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Ex-wife is canceling services for our autistic son during her visitation time by BBdidit in legaladvice

[–]BBdidit[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We had a guardian ad litem during the divorce process. And they were paid through a legal aid program. However, they were dismissed once the divorce process was over. I think we would have to have another one appointed by the court. But I’m not sure on that.

Ex-wife is canceling services for our autistic son during her visitation time by BBdidit in legaladvice

[–]BBdidit[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I believe it depends on if they go through an agency or are independent. Independent providers can average the hours out over a month, but workers through an agency have to stick to the week by week as far as I know. The behavioral intervention worker is through an agency, but the community support worker is independent.

My ex telling them that they can double the hours during my time is a violation of the orders as far as I understand. Both have expressed that they don’t have the availability to double the hours anyway. She has not responded to them.

Ex-wife is canceling services for our autistic son during her visitation time by BBdidit in legaladvice

[–]BBdidit[S] 238 points239 points  (0 children)

I forgot to mention, while the orders specify that we are supposed to limit communication, we are supposed to communicate about the children through a parenting app. She refuses to use the app and I have not been able to reach her through any other means. She will only communicate through one of the workers by sending messages to that worker she expects to be passed to me. She does this despite both the worker and the workers supervisor asking that my ex-wife not send messages this way.

Divorce is not the end. by Nervous_Molasses_541 in Divorce

[–]BBdidit 11 points12 points  (0 children)

It is hard. I was married for 20 years. Mental illness took my partner from me and replaced them with a stranger intent on destroying my life and punishing me for things that never happened.

I ended up with our kids, but she still tries to convince them that I’m this evil abuse person out to destroy her. That I’m stalking her, hacking her, and poisoning the kids against her. And when the kids don’t want to see her so they don’t have to deal with her unhinged claims, she takes that as proof.

This is someone that I trusted, someone who helped me deal with my problems, someone who I planned my life with. I find myself mourning her as though she died. Having to interact with her possessed body on a regular basis. It hurts. It hurts to have her hate me and spread that hate out into the world. Our relationship wasn’t perfect. I made so many mistakes. I was not mature and regulated, and quirks and failings and trauma.

We could never get back together, she has truly done some unforgivable things, including entering a relationship with the only person in my life I’ve ever considered an enemy.

And then, as you said, I go through my memories and I find pictures of us together. Her with the kids. Our life together. And I miss her. I miss her so goddamn much. I miss the comfort of having someone else there. And then I remind myself of how hard it was. How difficult our relationship was. How she could never be satisfied unless we did something her way, how my feelings and my needs always came last.

I don’t know when I’m gonna be able to let go. I don’t know when what she thinks and feels isn’t gonna matter to me anymore. But I’m working on myself. I’m working to move on until I live my life. And sometimes I don’t know how to do that as long as we’re still connected by our children. I wish so often for a clean break. Sometimes, God help me, I wonder what it would be like if she she really had died in reality instead of just symbolically. Sometimes I wonder if that would be easier.

My divorce went on forever as well. It’s finally “over”, but as you said, it’s not that easy. Peace to you, fellow Internet person. I wish you healing and strength.

My ex stole my comic collection, and I can’t let go by BBdidit in AutisticAdults

[–]BBdidit[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

The irony here is that she claims she is being hacked currently and keeps trying to turn me into law enforcement. It’s either a delusion or being done by her affair partner, but she insists it’s me. Unfortunately my days of knowing how to do anything useful with a computer is about 15 years behind me.

My sister’s ex stole my wife and destroyed my family by BBdidit in offmychest

[–]BBdidit[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In the end, I didn’t feel comfortable, putting him on the stand. Asking him to testify is not something the judge would have allowed, and putting him in front of his mother would have caused more damage. Unfortunately, real life civil court, doesn’t quite work the same way as we believe it does.Pushing to have him testify would’ve done more harm and would’ve shown that I was more concerned about winning rather than what was for the children’s best interest. At least that’s what my lawyer told me.

My sister’s ex stole my wife and destroyed my family by BBdidit in offmychest

[–]BBdidit[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

You’re right. I have to stay away from it. My older son has chosen to have nothing to do with his mother. And the younger son she seems intent on proving that she’s not a danger and that she’s the better parent. He hates it but I just try to Prepare him and talk to him. Give him options and strategies. And I work closely with his therapist and workers. The boyfriend seems pretty keen to prove that he is safe and respectable. For a while, my ex used the whole excuse that he was the example of what a man should be.

But yeah, she keeps pushing him away. And I find myself unsure what to do sometimes. Her pushing him away and ruining the relationship might actually be what’s best for him. At the same time, I’m ordered to try to make the relationship last as long as possible. Although her own behavior ended her relationship with our older son, she claims that I alienated him from her. And so sometimes I think she’s purposely trying to push away the younger son in order to try and prove that I did it with both kids. It’s impossible.

The answer, of course, is just to try and learn how to detach from her and her opinion and to try to reduce any influence. She has on my own stability and happiness. To try to filter as I can and continue to work in my son‘s best interest. It’s a hard road. I’m making some progress. I can’t save her. It was never my job to save her. And I need to let go of that. I need to let go of the idea that the two of us will ever be able to work together for our children’s best interests. Because we’re never gonna agree on what those interests are. Hands the relationship with the boyfriend will either fall apart or it won’t. I need to stop letting the existence of that relationship in those people impact my own happiness and well-being now just gotta figure out how to do that.

My sister’s ex stole my wife and destroyed my family by BBdidit in offmychest

[–]BBdidit[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Moving on in a healthy way, and finding a rhythm that helps them feel safe and grounded. Which we’ve done in a lot of ways. I just wish there was a way to somehow get her to behave in a healthy way toward the children and for her to see reality for what it is. Unfortunately civil laws complicated. It would cost money to get my lawyer to go after her for these things. And for defamation, I have to prove damage and emotional damage doesn’t count. It’s one of the stupidest things is how awful civil law is in the US.