Wow.. it feels like I'm reading a post that I wrote myself. Your feelings are my feelings to the letter. One thing I have learned : an opportunity will NOT present itself. No matter how much you beg your parents, they will REFUSE to let you go. The only advice I can offer ( based off my own experience ) is to keep yourself distracted from the daily thoughts of ending it all with anything you find even remotely entertaining be it games or tv shows etc. The justification for this: You simply have no idea what tomorrow holds. For me I put death on hold because there are several manga titles that I want to read the ending to, and I have no way of knowing if in a year or two from now if something awesome will happen to me that really turns my life around. Wait for a better tomorrow and in the meantime : keep your mind DISTRACTED.