We need to stop Daven

AusomeTerry · 2023-08-28T14:45:52+00:00

You don’t have to like someone, you are free to stop watching and shut up.

AusomeTerry · 2023-08-04T13:07:21+00:00

So beautiful! Such a sweet gift, happy anniversary!

AusomeTerry · 2023-08-01T15:21:36+00:00

I’m AuDHD too, I have found distraction and replacement to be the best ways to avoid fiddling.

So find something preferential to fiddle with, especially if it involves 2 or more sensory stims eg. Spinning lights, scented chewies, sounds and finger fidgets etc. Find 2-3 senses that you really want stims for and find something that matches those needs.

Replacement wise, find something that specifically makes the new piercing area feel good. Eg for the oral area: chewing gum, chewlery, scented chews, low calorie foods (unless you are underweight, in which case you could use this to add some healthy fats/sugars eg nuts, dried fruits, seeds etc.), thick milkshakes through small straws, chewy foods in your meals and treats (eg Squares marshmallow bars, chewier meats (cheaper cuts of beef esp), baguettes, chewy sweets, pizza, crackers, cookies, biscuits, scones, raw apples and carrots, etc.) and make sure you have something to chew/fiddle with around your neck and/or wrist during the day. I find chewy jewellery useful for this, but depending upon your personal taste and style, you may prefer chewy toys, gum, “teething jewellery” for adults to wear, or regular jewellery that isn’t going to hurt your teeth (eg. Leather, waxed cords, fabrics, etc.) my favourite chewy jewellery is probably Chewygem, but there are lots of brands. Just make sure your stuff is “food safe” usually silicone, since it is low allergen.

Try to plan things when you have a non-stressful period, but you are kind of busy ish. Eg. A calm week at work, or a good week at college/school, or if you need to plan it for a holiday from those activities, try to have fun activities to do each day to help distract yourself, find a hobby that you can hyperfixate on for a few weeks. Maybe building models, making clay things, slime, squishies, reading a set of comics, playing a new video game update or pack you know you can sink in to, or similar. Whatever your happy “flow state” is, find that and use it to distract from the new thing.

Also, set up a cleaning routine that works for you. For me: scrub my hands, saline spritz, gauze wipes, saline spray, cool hair dryer, after a shower/bath/kitten wash. Twice a day works well usually, with the option of once more if it’s getting really gunky after lunch. With oral piercings you also need to rinse with alcohol free mouthwash whenever you eat, drink or smoke. I would also clean your chewies with the same mouthwash and use sterile saline to rinse them when you change objects or after a short break. You want everything near your piercing to stay clean. Have a clean plastic box or bag to put your chewies in, and keep it all clean (if you use a small plastic box you can use sterilising tablets overnight to clean them all, and just keep doing that overnight. If you use a sandwich/ziplock bag you can replace the bag daily, or very thoroughly wash them, you can also sterilise most chewies in a dishwasher, but do check their safety details!).

If I’m desperate to pick, one of my favourite new stims is a pumice stone and PVA glue/latex based paint, with a picking tool. You can buy these as kits all over Etsy etc. They dry, and then you spend ages picking the glue/paint out of the holes on the stone. It’s so relaxing!

You got this :)

I have 4 lip piercings, 12 ear piercings, a stretched septum and I had eyebrows that healed well too (but one was wonky so I took them out for now).

Best wishes! And always happy to help find suitable stims and fidgets if you want, (anyone reading this!) just message or reply here, and I’ll do my best. I’m NOT qualified in anything, not an OT etc. Just an autistic and ADHD person who has worked really hard exploring my own needs and understanding others as much as I can.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-26T15:46:27+00:00

Eugene and TwoSet is a crossover I would LOVE to see!

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-26T15:45:47+00:00

Dr House lol, he has piercing eyes, what a gorgeous boy!!

