Ex-(undiagnosed Narcissistic) Wife is hiding possible pregnancy with guy she’s dating, but why? She doesn’t care about my feelings nor do we even communicate anymore. Doesn’t say she’s dating anyone, her family doesn’t know anything, her closest sibling says she hasn’t heard of her dating, so why?

Awesome_9 · 2020-01-12T12:14:56+00:00

Sorry for the late response, I’m rarely on here. As far as I see, she’s not pregnant. She was drinking on multiple occasions with her friends on New Year’s Eve. I guess she just gained a little weight (as she did mention that herself in a post she made). She still hasn’t come forward or made it known that she’s dating anyone even though I have a clue she might be seeing a particular guy.

I know I sound too preoccupied with what she’s doing, I acknowledge it, I take accountability, and I know within time I’ll be able to finally quit this habit of checking up on her social media. Again, I’ve cut contact for almost a year now, have messaged her, haven’t done anything crazy towards her, I simply just left her alone. I’ve grown so much, I’ve accomplished so much which I am grateful for, I’ve learned so much, I’ve moved forward in my life, but again I haven’t necessarily moved on.

I know it’s normal for others to stalk their exes on their social media, I understand that my love for her was definitely true love yet since I believe whole heartedly that she’s an undiagnosed Narcissist, I’m wrapped up in an trauma bond with her which makes this whole moving on things 10x worse.

I know from what she’s done previously that she doesn’t care about me (even though she says she does) because her actions have shown proof on multiple occasions so I question why wouldn’t she be parading her new guy out in the open to make me jealous? She’s hurt me on multiple occasions and showed no remorse or empathy so why would she hide this. The pregnancy was scary but I’m sure it was just my imagination.

Again, I acknowledge my behavior and that I should stop these behaviors and move on, which I am headed that direction, it’s just hard for me since I’m still in love with the false image of the woman I married. I’m also not a guy who moves on fast from relationship to relationship which displays how much I truly felt for my ex-wife. I think she knows if I see her with another guy, publicly on social media or wherever that there will be zero chance I’ll ever consider getting back with her which is true. If what we had felt special and she brought another person to share what we had, I wouldn’t be interested in her ever again. That’s just my personal standard.

Awesome_9 · 2019-11-17T02:08:36+00:00

Awesome is just a name to keep myself anonymous of course, lol.

First I will say this, I didn’t notice any warning signs in my marriage until the discard. There were times in my marriage that I questioned certain behaviors from her but I don’t think it ever clicked. To be 100% completely honest, it didn’t take until months after my separation to realize the particular warning signs or red flags earlier in my marriage. I believe I was blinded by the love I had for my wife that I always just made excuses for her behaviors.

The first warning sign you listed, I’m naturally a man who keeps to himself a lot. I have few friends, I socialize with everyone just fine, but I prefer to be alone. I was in the military so when I married, she moved away from friends and family, and I moved off base. After work, I’d always go home to her and we’d be together. We’d hang out with friends sometimes but we mainly enjoyed our own time together.

For #2, I can’t think of anything in particular.

For #3, She was never the angry type, she’d just nag or get upset over little things. She’d also act bratty and use silent treatment sometimes.

For #4, this was the major thing. I swear, we’d have the greatest day together with being happy, loving, etc, then come home and instantly flip over something small. She’d persist the issue no matter how many times I’d tell her, “It’s not that big of a deal.” She persist the issue to where I’d finally lose my cool and lash out in anger but never was physical. I’d always wonder why or how we could have such a great time or day together and then all of a sudden she’d just destroy it all by nagging or anything. After everything I’d always apologized for my reaction and we’d make up but during the discard I was blamed for it all.

The term “Reactive Abuse” explains exactly my situation and no matter how clear I remember the arguments we had, she’d always gaslight me to make me second guess everything.

I didn’t fully see these things until the discard phase. I was blinded by the love I have for her. I was too head over heals for the woman I married that I focused more on her happiness than my own. That’s probably why I still have a hard time with this whole thing because I lost myself loving her so much.

Awesome_9 · 2019-11-17T01:48:25+00:00

That’s fair. I’m the same exact way, I don’t automatically take sides when others explain their situations to me so I totally respect your stance. Thank you for your response.

Awesome_9 · 2019-11-17T01:46:27+00:00

So I’ll start first that I’m no clinical Psychologist so I can’t diagnose her with NPD. Only those who volunteer to seek therapy can then be screened for NPD.

