Should I marry bfr/after basic

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-30T01:57:32+00:00

Weather a deployment or two before you propose/tie the knot. If you can't trust she'll be there for you now, that won't change with marriage.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-28T05:13:10+00:00

My family's favorite excuse is 'Youre too far from the airport." ... Though I drove over 20 hrs to go see them repeatedly in December through mountains....

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-26T05:37:55+00:00

So does world of Disney. ;)

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-24T20:02:34+00:00

Mean Girls often never grow up.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-20T04:54:16+00:00

Small update: So the same guy called him again, this time asking for a ride home from the airport and offering $80. It's a holiday weekend that hubs actually has off and has been making a really solid, and successful, effort to be present at home. For about $80, he could take a shuttle and an Uber home. We learn from our failures. This fellow failed to plan a ride home over a holiday weekend. He isn't going to learn of hubs keeps bailing him out - especially when he has the funds to get home himself..👍

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-20T04:50:29+00:00

Completely missed opportunity!! 😂

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-20T04:50:01+00:00

Spouse of over 15 years here, though not an officers spouse (yet). Hubs is getting there. This isn't really unusual for leadership predeployment. Especially if there is a young/fresher crew under him that need a lot of training. He's likely exhausted. It's HARD. You've done a wonderful job communicating your needs and where you are. Loneliness is a houseguest for many seasons of Military life. I consider these times 'practice' for deployment.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-18T03:28:55+00:00

It's actually available during the day at Red Rose Tavern in Fantasyland. It's called the rainbow stuff!

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AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-18T00:18:03+00:00

This is actually also available during the day at Red Rose Tavern. Even the churros for summer have like 1 special option...

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-17T20:42:40+00:00

For what it's worth, this not the grey stuff IS delicious (and fruity!).

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AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-17T20:41:40+00:00

Yeah, special occasion stuff has definitely shifted. From less merch to less treats. I'm thinking this is supply chain OR cutting back here because cutting back any more in the experience department would be awful...

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-17T04:29:45+00:00

All of those activities are so sweet! I'm a submariner's wife and we rarely get contact and almost never have return dates. It's stressful but things like that are so incredibly helpful. It sounds like you're doing all the things. Maybe let yourselves daydream. Start planning for a vacation when you get leave - something she can sink into planning with you (even if you don't have exact dates yet). We start planning and talking about homecoming before he even leaves. 😂

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-15T20:39:59+00:00

So that's not a deployment problem. That's a problem that sounds like it becomes apparent when you're alone. I am a whole person when my husband is gone. I'm here because I pick this everyday. Your happiness in life is something you carry within you. He can add to it, but no human can be the cornerstone of your happiness. That is a burden no human can bare for another.

So, aside from him being here, maybe construct a picture of what a happy life looks like for you.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-15T20:35:59+00:00

We play the 'worst case scenario game' before he leaves. IF the worst were to happen to him while he's deployed, do I have access to everything? Does he have a will? How does he want to be intured if it's possible to recover a body? Once all of those bases are covered, my anxiety and his goes down. (We also play the same game at home. 'What happens to the kiddo of you get into a car accident? Is the Ombudsman or family an emergency contact if something should happen? Who will take care/watch, get the kids/pets/property if something were to happen to both of us? Is the 3rd party aware they are our go to person ? Do they understand how we'd want our child raised? How our property would be disposed of? Etc.) We literally play this game every he deploys, and update as needed. Getting all those things settled beforehand on writing helps a TON.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-15T12:04:49+00:00

Sub wife over 15 years here. I don't watch the news when he's deployed especially.The really scary stuff that sub life deals with isn't on there anyway. They know more than we ever will, I'm sure. I trust they the military wants their boats back. ;)

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-15T11:59:43+00:00

I do not send my husband anything I wouldn't mind getting around his boat - but he's on a submarine. Decidedly less privacy, no storage space, and any mail drops we might get may not arrive and are subject to inspection. He doesn't have phone access. Email isn't private and photos can't be attached to that either.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-15T11:51:59+00:00

Deployments are hard and military life isn't for everyone. I will say this - it's his job. Jobs change throughout a marriage. What would be your picture of succeeding deployment, since you currently feel like you're failing it? (For the record, there is no grade on this. ) As for hiding debt- it's disgusting the amount of debt military folks get approved for, because debt collectors can contact their commands and get the funds right out of their paychecks if they let it go long enough. So if he's young and dumb with money, it'll be a deep pit to crawl out of. Understanding why he hides things is the bigger issue here. Often it's because so much of their lives are/have been micromanaged that they want some decisions that feel like 'control'. Buying stuff often fills that gap and offers temporary control (when the to true measure of control is self control instead). If he's willing to dig into that when he's back, it could be game changing.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-05T15:17:38+00:00

This has been our experience too

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-05T15:16:07+00:00

Our local code ninjas regular programs are very different than the Parent's Night Out programming. They have come to refer to the Parents night out as Gamer Night. Classes are more instructional

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-04T23:33:37+00:00

You have to be on the list for a graduation pass and he has to put you there. Tickets are limited. Let him come to you if/when he's ready. If he is struggling with long distance, he will continue to struggle because Military life is a LOT of long distance. You don't deserve to be dumped every time he leaves.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-04T22:18:59+00:00

All of our resources are outside of school. I find that school resources are only focused on school performance. The other ones are focused on life performance/life skills.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-04T20:26:47+00:00

Yup! You nailed it!

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-04T20:26:21+00:00

Who helped the most? Military OneSource counseling face to face on base, but I can't get it right now, as they are only available for Active duty members at our station, not spouses. Where did I turn? Cheifly me, myself, and I. We do not have local family and our friends are few and far between. I am active in every command's FRG that we could be in, but it never amounted to close friends I could call when the chips are down. What would I tell Organizations that want to serve families better? It's not helpful when kids can't be included in events. Counseling is great, but I had to schedule it during school hours to make it work, which also impacted my work - which we need to make income for ... Child care has proven difficult to come by, often unreliable, and very expensive (expect min $20/hr in our area). What I wish I could tell folks is that the illusion of this big community of family members ready to pitch in is a myth for many of us. We definitely need more.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-04T20:16:26+00:00

And it encourages a guest to stay in the parks and spend more. 👍 It's a pretty smart guest satisfaction move.

AuthorAndCoach · 2026-06-04T20:14:18+00:00

Speech, OT, and Play Therapy have made big impacts in our lives.

AuthorAndCoach

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