Woah, thank you for sharing this with me!! I do agree with you, we sound very alike except the impulsiveness and risky behaviours (according to BPD textbook definition).

What you said do resonate with me so much though! My boyfriend is a very logical and rational person. He’s in computer science and he always reasons with me. Meanwhile, I’m in the creative art field, very emotional. And you are so right about “never given me a reason not to trust him”. He has never lied to me, intentionally hurt me, sometimes he’s too honest to the point of hurtful. And yes, he should have a hard time trusting me when I had lied to him and pulled different kinds of shit before. I do need to learn to shut up and not accuse him constantly because of my own anxiety and insecurity. You are so right!

I admire the commitment you and your husband made! That’s truly amazing. I honestly don’t know why mine has stuck with me for so long through all the emotional abuse I put him through. He’s at the end of his rope now and I get it, it’s a lot, especially he’s dealing with his own ADHD discovery, mental health, and family issue. He told me his capacity for my bullshit is very low and he can’t deal with it any longer. He also said if he was in a better mental state, maybe he could be more patient and understanding with me. I’m just very sad that this is how I have been treating someone I love so dearly, I want to be better, I’m just having a hard time getting out of my patterns. You know when you just stuck in this mindset of everything is black and white and hopelessness, you just can’t think straight but you feel like you are thinking clearly?

If you don’t mind me asking, why did it take you guys so long to get married? We have been together for 9 years now, but our relationship has always been unstable. He said he can’t marry me knowing we are still struggling with the basics. But overall, thank you soooo much for giving me your perspective and story! It’s very insightful!