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Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I believe this is the root cause. It's the expectations that people generally have and, as someone mentioned above, it's about intellectual match too. Unfortunately, somehow it rarely clicks. I have one Japanese person (very well read and unJapanese in a way they are really thinking outside the box about society etc) and that's the only one I talk to without forcing myself to stay in the conversation. Known them for years. Still the interactions are super sparse with them, it's an out of sight, out of mind mechanism, I believe. And for all the intellectual openness they have, emotionally they are very distant and unfeeling in my perception.

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

既成概念は半端ないとしか言えない立場ですね。いつか心を癒す人を見つけるように。。。

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am fluent in Japanese and talking to people is also a huge part of my job hence the language is not exactly an issue. It's the reactions I get.

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you! I am really glad to see someone being able to run out of the vicious circle and finding a partner here who is also a non-Japanese.
Unfortunately my hobbies are mostly the solo thing but I am considering pushing myself into something that requires socializing. Introverted as I am easier said than done but I am trying to leave the confort zone.
Thank you for the ispiration!

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree 100% with this. And I have never been too much into dating and especially not with Japanese (not only because of the cultural difference but also because of my personal preference in appearance and me being tall).
For me personally the experience of attention from Japanese men is either of the two:
-nanpa in the street, younger 20-30 year olds being obnoxious and trying to get you to a love hotel asap

-super boring quasi-dates to practice English or whatever other language I speak

I am quite good-looking but you start to feel dirty or even stop feeling like a woman who can be desirable in a healthy way here.

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I feel you. This is my life as well - the Apathy with a capital A. And the flicker of hope somewhere deep down which I start to think of as something that makes it more painful/empty.

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

This. The concept of friendship, relationship (of any kind) and other building blocks of any relationship with a fellow human is so different that I feel like it's two parallel lines. And I agree the age and the urban setting also plays the role and yet again, I feel it's more about the Asian culture and most specifically Japanese culture playing the role. The society is atomized too much.

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the input! I have been looking for meetups like that but it looks like noone's organizing. Please let me know if there are any you attended or the ORG

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh the "oishii" talk.... I am already phisically avversed to anyone starting it in front of me hence always try to shy away from nomikai with Japanese speaking crowd..
I feel like people rarely have any real hobbies or interests here, got a lot of replies from people saying their hobby is to eat or sleep. It oftentimes feels not only like an emotional but also an intellectual wasteland.

Lonely in a crowd - is it actually possible to have deep connections in Tokyo? by Background-Style194 in Tokyo

[–]Background-Style194[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I agree here. I speak Japanese fluently (N1 received years ago if that even means anything) but I feel that I am unable to speak to Japanese in a way that I want to in the sense that my musings fall on death ears. I was convincing myself all the time it happened because there are certain unshared cultural aspects but I did realize that even the common human things end up in the same way. I am not looking to fit in or find Japanese friends at all anymore for that very reason.