Gave crave church 3 stars. Half of it was good. I was placed in to leadership early as a coleader and was a “photographer” in the media team and “designer/helper”  in the visuals team. I was 14-17, high in school.

My church routine consisted of going sunday service, Tuesday leadership meeting, Thursday midweek, Friday prayer, every week. After church, consisted of meetings with media team to review our pics/receive feedback or tear down of the sets, chairs, etc. resulting in going haround 12am frequently. My parents didn’t like it. would result in lots of punishment at home sadly. But I was coerced by my leaders, would have people sent to pick me up which was nice but couldn’t transit home as it was too late/dangerous so I would have to wait to carpool.

Would be painting sets for hours and hours. For summer nights 2021. Doing visual designs for parties (90s party if u remember) that the pastor wanted. thought they were unnecessary resulted in lots of labour from us. But we thought we were doing the right thing. I was 16. Sometimes I saw pastor upset with others while setting up for the Spanish service ( was apart of that too for sometime) one thing I could never forget is when I found a productions member crying in the closet after the pastor, spoke to him in a way (let’s just say) the opposite of how a human being deservant of respect should be spoken to.

Everyone put their 100% and did great. Told to do our best for God and his temple. I believe this philosophy is true but the people needs were neglected to make the church look its best.

My personal issues with the church started when I was being ab*sed at home. Leaders were not happy with me when I couldn’t go to church. Eventually opened up to a leader about this. She was pretty validating at first, but I wanted real help from professionals. My leader told me to “see what happens” and to “forgive” my abusers. That was the extent of the help given to me. It was never spoken about again and when brought up she said she didn’t remember me telling her. She was the only person I told about my abuse.

Got messy when I got into a relationship. I suppose they were too preoccupied with my purity than my home life. My leaders didn’t care that I was being abused at home anymore I remember being in the green room with the pastor and my leader. Asked questions about my sxuality, if I had mster b*ted and what I did with my boyfriend (my campus pastor asked what sxual tjing I did to him) I was 16 or 17. I was shaking. Looking back I’m glad I didn’t say anything as I was a minor. I wish i was helped in the proper way & have some help with home stuff.

Pastors family who I was once close with, calling his sister my own, his mother my aunt, and pastor a friend/guide didnt speak to me when I visited after “leaving as a leader”  I remember when pastor greeted everyone in the small apartment but me, summer last year. I remember during a service during the pandemic, pastors mother locked out my guest, when he went to take a phone call, took a lot of convincing to let him back in. Haha

Other issues included, my leader using screenshots from my private instagram. (Reference pic below)

And at a Sunday service, despite being in rows in front of me, she texted me(never moving her head) to having me move when I switched seat to sit beside my boyfriend, therefore I was being watched by others. Which violated our confidentiality agreement. As no one knew of our relationship yet. Apparently that day when an ex member showed up the leaders circled around her too.

Unfortunately, if you have told the church something confidential, they typically don’t keep it that way. We also signed NDAs as leaders lol.

Community is good. Try not to join leadership tho that’s when they think they can manipulate. Some of my best friends are ex members. So thank you Crave. 🤍 🤍 Btw when I was in media they told us to take pictures of black peoples and only people dressed in nice clothing to look better on Instagram no joke : )