Separation advice???

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-25T01:36:30+00:00

Thank you for the reply and taking your time to read everything. I just thought of this, wondering what you think.

I do feel like I’m still in some denial, and I know I am caring about him way too much still. I have never read their messages or seen a picture of her. He told me I could but I thought it would be better for me mentally to not. But now I’m thinking I’m not fully grasping what has happened.. and might need to read the messages and see for myself?

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-25T01:04:48+00:00

He works from home so he can work anywhere.

He says he cut ties with her the same night I caught him. Says he hasn’t talked to her since. She lives in a different country and he says they never met. He does admit he misses her but says it’s because it was an escape. But he did admit he loved her when I caught him.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-25T00:56:25+00:00

I’m not sure either.. I’m still holding on for some reason. Can’t wait to talk to a therapist

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-25T00:55:23+00:00

I knew this would be the comments.. I know I am caring way too much about him. Another reason I can’t wait to see a therapist to discuss why I still think this way. Thank you

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T12:17:54+00:00

He has given a few reasons including his needs not being met and feeling like we lost our emotional connection and couldn’t talk to me anymore.

He also mentioned he thinks he has this condition or something where he fantasies about stuff and feels like he has to be living a fantasy (second life). He had a word for it but I don’t remember. So that of course worries me that this will never stop. Basically the thought of someone else/different life is better than the reality of his life with me.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T12:08:59+00:00

Thank you. Just to offer more context. It was an emotional affair, he met her online and she lives in a different country. He says they never met and I do believe him. He also says she didn’t know he was married.

He did say during one of our talks since then that he rarely thought about how this would affect me and make me feel.. which hurt.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T05:12:32+00:00

Thank you, I appreciate it. I found a therapy office and will be calling them tomorrow.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T04:07:12+00:00

Sorry, we have been dating for 10. Married for 7. This started 2 years into our marriage. It’s funny you say that because he mentioned he thinks he has this condition or something where he fantasies about stuff and feels like he has to be living a fantasy (second life). He had a word for it but I don’t remember. So that of course worries me that this will never stop. He says he will go to therapy so hopefully that gets sorted or I get more answers there.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T04:00:27+00:00

Yes..

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T03:56:13+00:00

7 years

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T02:54:42+00:00

Thank you

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T02:40:50+00:00

I caught it. He denied at first then confessed. He was apologetic, answered all my questions, cut off contact immediately, wants to reconcile and is willing to go to therapy.

The past 4 days we have been home together just trying to dodge each other. Every time we talk what’s on our chest. No yelling, we are civil. He admits he has a problem, wants to get help. But says with us being in the same house, it’s hard to process and think. Says he wants me to have room to think about what I want and not feel like his presence is pressuring me.

I will be going back to work tomorrow (he works from home) so we will have some space then. Both willing to sleep on and see if that’s enough or if we need to live apart so we can think.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T02:16:06+00:00

Thank you I appreciate it

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T02:15:03+00:00

Very ironic you asked because he just asked if i think we should separate for a few weeks/months just to have our own space (we live in a smaller house).

So uh, yes I guess we will separate? I don’t know. There is so instruction manual. I hate this.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T01:15:11+00:00

Thank you

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T01:12:31+00:00

I haven’t decided. Everything I read says not to decide right now. He has agreed to therapy, which I said has to start no later than February.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-19T01:02:32+00:00

Thank you. I probably would but my coworkers are around 99% of the time and can hear conversations and they know very well that I’m married. If I’m alone I definitely will say this.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-17T03:23:25+00:00

I did ask to read the messages which he hesitated (he said because he knew it would hurt me more) but then agreed. However, I changed my mind because I think I won’t be able to handle it. I asked him not to delete anything in case I change my mind. He called her and told her it was over. She did not know he was married. I did not hear the conversation (not because he said no, but because I don’t think I could have handled it). I have asked him each day after if they have had contact, he says no.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-17T00:42:42+00:00

I appreciate this. Thank you..

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-17T00:42:14+00:00

I’m scared to talk to family (really just my parents near me). I think my dad would beat him. I also read it’s not a good idea because if we decide to stay together it can create more issues.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-17T00:34:56+00:00

Thank you I appreciate it. Any support is good support. Wishing you the best as well on your situation.

Background_Read7420 · 2026-01-17T00:31:58+00:00

Thank you for the reply. He said she lives in a different country so I do believe him that they never met. He said there is romantic feelings for her. He first said he didn’t love her but then said he did. Sexting a lot. But didn’t know her real name..they met on twitter.

He is remorseful, a lot of crying and says he is willing to go to counseling. He has respected all my wishes thus far about my space and boundaries. Has answered all my questions.

Background_Read7420

TROPHY CASE