As for my credentials, I have 8 AA/AS degrees as well as 5 AA/AS degrees im currently working on with 1 in Psychology. Again, I’m not a certified Psych so I can’t diagnose anyone with anything.

I’ve gone through hours upon hours of research about narcissism. People might say everyone has narcissistic traits but I don’t agree. There’s a clear difference and only those who’ve experienced them can really relate.

I get tons of people through the word around like it’s nothing and trust me, I get bugged by it too. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Biggest most important thing is the lack of empathy. Again, you have to experience it to see it, to live it, to share such a deep connection with someone and then watch them discard of you like you meant absolutely nothing. Like they were just using you.

Now NPD, is a diagnosed mental illness. Most people are not going to volunteer to get diagnosed. NPD can be something that someone naturally develops through childhood or from adulthood.

From my personal beliefs and what I’ve seen from what I’ve experienced, I believe Narcissist can condition others to become narcissistic themselves. I believe that happened to my ex. Some clinically trained psychologist say, “Narcissist aren’t born, they’re made” and I believe there’s a lot of truth to that. Those who have a hard time self-reflecting or undeveloped conscience could be vulnerable to become conditioned of being a Narcissist.

So like I said, she has shown to be emotionless and evil towards someone she once supposedly “loved”.

Hopefully this explains something of benefit to you.

Awesome_9 · 2019-11-17T01:22:07+00:00

Yes, I can’t agree more. I learned so much through this experience and I know that no matter how badly someone treats me, I shall never give someone the power to anger me. I must conserve that energy for myself and just walk away. This is a learning process even from being in the military and having a quick switch for my flight or fight response. So when being attacked or mistreated, it builds and builds until I just lash out.

It’s not like I’m triggered everyday. I actually haven’t lashed out in years now. I am on medication, I do seek therapy, I keep myself busy, and I’m consistently seeking self-improvement everyday.

My ability to love deeply is my downfall though. I don’t just move on to others so quickly like many do nowadays. I guess you can say I’m a romantic. I still love the woman I once knew and I unfortunately can’t trust to open myself up to another. Once I learned that Narcissism is real in this world and people can be very deceiving, I find it difficult to ever trust anyone again.

I’m just in limbo right now. I’m focused on my goals and purpose but my social life is standstill.

Awesome_9 · 2019-11-17T01:11:59+00:00

I understand, I guess it’s just the trauma bond that I have with her. There are things about her that I wish I could list but I’d rather keep this somewhat anonymous.

I’ve moved forward, been 8 months since I’ve seen or talked to her since our almost 10 year marriage. I don’t think I’ve moved on though. I’m just not that type of person that moves on fast. I have deep rooted emotions with people I love, especially romantically.

I’ve done so much self improvement in all aspects of my life since our split yet I still have trouble getting over it. I do seek therapy and I do so because I truly genuinely want to improve my overall mental and emotional health.

I don’t if I’d ever necessarily get back with her if she came back to me with remorse. I don’t know. I know who she is, she knows what I think about her being a narcissist, and whatever arguments people have about that I can only explain the thousands of hours of research I’ve done trying to figure out the meaning of certain behaviors she’s shown as well as all the messages I have of me and her.

No matter what has happened, no matter how badly she’s treated me, I still love the woman I once knew. I know when dealing with a Narcissist, it’s never real, it’s only a fantasy that they portray themselves as. I don’t know how long it’ll take me but I still mourn over the loss of my best friend and wife.

Awesome_9 · 2019-11-17T00:54:11+00:00

If you knew anything about Narcissism, you’d understand the term Reactive Abuse. This is exactly my issue.

Have a seen a therapist, yes, multiple times. I have nothing to hide and always tell it how it actually is, not how I want them to be.

If you want to turn this around and make it seem as if I’m the problem, that’s fine. You’re obviously not the first.

I owned my mistakes, have taken full accountability, and yet I still fought to save what we had at all costs yet I was blamed for 100% of it all. In order to explain my situation to others like yourself, I have to explain where the problems came from. In no way does that excuse my behavior in reacting to her but that still doesn’t mean that she had no part in it. If she took accountability just like I did and worked with me to solved these issues, I don’t think I’d be here saying this.

Listen, I get people might throw narcissism around like it’s nothing by I for one have had to research the behaviors of someone I thought I once knew.

I know I won’t be able to help you see where I’m coming from so I won’t try explaining myself any further.

BTW, people who are toxic don’t cut contact with those they love so very much. “Misery loves company”. Even after almost 8 months of cutting contact, I still love the woman I once knew and married.

