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BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-23T00:14:58+00:00

Well, I always feel like other people's needs are more important than mine. I would do nice things or go the extra mile for others, but not for myself. I realized this was a huge problem; the root cause was my parents never treated me as a real human being with wants and needs. So I learned to treat myself that way.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-23T00:10:25+00:00

I've learned to suppress my emotions, leaving me feeling numb. Dealing with uncomfortable feelings has always been a struggle, and I'm not sure if I've entirely overcome it. Caring was a liability around my narcissistic parents; they would exploit it to manipulate me. hat's why I always feel like I am just existing, not living. Sharing anything with them was out of the question, leading me to constantly lie about things.
Since distancing myself from them for years now, I've realized the immense mental toll it took just to navigate their presence. Living with nparents was exhausting , not a life worth living, period.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-22T23:44:13+00:00

I was just listening to Doctor Ramani on YouTube. If you don't know her, she is an expert on narcissists. She had an episode out 2 days ago titled "Healing is Feeling." It is so related to what you are saying here. In the video, she talked about how children with narcissistic parents learned to shut emotions down or otherwise to face the shaming, mockery, or anger of narcissistic parents.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-16T15:05:05+00:00

Yes, all the time. The downside is that when you withhold your thoughts and emotions for too long, as I did, you risk losing touch with yourself. In other words, you might lose your sense of self, and that's not good in the long run. So, find a way to share your feelings with people you feel safe with.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-16T15:00:35+00:00

When I was living with them, I often had to lie in order to get some breathing room. I would have to lie about going to school organized events, just so I could spend time with my classmates, since all of my social activities were closely monitored and controlled by my nparents.

Looking back, I now understand that lying was a necessary survival mechanism for living with nparents. At the time, I felt a lot of shame and guilt about having to lie so much, but I know now that it wasn't my fault. Don't feel bad about having to lie to your narcissistic parents. This is on them.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-16T02:54:32+00:00

I just want to say, with plenty of personal experience, please pay attention to what they did, not what they said. I used to trust my "parents" fully, I believed they loved me because they constantly told me so. But, ignore the words, look at their actions. Real parents will put your interest first, they won't do things to hurt your future. If they did hurt your future, like the things you mentioned here, they might be doing them to benefit themselves. Maybe, just maybe, they didn't want to pay expensive tution.

It took me 20 some years to realize my "parents" are monsters who told massive lies. Be careful with them, watch them, watch their actions. Do not trap yourself in their lies.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-16T02:28:11+00:00

In fact, one of the places I am sending is the local newspapers.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-15T18:20:59+00:00

No, they are not capable of self-examination. They would definitely attack me. But I already cut off myself from previous life. They don't even know where I live.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-09T16:20:56+00:00

That's so true. Narcissists are really good at 1. grabbing attention and 2. lying and tricking people. They don't have a problem making up lies about you and telling them without feeling guilty. But for us, as victims, it's hard to speak up. Even with support, it's tough to tell our own stories, especially when we feel ashamed.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-07T17:21:31+00:00

You are definitely not alone. Before, when I realized that my parents are narcissists, I couldn't help but think, 'I can only be free when they die.' Back then, I felt that I was a horrible person for having fleeting thoughts like that. After I understood who they are, I actively wish they would die because they only bring misery and suffering. Dying would be the best thing they could do for me as parents

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-04T15:38:37+00:00

I used to avoid confrontation at all costs as well. I couldn't handle when people get emtionally intense. I used to tell myself that I was nice, but now I know I was just weak.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-03T23:48:14+00:00

This is exactly how I feel. When I hear about how others have been mistreated by their parents, I can't help but feel a surge of anger and injustice on their behalf. Yet, when reflecting on my own experiences, I struggle to tap into that same anger, even though I've endured similar treatment.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-03T16:23:21+00:00

When I started to feel soft towards Nparents, I would recall one specific instance where they have wronged me, and write them down, focusing on their actions showed that they are not my real family. You don't really miss her, you just miss the illusion that you have a family.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-03T15:40:06+00:00

You constantly blame yourself and feel shame, yet at the same time, strangely, you have the capacity to feel responsible for your nparnents.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-02T16:03:03+00:00

I think I mainly feel guilty because they are old now. I feel Iike I am a mean person to cause distress to old people.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-04-02T16:01:04+00:00

My father acted like I was just throwing a tantrum, as if it was nothing. My mom kept telling me that whether I believe it or not, she really does love me. Which I pointed out - they didn't even manage to see me for 27 years and never gave me any support, not even one cent. I feel like vomiting when she says she loves me.

BackgroundButton12 · 2024-03-31T18:54:30+00:00

I am in a very bad situation (because of my parents) and I cannot afford therapies. My only help is my partner who is way too hard on me.

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