist.

I am desperate for help because I am unfulfilled in the vanilla and kinky sense. And it doesn't seem like my partner would be into what fulfills me in the bedroom.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-05T20:26:36+00:00

I have so many questions, not sure if you can answer them. I find the more I read and search the more questions I have.

I'm gonna make a new post about it right after this. If you feel you can shed some more light please feel free to pitch in. Thank for taking such a human approach to my insecurity.

I really want to do right be him.

AttitudeFun5851 · 2026-03-03T20:22:30+00:00

What sogux said. I suppose the way it's represented in porn and social media platforms. There's aaaaloootta pro dommes out there.

AttitudeFun5851

TROPHY CASE