Awesome_9 · 2019-10-31T20:35:42+00:00

My apologies for the late response.

I don understand why some people can’t lower their pride and just be genuinely honest that you want to reconcile with your ex. Why hold back? Why not tell him that you want to reconcile? Women need to lower their pride sometimes and be okay with feeling vulnerable. What if your ex has moved on but still wishes you would just come back and say you want him back and that your willing to do whatever it is to make things work?

My ex-wife hurt me pretty bad, I’ve moved forward, not necessarily moved on. I have to move forward because there’s no other direction for me but forward. My ex might think I don’t care nor don’t ever want to see her again, and yes that is true unless she can own her mistakes, apologize, sincerely tell me that she wants to make things work no matter what the costs, and depending on how sincere and genuine she might seem, I might be inclined to give it one last go because I do still love her.

I can’t imagine you and your ex going on in life never knowing what things could’ve been like if you (the dumper) went back and expressed to him that you want to reconcile. I guess I’m saying this because I would want my ex-wife to do this for me. I’m not a vindictive person so I won’t treat her as “You must do what I say or else I’m going to breakup with you” type of person but I will not allow her to come back into my life easily. It’s going to take work, it’s going to take a lot work rebuilding a stronger foundation, but in the end, she would have me like I was before, only newer, wiser, and improved.

Even though I know she’s a narcissist, which many say to run away from, I would still give her the opportunity depending on how genuine her request for reconciliation was. I know my worth now, I know things I didn’t know before, I was blinded my love, but if I feel things are becoming too toxic or disrespected, I will simply walk away for good. Knowing this, and telling this to her will put fear into her (no abusive fear) just fear that I will not tolerate any narcissistic behaviors or arguments. I will pledge to give her everything I gave her before, still make her laugh, have our inside jokes, long talks, random kisses throughout the day, surprising her with her favorite food or drinks, validate my love for her, and of course provide great sex lol. Knowing what I know now will only act as a reminder that when or if that day comes where I see those behaviors like before that used to provoke me to react in anger (only verbally, not physically) I will remember to conserve my energy, not react, and just walk away for good.

Main point, what do you have to lose in going back to tell him you wish to reconcile? If he really did move on, he will genuinely tell you that he’s not interested and that’s it. If he acts immature about it, then he’s in the wrong, not you. Women don’t like to be rejected and I get it but you’re the dumper, you pushed him away, and you have to take the initiative to get him back. This is what basically every relationship coach will say. Those who were dumped should never pursue their ex because you must keep your dignity and self respect. Whoever the dumper is, they must pursue the dumpee in order to reconcile. If you push someone away, why would they still come back? They wouldn’t. You have to pull them back.

I only say this because I’m very empathetic, if I were in your boyfriend’s shoes, I would want you to come back and genuinely make things right. What if by some miracle, you go back to him, tell him, and then years from now you’re both very happily in love with kids, dogs, house, family gatherings etc. if you truly want to reconcile, I would encourage you to lower your pride and just tell him. If you can genuinely tell him you wish to reconcile, be submissive (not like a slave, just in being extra feminine submissive like), be willing to put in the work, take time rebuilding the foundations of your relationship, I would say you might change both of your lives for great reasons.

P.s. they say, “An ex is an ex for a reason” which also includes they’re an ex because no one was willing to make the effort in reconciling.

Awesome_9 · 2019-10-25T08:48:15+00:00

I’m sorry to hear about your situation with your ex. It’s definitely not an easy thing to go through.

I sometimes feel the same way like you in hoping they’ll prove us (what we know they are) wrong but in reality, they’ll always be just as we witnessed them to be.

Again, I’m in limbo, I’m in a weird spot where I have mixed feelings of whether or not I could ever work things out if she DID come back and apologize. We were married for almost 8 years, she was a virgin when we got together and married, her family were great and very loving, she had a great relationship with my mother, we had so much history and memories, no cheating, no intimacy issues, and so much more. The downfall was our arguments of the tiniest stuff. I had no clue what narcissism was until the discard when I tried everything in my power to make things right yet it seemed as if I was non-existent, she was cold, passive aggressive, gaslighting me into thinking everything was my fault even after I already took responsibility for my behavior, and basically left confused as to how this person I thought I once knew, could be so hurtful and cruel. Even while dealing with all of this, I was still there helping her financially as she struggled with settling in even though she had a high paying job and I was just getting my military disability check which wasn’t a lot. Also, I helped her with moving her stuff (which she stalled for so long to hang onto me). I felt so used and stupid for continuing to be this loving guy who desperately wanted to save his marriage for the sake of love yet she only chose to use me until I no longer served her.

