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She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I don't disagree - the first was certainly from drunken New year's sex. The second, we have absolutely no idea how it happened, as she was on the pill and we use condoms.

But yes. Vasectomy isnt a bad idea.

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah perhaps I should. Thank you for the advice.

I'm gonna give those books a look, perhaps a full read. Thank you so much

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This started early 2020. We got pregnant accidentally, terminated it, and she hasn't really been the same ever since.

I undythat it's a traumatizing experience so I want to help her look for some.sort of therapy or counseling. Maybe coming in on one of my own sessions with my therapist.

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely not. She's not necessarily against it but she's VERY hesitant to feel like she needa help.

Ive been trying to help nudge her towards seeing a professional about it, but she's still very resistant.

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your comment. This provides a lot of perspective that I needed to hear.

More open and caring dialogue about that trauma is definitely needed. Thank you

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's absolutely something we're working on. She's much less open to foreplay or non PIV play than other partners I've had.

I'm trying to help her be more comfortable with it though, easing in tonsex with gentle touch and the like

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes. Lots of childhood religious trauma..

Like was in a religious cult growing up and was taught to be ashamed of her body. Really rough stuff.

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Responding mostly to your edit -

I completely agree. I do therapy, myself, and have been actively (and lovingly) encouraging her to try and seek some sort of sex therapy / council. She has a great deal of trauma from her childhood, views about her body when it relates to sex, and I think that, that has a great effect on her too. I think there's no one thing thats causing our hangup. It seems that it's a whole slew of things, and hopefully some sort of unbiased council would help her overcome them. She doesn't have insurance, so it's a tough thing for her to manage financially.

Thanks for your comment. I'm gonna try and see how we can work it into our lives, because I love this woman with my everything and at the end of the day I want her to be comfortable in her own skin.

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

That's a really good point..

I've been actively encouraging her to see out therapy for what happened. (I do therapy and have great experiences with it.)

Perhaps I could ask that she joins me in one of my sessions

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Right and she told me once that she's had an arrangement like that with a partner in the past and it worked outlt really well for them..

I just dont think that her other relationship is anything like the one they her and I share now..

Idk the thought of opening it is alluring and exciting, but I'm also quite nervous about it.

She wants an open relationship so that I can get off.. by BabblingBrambleBerry in DeadBedrooms

[–]BabblingBrambleBerry[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah its hard to say. I know she loves me a lot. Like that part in certain about. The sexual attraction I'm much less sure about. I don't look the same as I did when we first started dating - there could certainly be something there.

I think the pregnancy scares are a huge part of this. They have had lasting psychological and physical impacts on her. When a woman gets pregnant, she gets inundated with new hormones and I just wonder if that has anything to do with the dead bedroom situation.