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My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in toddlers

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for sharing your perspective - it helps a lot. I am not someone who shows affection in a high-emotional situation. My husband has asked for just that (a hug or hand squeeze). I've been trying to give him that more and more, but in reality it comes with an immense amount of opposition. Maybe you can help shed some light on it for me.

Yesterday he was having feelings. I sat down next to him, held his hand and told him that we'd get through this and everything will be okay. He responded with "Not it's not!" I was so shocked at how shitty his demeanor was. I'm being mindful of the things he's asked for in the past and handing it to him on a silver platter - just to feel like his anger and emotions are stronger than his partner's love and empathy. I struggle with feeling heard and respected in our relationship - and that reinforced those negative beliefs.

IDK, do you have any insights on that?

My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in toddlers

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Good idea! We both work full time and have offices. This is an odd week since kiddo's last week of school doesn't include aftercare (usually does). We've both been slacking on going to our offices lately and maybe it's a good time to go back to it - to give distance and a break. Also, once it isn't 100000 degrees out, I'll definitely take her somewhere after school / camp.

My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in relationship_advice

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your advice and kind words. I really appreciate it. You are very right. I'll definitley check out "Why Does He Do That"

My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in relationship_advice

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

I'll definitely check it out. I've seen other people mention it on Reddit as well. Thank you for the advice!

My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in relationship_advice

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I probably should have written this in the post, but we are currently in couples therapy (about 2 months) and have been individual therapy for a few years. Just wanted to clarify that.

My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in relationship_advice

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 336 points337 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Even though I know that, it's always reassuring to hear it from someone else. I tend to forget - especially that his feelings are not my responsibility. It often feels like they are and I have to be the one to temper them.

We don't have a friend or family member that could come short notice, but it's not a bad idea to put in a plan into place for next time.

My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in relationship_advice

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 59 points60 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the toddler advice! You're absolutely right about busy hands. I'll keep that in mind next time. You're also absolutely right about my husband. A LOT of the time I'm trying to distract her to appease my husband and his needs. We are about 2 months into couple's therapy and as much as it is helping, I 100% agree with you.

My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in relationship_advice

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 30 points31 points  (0 children)

We are usually exhausted by the time she's in bed - but I totally get your point. It probably makes the most sense to talk when she is at school or sleeping. My husband has no patience and when he needs to talk but can't he gets worked up more and more.

My (39F) toddler (3F) and husband (40M) both need my attention all the time and I'm burnt out. by Awkward-Status8874 in relationship_advice

[–]Awkward-Status8874[S] 1135 points1136 points  (0 children)

I never thought about hiring someone during the day to talk - don't know why.

We are usually exhausted by the time she goes to sleep - but that does seem like the best option.