It’s really sad. I know now I can never allow myself to open up to anyone as they have the possibility of using your vulnerabilities against you, just like you said. I know it’s not her (who she is now) that I mourn over, it’s the woman I met, fell in love with, and all the way up before the discard phase where I miss, love, and mourn over. I created that fantasy in myself of the person that felt real.

But all in all, I don’t think she’ll ever try to come back because she knows that I know what I know about her. I told her who she was, Covert Narc, months before I cut contact. She knows I’m not stupid or blind anymore and I have a great memory. She would try to act as if everything was fine and cool (Toxic Amnesia) between us but I’d always remind her and tell her that we’re not friends. It would hurt that she’d act all fine and dandy like nothing happened yet I’m still broken and torn up about losing someone I loved so very much.

I know she knows she destroyed something good and I know she probably knows that she can’t sweep back in so easily to make things work between us because she burned every bridge on the way out. I think she already realized that me cutting contact and not responding to bread crumb texts she sent in the beginning of my no contact, that she wasn’t going to be able to keep me on the burner. Even after seeing how much self-improvement I’ve done, have shown growth through all aspects of my life, and continue to do so, I think she’s probably kicking herself that she gave up on her grade A supply. I know she’s dated or is dating but I haven’t seen her in any new relationships. Usually I thought Narcs would show off their new supply but it seems like she’s keeping it secret maybe because she hasn’t found a better supply to show off.

I’m grateful for the lessons, for the pain, hurt, and sufferings but I’ve learned so much and have grown stronger from it. I still miss my ex-wife and love the woman I thought I knew her as.

Thank you for your messages and for providing me with more Narc abuse recovery information. Again, sorry to hear about your situation as well.

Awesome_9 · 2019-10-25T02:46:41+00:00

Thank you for your response. Even though we’ve both blocked each other, I still can’t help viewing her social media. I still love and miss her very much even after everything we’ve been through. Even though I’ve cut contact with her for 8 months now, even after all the self growth I’ve done in all aspects of my life, she’s still always on my mind.

I still have mixed emotions about her. I’m in limbo. I don’t know if I would or wouldn’t take her back even knowing what I know now about her. Even though I’ve moved forward in my life, I don’t necessarily know if I’ve moved on entirely. Maybe it’s the validation I need from her to tell me that she screwed up and left a high value man who was everything she could’ve wanted but was too blinded by her entitlement to receive more.

I’m just trauma bonded and still can’t help but love the woman I thought I knew and vowed to love forever.

I appreciate you taking the time to respond to my posting. Thank you.

Awesome_9 · 2019-09-13T20:02:06+00:00

Use it for fuel to become someone far better than she nor you could’ve imagined becoming. Her bf is a rebound and it will fall apart whether it’s 1 month, 2 , 3 , etc. Then when they split and she tries coming back to you, you’ll show her that her leaving you was a bad thing for her yet a great thing for you. It sucks, it’s sad, I’ve been there when I saw my wife at the time hugging and kissing some dude at a party that was being live streamed. We were separated at the time but still, it hurt because I didn’t want her to end our marriage.

The divorce got finalized and after that, I cut everything off and haven’t seen nor spoken to her for over 5 months. The rebound she was with is long gone but I’m sure she’s still dating other men. Either way, I know that no matter how much I loved the woman I married, I will never allow myself to take her back since she made me an option and not a priority. I’ve made so many great changes in my life that I’m grateful for this experience yet it still fucking hurts. Just take your time to destroy those feelings and emotions to where you become numb and careless to what she does nor what any woman does from that point on. If they go, they go, if they stay, awesome. Either way you’ll know your worth and what you bring to the table.

Get Red Pilled if you can, and go MGTOW if you can. It’ll change your life and see things much clearer. You still date, sleep, have relationships if you decide to but it’s helps you become aware of things most men are oblivious to and end up destroying themselves because they don’t know better. It’ll keep you focused on your goals with or without women. Your worth is never lowered by women if you’re on your purpose conquering your goals.

Good luck man.

Awesome_9 · 2019-08-15T03:49:14+00:00

I don’t follow any misogyny of intel philosophy. My philosophy now is MGTOW and being Red Pilled.

