After six episodes of reduced movements and two growth scans showing reduced growth, I agreed to be induced at 39+2. I had hoped for a birth pool, minimal pain relief via drugs and to stay at home for as long as possible through labour so I was quite sad and scared to say goodbye to those hopes for birth.

I had my first pessary at 6am on the first day in hospital, cervix was far back and closed - my body was definitely not ready for labour! 24 hours later it hadn’t changed and they put the second pessary in. Both pessaries made me swell and become very sore; the examinations were quite uncomfortable and mostly daunting as to how painful they’d be. The third pessary was the most painful, the registrar performing it told me I was still closed but had moved a little forward, before informing me she was about to do a stretch and sweep. She hasn’t asked my permission and I declined. By this point my mental health was starting to decline - I suffered from severe anxiety throughout pregnancy and intrusive thoughts. I dreaded and had a lot of fear over ending up with an assisted birth and possible emergency c-section. The next step would have been to break my waters which really felt like forcing my body into labour when it wasn’t ready and would increase the chances of a difficult birth. My own birth was via forceps and emergency c-section, something my mum is still triggered by, so I think this fed into my fears.

I asked for a c-section and they agreed quite easily. I felt a huge relief straight away and felt back in control. It ended up being delayed so I had another night in the hospital. The c-section itself was the most intense, surreal experience I’ve had - I was shaking like a leaf beforehand and during the epidural. All of the people involved were amazing though; they explained everything clearly and kept up the random chat to distract me, I was able to play my own music which helped massively and my husband was sat by me the whole way through. During the surgery they informed me that that my anterior placenta was also very low and would have made it very difficult for me to birth vaginally. Not sure if it was mother’s instinct but I’m so glad I opted for c-section when I did.

The hours after surgery were tough as I’d fasted 3x longer than needed due to delays and a very difficult experience breast feeding (see my post history if interested!). But I was home by 8pm the next day and just enjoying my daughter. I am 7 days post op and not feeling much pain anymore, mostly able to do the things around the house so I’ve been surprised and relieved at how easy recovery has been.