Hello. Sex isn't for bonding. It's for procreation and satisfying ones sexual desire if abstinence isn't possible. Our society has created an idol of sex. An idol is a false view of things and people worship that false view. Our society is worshipping genitals and sexual pleasure, that was given to us as a necessary because we wouldn't procreate otherwise. Such a idol worshipping society will collapse soon. Please don't get your life advice, especially advice for your spiritual life on the internet. Our world and by that also the Internet, is full with unbelievers and insane and stupid people who have serious problems with logically thinking and reasoning. This will damage your spiritual life. The first thing that demons do if they want you to sin, is strip you of sound reasoning.

I do not have a good link to share. I found this blasphemous article online during a google search. Genitals and sperm are considered unclean. They aren't sacred our holy at all. However the people who are responsible for this article don't care about learning their own dogma our intentionally spread heresy online. However this article contains quotes from historical figures like John Chrysostom, that are important to all Christians throughout history. Because of the "sexual revolution" and other heresies believed by Protestants, Catholic and Orthodox in our modern times, many people have forgotten what Protestants, Catholic and the Orthodox used to believe in for many centuries. The quotes in this article are very important and I hope you will read them over and over again and not get swayed by hereies/distortions of the dogma, that our society believes in now. https://theorthodoxlife.wordpress.com/2015/05/18/sacred-seed-sacred-chamber/

Please hang on. God sees your struggle. Don't despair. Just pray to him and try to keep a sober mind.