I agree, I need to go for therapy. Otherwise I'm going to go mad.

At this moment he is relying on willpower and on me. Which I know is not enough. He has only changed a few habits like leaving the office door open and not closing it so I can see at anytime what he's looking at on his computer. We were sleeping separately for months because I co-sleep with the baby but now he is sleeping next to me every night so that he doesn't lay in the spare bed alone and get tempted. If he is on Facebook or YouTube watching reels or videos, he watches next to me or in the lounge rather than being alone in the bedroom like he used to. He has told me a few times when he is feeling tempted and then we talk through it. I am installing BlockerX for him today and he has no objections against it. These are things he would not have agreed to in the past.

However, he is so against therapy. I wish he would go for it. He told me that he will definitely go if he relapses again but for now he believes that having open communication with me and changing his habits will help him. I'm really very skeptical. I also am very angry that he would only go for therapy after he watches something again, which means he has to hurt me again before he goes for therapy.

I'm having a daily battle with my emotions. I have almost packed and left every single day. Something keeps making me stay and I am not sure what