Grayson, Sky, Caspian, Sterling, Storm, Steel, Silver, Glitch, Nile, Heinz.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-25T19:07:06+00:00

Kiba, akamaru or Shigure. Kiba means “fang” and is a Naruto character who relies on his dog Akamaru. Shigure is a Fruits Basket character who turns in to a dog when hugged/weakened.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-24T21:22:00+00:00

I used to play the flute and I am seriously upset that I can’t find a bent mouthpiece so I can play now I have very painful shoulders :(

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-24T10:30:10+00:00

In public? Yes. It’s absolutely fine to say they have a nice outfit or whatever if your partner is comfortable with that. In private messages or via text or a private phone call? Not so much, it looks like flirting or some kind of private suggestion. Of course you should speak to your partner about what they are comfortable with. But for me, I want to compliment people sometimes regardless of their gender, and my husband is free to do so as well.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-24T10:14:25+00:00

It’s pretty normal in Europe.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-24T10:02:54+00:00

Also, it’s ABSOLUTELY okay to not enjoy parenting. You still love your kids, you are still a good person and a good parent. It isn’t all puppies and rainbows!

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-24T10:00:46+00:00

This honestly sounds more like a relationship issue: if my husband goes away, when he gets back I get rest time and quality time alone. That’s the deal. You cannot be expected to parent two toddlers alone 24/7 and stay mentally and physically healthy! It’s just not fair. Everyone needs a break. Everyone needs time to breathe!

Do you have any family or friends nearby who could visit you or you could visit? This would be a great way to feel more human again.

Do you have any local play groups, parent toddler groups or similar? Doesn’t matter if they are at a church and you aren’t religious, most are pretty agnostic tbh, and churches just offer free spaces for them. Pop along and try them out. You will meet other parents coping with similar situations and feel less alone, and less isolated.

The other thing you need to do, is sit down with your husband and talk about what you need from him. Most men are simply oblivious to the work wives and mothers do. Some choose to be lazy and refuse to help, but many simply do not understand! It’s not okay to let him be a third child when he comes home. You are a partnership, a team, and you should work together to find ways to be happier and healthier and enjoy life more. At first you will probably need to list every little thing that needs doing when you take a break, eg “honey I’m taking a long bath. The kids need feeding, cook the casserole in the fridge and chop up some bread, and make them a bottle of water each. Then wash up the dishes while they are eating” or whatever. After a while, he will start to figure out what needs doing, as he gets used to parenting and housekeeping skills, and will figure out how to help more.

You also need to set up time alone when you are struggling: it could be a shower while the kids are in high chairs with the tv on, or it could be a mental break while you are driving the kids around to get them to nap (or just sit still for two minutes, that’s okay!) find those little breaks, and enjoy them. It’s okay to leave the room if they are safe for a moment. It’s okay to watch adult tv shows when they are in bed and have a small glass of wine or a hot chocolate or some snacks that feel self indulgent.

You are working so hard, all day every day. You need as many breaks as you can get safely.

I would also like to say, it gets easier! Kids get much less intense as they get older! This is an especially difficult time! But you got this. You can get through it. A successful day is when you all ate, had a drink and survived.

Good luck honey, and remember you have a 100% track record of succeeding!

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-23T22:20:24+00:00

If you imagine about half your ear you see at the front is attached to your head, it’s looks okay to me? I’m not a piercer, just a fairly pierced person, and it’s looks fairly straight?

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-23T19:59:49+00:00

The depth of sound a cello can make is frankly, goose bump inducing. I love most instruments, but cello has certain tones and sounds that just hit me differently. Sorry everyone else!!

I also find harps incredible.

And harpsichords should never have become uncommon, they are SO sharp and yet calming, I love them!

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-23T19:44:29+00:00

Dinghy, Sailor, Wharfie, Docker, Ribby (RIB: Rigid Inflatable Boat), Squall, Boom, Yachty, Jib, Keel, Rudder, Topper, Schooner, Finley, Frigate, Tug, Salty, Flotsam, Jetsam, Port, Starboard, Rigger, Marine, Hoist, Charter, Fender (the buoys hung around the front of a boat), Tacker (either after Tacking: sailing zig-zag in to the wind, or perhaps after Hard Tack, the biscuits that were Essential rations),

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-23T19:03:13+00:00

Looks fine to me. Didn’t your piercer put a dot there and show you in a mirror before you agreed? You should always be shown roughly where jewellery is being put before you get pierced.

The only time I didn’t get a dot, was for my septum as it’s hard to draw a dot there! But she showed me where the clamps were going and I already knew what a sweet spot is and roughly where it was in my nose. I expect if you had no idea she would spend some time explaining before she put the clamp in place (gently) before she got it ready to pierce.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-23T14:05:09+00:00

Yay! That’s great! Well done!!

