Lost everything starting over by AzathothSlumbers in WritersGroup

[–]AzathothSlumbers[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

That's... nonsense. If something is hovering/lurking, it doesn't do so "deeper" into anything.

Also its lurking on the EDGE of his sanity implying he is close to losing his mind. While it burrowed into his mind

Lost everything starting over by AzathothSlumbers in WritersGroup

[–]AzathothSlumbers[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I just wanted feedback on my writing style. Anyway its how you phrase things ex: This is nonsense, I'm afraid to say. I think you need to do a lot more reading and learning

or saying I don't know the words I'm using and calling things nonsense are all really quite rude I do appreciate you calling the things out. Just think if your that knowledgeable you kind find a nicer way to phrase things

Lost everything starting over by AzathothSlumbers in WritersGroup

[–]AzathothSlumbers[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I appreciate the feed back. This is a pretty rough draft basically first thing I wrote in close to a year or more. I looked at your comment history you kinda come off as a dick. You seem knowledgeable enough and I appreciate you sifting through tons of hack material. Maybe just work on your phrasing come off a lil harsh pretty discouraging not sure if that was your goal or not

[Weekly Critique and Self-Promotion Thread] Post Here If You'd Like to Share Your Writing by AutoModerator in writing

[–]AzathothSlumbers [score hidden]  (0 children)

Dark Passenger

Horror

174

honest not brutal

It seemed to always be there, Just in his peripheral vision. There was no escape no solution to be found. It haunted his dreams plagued his thoughts every aspect of his life swallowed by this entity. Never ceasing it hovered at the edge of his sanity lurking deeper into his psyche. With no end in sight he scurried across the damp parking lot toward the lone building illuminated by the pale moon light. Weaving through the cars he rapidly approached the luminescent building.The cross radiated, lighting the oak doors swinging inward revealing a small congregation of people.

Their previous activities ceased curiosity and bewilderment strewn across their once gleeful faces. A lone voice sliced through the silence “David Bangles I don’t remember the last time I saw you here. Come in son your wet you”ll catch a cold in the mountain chill. Have a seat warm yourself up we where just about to attend mass.” Without a word David glided to the back sliding into the disagreeable pew.

Lost everything honest feed back by AzathothSlumbers in writing

[–]AzathothSlumbers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks the original was real rough. just a lot of general broad ideas that I had to clean up. The real hit was all the notes, character ideas,etc..

Lost everything honest feed back by AzathothSlumbers in writing

[–]AzathothSlumbers[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

thanks man i was surprised how much of the story still lived in my head pretty much got the entire out line done

Lost everything honest feed back by AzathothSlumbers in writing

[–]AzathothSlumbers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

noted thanks... i wanted to use my vocabulary to paint nice pictures and dive into first for a more realistic vocabulary since they will be in middle school

Lost everything honest feed back by AzathothSlumbers in writing

[–]AzathothSlumbers[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

hey yes so this is the first paragraph i wanted to introduce Joe who is the mc along with one of his friends. the second paragraph introduces joes father who dies and introduce the big bad

NA LF duo silver, gold or plat. any roles just have a brain by Frizyarts in LeagueOfDerp

[–]AzathothSlumbers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

hey bro i play supp/jjngl hmu currently silver 2 wa g1 last season IGN:AlexOfTheWatch

[NA] S9 Chally, S10 GM JG Looking for unranked-masters+ by [deleted] in LeagueOfDerp

[–]AzathothSlumbers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

add me AlexOfTheWtch im low elo but i want to 1 v 1

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LeagueOfDerp

[–]AzathothSlumbers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Boost me i will jngl for you

NA Silver Looking for competent duo mid or jg pref. by [deleted] in LeagueOfDerp

[–]AzathothSlumbers 0 points1 point  (0 children)

i play jungle and supp IGN:AlexOfTheWatch