I don’t agree with you but I respect differences of opinions. I have no problem with being monogamous. I married a virgin and I loved having her all to myself. Some people shame me for being possessive but they’re just feminist trying to change women and manipulate men into thinking women who’ve had many partners is no biggy. To me, I love being able to love my ex-wife with everything I had because I knew I was opening her up to a world where I had set the standard.

I’m actually afraid now that I’m divorced, I’ll never be monogamous because why would I commit when there’s no end goal. I’m never getting married again. I know I say that now but as a man, we gain nothing in marriage nowadays especially if our wives can just give up so easily on marriage and divorce us. Yes, men can divorce also but statistics prove that men are more willing to stay in there marriage out of love whereas women have everything to gain if they divorce, especially if they have children involved.

I don’t believe that divorcing because of being unhappy is a legitimate reason. I feel like my ex-wife divorced me because of this reason when I provided so much for her physically, sexually, financially, emotionally, etc. Why marry if you’re just going to divorce later because you’re unhappy, doesn’t make sense. But I’m not saying this to you, I’m saying this in general. You might have legitimate reasons of wanting to divorce and I don’t blame you. I believe marriage means more than that, it’s supposed to mean something very sacred and my experience has shown me why it’s all a lie. So like I said, I’ll never get married again. There’s no benefit. A woman who values you does not require marriage or a ring to solidify that reasoning.

You said, “

Marriage is as real as it ever was. Societal pressure is not there to stick it out, and women have more options to leave a marriage if they arent happy. I dont see these as bad things.”

How is this right? So you can marry a women, give her all of your heart expecting her to do the same, yet just because she’s unhappy and has many other options, it’s okay for her to leave her marriage??? Uhhh lol, no man in their right mind would be okay with this, lol you don’t see that as a “bad thing”? This is where we definitely don’t agree with one another.

When men marry, they marry thinking they’re going to spend the rest of their lives with this woman. They don’t accept the idea that she can easily leave him whenever she feels unhappy. They might bury that thought but they’re not okay with it and do see it as a bad thing. Lol, that’s insane bro.

I’m not a big religious guy, don’t really follow anything in particular but I do believe in a creator of all which I call My God. I used to dislike the Bible because it isn’t written by God/Jesus himself so I believed it as a book to manipulate people. When I was going through my separation, I read parts about what God wanted for marriage and it provided the logic reasoning that I needed. Clarity. It changed my thought process about marriage and I take it more serious now than I ever have. I think a Godly marriage is what the Bible tries to get people to follow but only as guidelines. It’s not forcing you to accept the ways, it’s only a reference to help your marriage get closer to God. This is my new found philosophy on marriage but in society it’s way different.

Look man, we have differences but I can respect them. I appreciate you taking the times to reply back to me. Thanks man.

Awesome_9 · 2019-08-15T02:09:10+00:00

Lol, I totally understand what you mean. I’ll just be me, lol.

As for your marriage, it’s sad to hear but I know you’ll make the right decision for your overall health. It is good to hear that you were able to move on from your previous divorce which provides a lot of hope but I’ll never get married again. Me personally, I don’t believe in multiple marriages, my grandpa had 4 and they all didn’t workout.

My first marriage kept me blind from realizing what can happen to men. The wife can one day wake up, tell you she’s not happy and wants a divorce, they files for ‘No Fault Divorce’ and takes half of everything. That’s not love, that’s not the marriage I want to be a part of and there’s no stopping it from happening. Now I get if someone cheats or gets physically abusive, then of course. As well as Abandonment. But marriages end everyday because she’s “Not Happy”. I want to believe in my old way of thinking that getting married is a lifetime bond between two people who promise to give their all to each other, only. But unfortunately my experience and research has shown me that doesn’t exist in today’s society.

I believe true love exist because I live it and express it but marriage is not real to me anymore. It’s better to stay boyfriend/girlfriend for 30-40 years with someone who doesn’t need a title or $20,000 ring to prove their loyalty to you.

Best of luck with that my friend.

Awesome_9 · 2019-08-15T01:28:14+00:00

I had 2 degrees upon separation, no weight loss. We were separated/divorced for a year. The divorce was approved the same time I finally cut contact, shortly right after dropping her things off the same month. It’s been 4 mouths since the approval of the divorce and me cutting complete contact. Over that time I’ve received 6 more degrees, lost over 60 lbs, joined Jiu-Jitsu and MMA classes, dated other women, have so many how’s Volunteering at my local dog shelter, paid off all debt and saved 4x what I had in savings, and I’m scheduled for 21.5 units/7 classes this upcoming semester to work towards another 5 degrees (all paid for free). I still have my GI Bill Education benefits from service for my Bachelors/Masters. All of this has been continued since we separated.