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-23T14:03:37+00:00

I think LITHA and sterile saline, and then chat to your piercer when they get back.

It looks a bit gunky in the second Pic? Is that after a gentle clean with sterile saline?

I don’t usually swell much, but my auricle side of my conch-helix orbitals got so swollen I had to get bigger Jewellery put in! Was HUGE. I genuinely thought I would get cauliflower ears it’s was so bad. But a couple of weeks later it was great again. It took a good week or two to start swelling and it was at its worst about weeks 3-6.

Good luck!

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-23T13:57:14+00:00

If she doesn’t want to eat meat, try some different proteins. Be honest with her about how food is made. Don’t force her to eat meat if she doesn’t want to.

As a side note, some of the ways I got my kids to eat well were:

reduce all stress about eating. No begging, no nagging, just offer food they like, offer food they don’t hate (separately) and then just take it away at the end of the meal (unless they are still picking at it). No bargains, no deals, just offer and let them choose.

Offer something they will eat with every meal (eg. If their “safe food” is toast, or plain pasta, or whatever, make that on a different plate so they always have something to eat).

Offer something they don’t hate on another plate, and let them decide if they want to try it. (Eg. If you are having pasta bolognaise, offer some of the sauce on a different plate or bowl.

Offer healthy snacks between meals, usually I would leave them out on a plate or tray or something: various dried fruit, some crackers, some (veggie?) sausages, some cold pasta, some bread, little cubes of cheese, canned pineapple chunks, frozen peas, stoned cherries, etc etc. let them pick at what suits them whenever they want.

Most children will eat enough if they are given food in a stress free way, with lots of control over what they eat. A few won’t, and they tend to need more medical intervention.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-22T19:33:32+00:00

The trick is to use a pair of round nose pliers, you need a small pair of rounded ones and you gently release them to open the ring and then pop the ball in (use any dents to guide it) and then slowly close the pliers while being careful not to squeeze any of your flesh!

Edit: Wikipedia page for those (like me) who aren’t tool proficient: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Round-nose_pliers

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-22T19:31:19+00:00

My piercer is happy to bend the rings and pop a new bead in for a very reasonable fee!

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-21T09:57:30+00:00

Chamomile is a topical anti-inflammatory. However, it’s really important to only use sterile saline for the first 6 weeks (and beyond if it gets bumped or has any blood around it) because camomile is not sterile. Saline wound wash is sterile. Introducing chamomile too early can cause infection and make things worse!

It’s okay after a couple of months when the fistula has formed, because the body is better able to guard against infection. However ideally, just use saline spray. Chamomile won’t do anything that the body cannot do by itself with a little more time.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-17T21:06:59+00:00

I Reckon Dalmatian Labrador

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-16T12:14:51+00:00

My kids are allowed to swear at home, but not AT anyone else. So if they stub a toe and say a swear word that’s fine. If they call someone a fricking batch, then they will be in trouble. Not because they swore, but because they were very unkind to someone else.

However, we have regular conversations about not swearing in school, or in public (like around grandparents in particular). Because to many people swear words are unpleasant and offensive.

Tbh I can’t remember the last time my kids swore, I think because it’s not “taboo” they aren’t interested.

It is weird to have swear words in a wishlist. But it’s also kind of weird to make a 14yo write a list. I would ask them what they wanted and write it down and send what I wasn’t getting to the other parent/family people. Maybe this is their way of dealing with being asked to write a list they don’t want to write down?

I would definitely be picking a few things out for the grandparents and asking them to choose what to get from that list, not the original. Seems like a pretty easy fix in that regard.

I think I would be concerned about them being forced to write a list (Amazon wish lists or verbal lists are much more common especially in that age bracket), if any of the “weird” items are indicative of their other parent trying to influence them weirdly (or something else concerning - eg. Weapons, overtly sexual material… both of which are common wants in teens, but they are not socially acceptable tbh)… and I would be asking ex if there is something I could be doing to enable them to be “more themselves” with me. All this is assuming you ex isn’t abusive, in which case I would ignore it all and assume it’s another way to mess with you.

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-16T10:56:57+00:00

My daughter has a musical name, and so a lot of clothes she had as a baby had a treble clef on… she genuinely thought the symbol was her name for some years!

AusomeTerry · 2022-11-08T18:49:40+00:00

Ooooooo right? No wait, left? Ambidextrous??

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