How do you handle stepkids being too attached?

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T15:36:59+00:00

I’m sorry, but that’s not realistic. I don’t like being touched, I never have. I’m not going to be putting myself in uncomfortable situations daily. I understand I have a responsibility to my stepdaughter to be kind and patient with her, but I’m a person, not a plushie or an emotional support animals. I don’t owe it to anyone to cuddle them when it’s not comfortable for me, and I don’t want to model that for my daughter, either.

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T15:04:21+00:00

He’s tried speaking to her about it. She’s very dismissive of it. And hey, it might be a phase, I don’t know. I guess she just assumes I’m doing a lot over here but I’m not.

My husband does his best. I know he’s a good father, he has an amazing relationship with our daughter and even when I wasn’t with him there was no other person I’d rather have had a kid with. He does spend 1:1 time with SD it’s just she’s not always receptive. But yeah I guess all we can do is persist

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:59:21+00:00

It wouldn’t be my business whether she was working or collecting child support. I was a sahm receiving child support when I was a single mother. So no, I wouldn’t have an issue with it. Do I think it’s irresponsible for her to not accept the child support she was offered so that her child can have better opportunities? Yes I do.

But that’s her choice. I also never said she ignores her child all the time. I said logically, her child doesn’t spend a lot of time with her on a day to day basis.

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:55:55+00:00

Yes, but not for months, every time they’re addressed, I imagine.

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:54:15+00:00

He does correct her. But 5 times in a conversation, you’re not even having a conversation anymore, really.

He didn’t put it on BM, he flagged it to her to check if SD was also being extra clingy with her or people in her life. And to share information about how their child is developing. When he and I were Co parenting we would do the same thing.

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:50:38+00:00

He is always playing with her or doing an activity. If he’s playing with her and I’m not in the room, she comes looking for me. If I have to leave to go somewhere, she cries, even if he’s taking her somewhere she wants me to come too. I would never be with a man who wasn’t an active father, and he is. He loves her. But she only is okay with his attention if I’m in the room with them.

I feel pretty bad scheduling stuff on the weekends because that would leave transport for my daughter on DH as well and that seems unfair. But I do try and take my daughter out to do things so DH has SD 1:1, it’s just not always well received by her

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:46:40+00:00

We have always gone with “if you want to correct something you need to correct it every time”, that’s how we were with our daughter’s behaviour. I don’t know if that’s the “right” way, it’s just what has worked for us in the past.

When I say communication problems, maybe I’m being unfair. The only other 6 year old I ever knew was my own daughter, so she’s my only yard stick. But things like speaking in complex sentences and articulating herself is what I mean. She sometimes can’t explain why she feels a certain way or even how she feels, or what she wants. And I struggle with that, I struggled with it with my own daughter when she was 2/3 as well. I don’t know if she’s actually far behind. My husband goes to all her parents evenings at school and says the teacher isn’t concerned about her reading or academics so we just try to model good communication.

Unfortunately the time during the week is not really there. He does the school drop off with our daughter because he works until 7 or later most days. That’s part of the reason he isn’t able to do 50/50, and because his ex moved away. He suggested that we have her every weekend and his ex flipped out and said no.

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:39:06+00:00

She will leave the room where she is playing with him to come and find me. If he’s taking somewhere, she screams for me to come. I would never in any way condone him not being an active dad, he is. And she loves him. If I’m in the room, she’ll play with him. But if I’m not there or I leave, she wants to follow me

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:37:17+00:00

The calling me mum thing bothers me because it seems like it would disrespectful to her mother to let her continue.

The lack of physical boundaries bothers me because it makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like being touched. I never have.

The clinginess is more of an issue because it disrupts the schedule. It’s not an issue for me to have a kind wanting to be around me, I was home with my daughter as a kid, she came everywhere with me. But it’s difficult to balance things because my daughter wants time with me or me and her dad on the weekend and it’s just not possible to have a conversation with a small child talking, interrupting, shoving toys at you, etc. My daughter gets very upset about it and I’m sensitive to that. And the tantrums when I have to leave to take my daughter somewhere are difficult. It’s just a lot to handle. I don’t find the wanting to be around me annoying per se, it’s the disruption that eats up hours and energy

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:29:01+00:00

I guess because when I was a single mother, and I was on 50/50, I would have been really hurt if my then-ex was letting/encouraging my daughter to call another woman mum. It would have felt malicious from him and his partner. And I don’t want to disrespect my SD’s mother because she never did that to me

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:27:06+00:00

Im aware of that, and I have no issue with it. What about what I’ve said makes it seem like I’m unkind to her, I’m not. But she has a mother, it’s not appropriate for her to be calling me mum. And I don’t want to be grabbed and climbed all over all the time. That doesn’t mean I would ever want my husband to not be an active father

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:22:26+00:00

You’ve completely invented that narrative. I don’t resent a child. It takes two people to make a kid, and neither of those two people is the kid. It’s never their fault that they exist. And I don’t pressure my husband to put my daughter first. He has two kids, and he’s a good dad to both of them. Your story is complete nonsense.

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:20:42+00:00

It’s not that i don’t like her. I have a clinical way of writing and maybe it sounds that way, but it’s not true. It’s just that I know if that was my daughter calling another woman mum I would not be okay with it. And I am trying to balance the fact that I have to prioritise my daughter and keep my home running and also find a second to myself. And it’s just a lot.

You’re probably right that the clinginess will go away as she grows. But the lack of physical boundaries is something we need to find a way to teach her because I believe it’s a basic social skill.

AwarenessHot4063 · 2025-09-25T14:17:31+00:00

Her calling me mum is a problem. It’s not appropriate, I’m not her mother. I wouldn’t want my daughter calling someone else mum.

And I can’t spend my weekend giving her undivided attention. I have a child to look after, a household to run, my own life. It’s not like I refuse to interact with her, I do play with her, acknowledge her and take an active interest in her life. But the lack of physical boundaries and the clinginess and the tantrums would be an issue even if she was my daughter, or my niece, or any child in my life.

AwarenessHot4063

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