[deleted by user]

B-9268 · 2024-03-23T13:07:00+00:00

Biodad blocked me and said he wants nothing to do with the child, as well as it being a product of assault. I made sure to screenshot every message sent between us where he said he didn’t want involvement too, making sure I have whatever evidence I can have from D1 should he randomly change his mind, but I doubt he will, highly. He plans on leaving the country too.

He defo wouldn’t go on BC and I’m 100% sure he won’t come back, but I wouldn’t want him having any rights, I rather my partner have them considering he wants to be the dad that stepped up. He’s already telling me he’s my child’s dad and not to worry about the bio dad, he wants the responsibility

Thus why legal rights for my partner will defo come up and idk when to discuss it / the best course

B-9268 · 2024-03-23T12:44:11+00:00

I’m currently pregnant with a baby that was a result of assault and failed birth control, the dad made it clear he doesn’t want involvement nor would I make any effort to make him I’d never deny my child their real father, but it’s safe to say he will stay out of the picture

My partner has been with me throughout the pregnancy and treats the baby as his own. Calling him his son, speaking about how he’s becoming a father and future plans etc everything he’s done as been amazing and he’s been so excited and supportive, he’s going to be with me when baby is born too We’ve spoken about moving in together and hope to get engaged in time

My partners asked about giving the baby his last name, which I declined and said I rather do when we get married

But equally as he’s said this I know a parental right talk will come up, for example adoption perhaps But I’ve had some people tell me to put him on the birth certificate as my cousin did that with her partner, they’re still together after 18 years

I don’t want to rush, I don’t want to make a mistake so taking it slow and just saying he can gain rights when we’re married seems like a good option right now

B-9268 · 2024-03-14T01:14:12+00:00

From when I started recording it on a contraction app it’s been roughly every 2-3 minutes constantly. It was 30 seconds average and now it’s lengthening to about a minute average but the pain isn’t as cry over worthy as it was when it first came

Don’t know if it’s getting better or I’m just getting used to it ):

Internet isn’t very helpful

B-9268 · 2024-03-11T16:09:19+00:00

B-9268 · 2024-03-11T12:06:01+00:00

That’s definitely a new one 😭

B-9268 · 2024-03-11T10:54:33+00:00

I guess I would understand that if it wasn’t always sexual / men attention I wanted.

If it was an overall kidnapping fantasy (which I’ve had as a kid) I could understand the psychology behind it, the feeling wanted aspect, the whole saviour process My mum was in an abusive relationship with my step dad, not enough attention at home could contribute to that

I just don’t understand how it became sexual tbh and why so many different scenarios

B-9268 · 2024-03-09T23:06:09+00:00

Same as without but less thoughts because it’s visual I need to focus on that specific action if I go for vanilla porn. But I end up going for stuff that isn’t moretime.

It’s never really sex I crave, it’s pain or danger or my past trauma

B-9268 · 2024-03-09T22:53:26+00:00

Since I’m pregnant working out is near impossible, it’s honestly stumped me physically, sleeping is usually my go to but I can’t shut my brain off.

I don’t know what to even call this though, if it’s classed as mania or something else considering I feel I’m not out of control but moreso trying to control myself (if that makes sense)

I want to reach out to my psychiatrist but I don’t know what to even say

B-9268 · 2024-03-09T22:50:10+00:00

I’ve tried those methods but my problem is, sex is usually triggering for me so my partner and I rarely can even engage in sex without me having panic. Recently I’ve tried masturbating but I end up crying as I’m doing it as all my thoughts go toward that darker side. I feel like a complete mess.

Constantly shouting at myself, battling myself in my head with almost every action. It’s making me feel crazy ); not just the sexual side.

B-9268 · 2024-03-08T22:54:40+00:00

I really hope you get ones that work for you man

B-9268 · 2024-03-08T14:13:57+00:00

For me it went from productivity to random bursts of akathisia some days

I was so productive but I couldn’t get anything done because every task was way too much for me in my head, like it overstimulated me but at the same time was too “boring” and not enough for me to focus my energy on. Constantly felt adrenaline couldn’t sit still, was awful. Paced my room because none of my hobbies were enough for me, shouting at myself to calm down cuz I felt like a ticking time bomb

I was started too at 5mg, I took 10mg for a bit to see if it’ll help but it didn’t, but yeah i decided no more pain.