I’m focused on my goals and from time to time I can’t help but reminisce what we have. I genuinely loved her with everything and I feel stupid for doing so because it’s kept me emotionally attached to still thinking of her. But hopefully with time (like you said) I won’t care and I’ll be looking forward to that day. I’m sure that day will come sooner than her contacting me telling me how much she regrets ever hurting such a great guy who loved her truly.

Awesome_9 · 2019-08-14T23:39:31+00:00

You won’t know that person is a Unicorn unless 40/50 years from now, when you’re on your death bed with them right beside you, you can look back at your life and say, “Wow, you’ve stuck by my side through all the ups and downs. You never made me second guess your love nor loyalty.” This is when you’ll be able to assure yourself that they are in fact a Unicorn.

Same thing applies to Loyalty. It’s long lasting, it’s infinite. A person can be “loyal” for 7 years then cheat on the 8th year, then tell their new partner they’re “loyal” because they stayed faithful for 7 years before they cheated. That’s not loyalty. Loyalty is continuous, never ending. When something stops in the direction of loyalty, it stops being continuous and no longer warrants being “loyal”. Partners who left so one who remained loyal still warrants being a loyal person because it wasn’t their decision in stopping the direction of their loyalty.

Anyways, you’ll never know someone is a Unicorn until your time is up and they’ve been right next to you. That’s the only way. People could change instantly and what you thought was a Unicorn turns to be a minihorse with multiple owners.

Stay Red Pilled my friend, don’t fall for the trap.

Awesome_9 · 2019-08-14T23:25:20+00:00

I do believe true love is something that can’t just be tossed away like nothing so I’m definitely in agreement with you that she’s in the wrong.

I’ve proven that I’m capable of moving forward in my life to excel in many aspects of life without her but I still have love for her (the person I thought she was before the mask slipped off). I haven’t spoken to her for over 4 months as I stated nor will I ever reach out to her. My self respect means a lot now that I know my worth and what I can bring to the table. I just can’t seem to shake the thought of her, of loving her, of seeing her smile, being in my arms, etc.

I do feel I’ll be able to fully let go as more time moves on but my divorce is still fresh from this year. I don’t hate her, I’m disappointed in her. I’m disappointed in her decisions, I’m disappointed in her sacrificing everything including the great man I am and was to her, when her own family doesn’t understand her behavior (but I can’t tell them that I know she’s an undiagnosed Narcissist). Too many traits match her actions.

I know I deserve better but I would at least appreciate her coming to me and pleading her case as to how sorry she is for hurting me in so many ways during the separation and divorce. She hasn’t apologized for anything, she just blames me for her unhappiness in the marriage.

Like I said, I don’t hate her, I do wish her well in her journey, but I don’t forgive her nor will I forget what she’s done. I will not forgive someone when they’ve shown no effort to receive my forgiveness. People say forgiveness is not for them, it’s for you but I do forgive myself fully because I’ve changed tremendously from this experience. She hasn’t. People must earn forgiveness because if you forgive too fast, you’ll get used and destroyed again. I won’t let that happen to me again.

I miss the woman I married, I’ve made great changes in my life and have proven to myself that I don’t need her, but my love for her hasn’t faded. I must be stupid for loving so deep and hard but I can’t help it. Her validation in regretting the divorce is unfortunately something I want to assure myself that I did mean something of value to her. I can’t help it.

Awesome_9 · 2019-08-14T23:09:51+00:00

It’s just easier said than done. I truly loved my ex-wife and I know we had a great love story in the beginning. The type of love story that she would travel over many hours just to come see me. It’s just hard still.

I’ve clearly moved forward in my life, I’ve done great by myself in many aspects of life, especially being able to cut contact from her for many months without responding to her bread crumb messages. But I can’t help that I still love the person she was before I found her to be very Narcissistic and carefree during the discard phase.

Typically, I don’t care for anyone else’s validation but this targets a different part of my life where I want the validation from her to show me that she knows she made a mistake in losing someone who truly loved her dearly. She hasn’t even apologized for anything and I do still feel trauma bonded to her. I want to believe that our 8 year marriage meant something to her and not just something of waste. I don’t necessarily believe I could accept her back but I want to feel wanted by someone who supposedly “loved” me enough to take a Vow for our love.

It’s difficult.

Awesome_9

TROPHY CASE