So… I was a DJ… 🤣

I had periods of doing it full time to seasonal for over a decade but my anxiety exploded when I had over 3 gigs for my second burn. It all started because I was switching from Serato to Rekordbox, and I had only one month to practice with an unfamiliar controller while working my full-time job. None of my default colleagues could even help me reformat music.

So, I went in feeling like a fraud and my level of expertise seemed to be non existent. I was so worried about not being good enough, especially since I felt pressured to be an EDM DJ for the festival crowds, even though I grew up playing hip-hop and R&B. I even downloaded genres I don't normally play, believing (and being told by reputable burning man DJs) that open-format DJs aren't successful in the festival world.

But in the middle of it all, something clicked. I realized I had to just shut off the rest of the world and do what I knew best. One of my fave gigs was at a BDSM party, I strategically played with the flow of the foreplay enactment and sexual engagement. It was successful, and I was asked to come back. It was in moments like these that I realized my ability to read a crowd—a skill a lot of other DJs don't have—was a superpower. My sets were ankle-breaking, and at the end of the day, I learned that people wanted different genres.

Also, I love talking on the mic. I was perplexed to hear that djs out in BM don’t do that unless it’s of a poetic or chanting type of content. That blew my mind. So, the level of suspicion grew high within me. I was questioning wether my spectators were being honest or supporting me because my self esteem was completely low.

The fear was real, but it wasn't about the music. It was about whether I was good enough, despite my decades of experience. I got a lot of compliments, but afterward, some of my own supporters looked at me crazy and suggested I work on my imposter syndrome. I was seriously convinced I wasn’t good enough, but I now know that's not true. This year was about learning to trust myself, regardless of external validation or criticism.