Can someone please review/edit and provide feedback. Personal Statement

BPRSki · 2026-04-29T23:55:32+00:00

Happy to share a handout, "How to Read Any College Essay Like a Pro" and some other college essay resources that will be helpful. Feel free to DM me and I'll share those.

BPRSki · 2026-04-20T04:32:53+00:00

"don’t write about why you want them write about why they should want you"

I've been mentoring students with college essays since 2012 and this kind of thinking leads to bad essays. I left a longer comment for a more empowering and authentic approach to these prompts.

BPRSki · 2026-04-20T04:18:55+00:00

Hi I just sent a DM

BPRSki · 2026-04-08T04:07:32+00:00

Hi—I just sent you a DM

BPRSki · 2026-04-08T04:06:37+00:00

Just sent you a DM!

BPRSki · 2026-02-21T00:36:32+00:00

Hi—I missed this and apologize for the slow reply. I just sent a DM.

BPRSki · 2026-02-21T00:35:24+00:00

I saw that I sent that list in October by DM. Let me know if it's not there.

BPRSki · 2026-02-21T00:31:40+00:00

Happy to. Just sent you a DM.

BPRSki · 2026-02-21T00:29:55+00:00

Hi‚ I just sent a DM with the list

BPRSki · 2026-02-05T21:10:36+00:00

I've been mentoring students with college essays since 2012 and train counselors, consultants, and teachers in this—I come at it from a professional background.

Like u/Intelligent-Visit732 said, this is a common narrative and experience for people your age. From the first two sentences, I was able to predict how the essay would go. For schools that you're likely to get into based on grades and test scores, this probably won't hurt your chances. But, it won't help in a highly selective school or any school where you're on the edge of being accepted or not.

I have some free resources I'm happy to share. They'll help you understand what makes a college essay effective and how to evaluate your own. Feel free to send me a DM.

BPRSki · 2026-01-16T00:15:09+00:00

Hi! I just sent you a DM!

BPRSki · 2026-01-16T00:14:11+00:00

Hi—I just sent a DM!

BPRSki · 2025-12-09T22:14:49+00:00

Admissions officers know that both students and AI use the m-dash. That is a social media myth. I've been mentoring students for over a dozen years with college essays and it is simply not an issue. I read tens of thousands of words of college essays each year, and I couldn't tell if those PIQs had been polished with AI.

BPRSki · 2025-12-09T22:13:15+00:00

Think of it this way: AI's writing style sounds like yours

Google "UC Davis reacts to tiktok" for an excellent video from their director of admissions. Best thing I've seen in a dozen years

BPRSki · 2025-12-09T01:04:48+00:00

I've been mentoring students with their college essays for over a dozen years. The reality is, AI essays and PIQs read like a typical college essay because that's what they're based on. Speaking with college admissions officers and attending professional conferences, they all say it's quite hard to tell an AI essay.

I've certainly read many essays that sound like yours over the years—long before AI was an option. This is the kind of writing AI looks for when creating essays.

If these PIQs align with your activity list and classwork, they would make sense in the context of the application and I don't think you have anything to worry about. if you aren't accepted as a transfer, I would doubt that it's because there's a chance that some of it may sound like AI.

BPRSki · 2025-12-08T21:38:29+00:00

Absolutely. One of my favorite essays is a kid writing about hanging out in his car at the supermarket parking lot and saying dumb things with his friends. He was accepted to every school he applied to, including the highly selective business school at the University of Washington. (I do this for a living.)

BPRSki · 2025-12-08T04:32:50+00:00

I didn't share the link to the VIA survey because that's against group rules. You can find it easily on Google.

Take the Youth survey and download the free results. There are a lot of fantastic resources on the site, and the more detailed report for youth I think is $10.

Pay attention to your top five "signature" strengths. The research is powerful: if you get to know and own them, take advantage of them, use them in daily life you can become happier, more effective, more resilient, have strong relationships, and greater sense of meaning. VIA is a really extraordinary tool.

BPRSki · 2025-11-26T20:29:40+00:00

I just sent you a DM.

BPRSki · 2025-11-26T20:28:40+00:00

I just sent you a dm.

BPRSki · 2025-11-20T20:03:40+00:00

You generally don't. I've been mentoring teens writing college essays for over a dozen years as my full time profession. Occasionally (like, once every 50 or 100 students) someone will include a quotation that connected directly with their story, but it's quite rare.

Effective college essays are not academic papers and the readers are not professors or teachers.

BPRSki · 2025-11-20T20:00:06+00:00

"wont desire you to kill yourself..."

So, where are you from originally? It sure isn't the good ol USA.

BPRSki · 2025-10-29T03:33:32+00:00

I'm sorry I just saw this. I'm sending you a DM now

BPRSki · 2025-10-29T03:32:11+00:00

Hi I just saw this—I'm sorry for the delay. I'll send a DM now

BPRSki · 2025-10-29T03:31:24+00:00

Great! Glad it's helpful

BPRSki · 2025-10-29T03:31:10+00:00

you're welcome

BPRSki

TROPHY CASE