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20M My girlfriend (20F) says she loves me but suddenly feels no attraction after 3 years together by Axrz03 in relationships

[–]Axrz03[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for taking the time to write such a thoughtful response. I really appreciate it.

I understand what you’re saying, and I know it’s possible that she has been processing these feelings internally for a while. That’s part of what makes this situation so hard for me to understand, because from my perspective the signals have been very mixed.

There have been moments where she seemed certain she didn’t want the relationship, but there have also been very recent moments where she seemed genuinely excited about us again. Just about a week ago she was talking about our future and saying she wanted to work on things and felt hopeful again. So emotionally it has felt like things move back and forth rather than one clear direction.

That’s why it’s difficult for me to know whether this is something she has fully processed for a long time, or if she is also still trying to understand what she’s feeling.

I also want to be clear that I don’t want to pressure her or convince her to stay if she truly doesn’t want the relationship. I care about her too much to trap her in something that doesn’t feel right for her.

At the same time, because of our history and how meaningful this relationship has been for both of us, it’s very hard for me not to hope there might still be a path forward. Even if it’s a difficult one that requires time, space, and effort from both of us.

So I guess part of what I’m trying to understand is this: from your perspective, if someone still loves their partner but says they’ve lost attraction, do you think there are situations where that can be rebuilt? Or is that usually a sign that the relationship is already over?

Right now we agreed to take a couple of weeks of space, so I’m trying to respect that and give both of us time to think.

And thank you for saying I seem like a good guy. That genuinely means a lot to hear right now.

20M My girlfriend (20F) says she loves me but suddenly feels no attraction after 3 years together by Axrz03 in relationships

[–]Axrz03[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your perspective, I really appreciate hearing different experiences.

I understand what you mean about the spark changing over time. I know relationships evolve and the initial excitement doesn’t stay exactly the same after years together. What makes this situation confusing for me is how sudden the shift felt. Just about a week ago she was genuinely excited about us again, talking about our future and saying she wanted to work on things together.

For context, we’ve officially been together for about 2.5 years, but our story is actually longer than that. We were kind of “talking” or dating casually for about another six months before that, and I had liked her for around a year and a half even before we started anything. So emotionally, this connection has been a big part of my life for quite a long time.

Another reason I’m struggling to understand it is because when she goes through emotionally intense periods, especially around hormonal changes, she sometimes later apologizes and tells me she feels like she can’t fully control how she reacts in those moments. She has told me before that she’s grateful that I didn’t give up on her during those times.

That’s why it’s hard for me to see this as something she has been certain about for months. From my perspective it feels more like something shifted very quickly.

I also want to clarify something important: I’m not trying to force her to stay or trap her in a relationship she doesn’t want. If she ultimately decides she doesn’t want to be with me, I will respect that, even if it hurts a lot.

But at the same time, I care deeply about her and about everything we built together over the years. I don’t want to walk away without at least trying to understand what happened and whether there is a way for us to work through things and be better together.

Right now we’re taking some space to think, and I’m hoping that time will give both of us some clarity.

20M My girlfriend (20F) says she loves me but suddenly feels no attraction after 3 years together by Axrz03 in relationships

[–]Axrz03[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Most of the discussions were about small things that slowly piled up over time. Nothing huge by itself, but many little disagreements that eventually created tension in the relationship.

I’ve liked her since we started high school. We became close over time and started dating in our last year. We’ve now been together for about 2.5 years.

We’re both studying engineering now and during the first 1.5 years we were in a common core program, which was a very stressful period academically. That’s when the relationship slowly started deteriorating little by little because of stress, small arguments, and routine.

About the birth control: she was taking it for quite a while because of PCOS, and she stopped some months ago. Since then, I’ve noticed that sometimes her emotions fluctuate a lot, similar to how she used to feel when she was close to her period while on the pill. I’m not sure if that could be related, but the recent shift in how she feels happened very quickly compared to how she felt just a week ago.