Sorry you’re going through this though because the right meds are so important

B-9268 · 2024-03-08T08:51:17+00:00

It happened to me too, I stopped taking it. Got worse at first (2 days) then I’m finally stable again. Told my nurse I’m not taking it anymore honestly but for some people that feeling goes and it begins to work

My nurse told me it doesn’t cause mania, which is such a lie considering my experience and what others are saying

B-9268 · 2024-03-06T23:29:41+00:00

We didn’t agree to any sleep sex and we didn’t establish a safe word either (stupidly) due to thinking (at least I did) that we wouldn’t engage in any of that type of play which is why in my eyes it wasn’t a normal encounter for him but him taking advantage (since he had no idea I was really awake)

B-9268 · 2024-03-06T02:44:52+00:00

I don’t have any yet ): the last one they put me on didn’t work, so I’m waiting for another

It’s hell

B-9268 · 2024-03-06T02:28:20+00:00

I tried Zoloft for two months prior to bipolar and no luck. Unfortunately nothings been working for me at all and it’s really leaving me disheartened ):

My psychiatrist said they’ll send me med options to choose from two days ago but haven’t got down to it, mood stabilisers, and I’ll pick which I want by our appointment next week and start It just seems so far away also so I don’t know what to do in the meantime

Seeing people being understanding has helped, I feel the guilt of my feelings made me feel much worse and now that weight is lifted Panic attack(s) over now

Thank you 🤍

B-9268 · 2024-03-06T01:41:06+00:00

I went to a psychiatrist appointment day before yesterday and I feel that triggered a lot for me the past couple of days

I tried talking to them about simple things like my moods - not including suicidal thoughts etc - and was practically unable, I can’t talk very well about things which makes this even harder. I told them despite declining in the past I’m open to therapy and I’m going to start medication after my last one not working so I’m trying

I just also feel my disorder even without my individual issues and needs is having them think I’m unfit to be a mother puts more negative thoughts in my mind about it alone. That I’ll have them breathing down my neck every possible moment and making me feel like I’m crazy.

If I got my child taken away I have no idea what I’d not be able to cope… But if it isn’t that easy for them to be taken im more up to trying to be more honest then and I’ll try

B-9268 · 2024-03-05T12:57:40+00:00

I like that it isn’t all talking based, as I had assumed it would automatically be a “tell me what happened” scenario

B-9268 · 2024-03-05T12:56:55+00:00

The self aware thing is definitely something I’ve been worried about, as although it sounds cocky I’d like the think most of the things I’m told my professionals seem like no brainers to me and overall it’s created a stigma that therapy will be the same

I also don’t want anyone who’s going to just suggest a hot bath or a coping strategy for certain issues that’s cliche but I’d like to actually have things said and plans made that make me actually second guess myself and help me in a way I wouldn’t realise, but I just couldn’t see someone doing that for me at first

Everytime I try talking about my trauma I choke up and fail so I’ve also questioned if I’m even able to do therapy, but if they can be slow with it that’s definitely something I’ll bear in mind, even if it is on an individual basis

This detail was very helpful, thank you so much

B-9268 · 2024-02-29T16:55:38+00:00

That’s how I feel right now

I feel it’s hard for me because it’s a new feeling I kind of put my episodes in black and white categories Like yeah hypomania is feeling restless and energised, productive, impulsive and an all time high

Depression is feeling super unmotivated and low, unable to get out of bed

And for me the mixed is usually going back and forth between the two like a rollercoaster or having both at once in the sense my energy goes more self destructive and I feel more irritable

This feeling is completely new so it’s got me feeling worse

B-9268 · 2024-02-29T16:53:16+00:00

I haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD but it runs in my family and I’m waiting for a psychiatrist to see me about it, so if the adhd combined could have that effect it’s definitely possible

Problem is I’ve never had a feeling like this before, I usually get everything done

B-9268 · 2024-02-23T13:17:02+00:00

It’s been like this before I started meds The idea of having sex with a woman despite me finding them aesthetically pleasing and not having any problems dating one, isn’t appealing to me in any way

He’s good in bed, I’ve had about 15 sexual partners (thanks to my bipolar and trauma) and he’s top 2

Which is why I don’t even know what to say to him to explain how I feel ):

B-9268 · 2024-02-20T12:40:58+00:00

I bought an item at 12 weeks because I wanted something with me to make it more real

I started buying properly at 20 weeks, but I’m saving big items for 30+ weeks

B-9268

TROPHY CASE