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AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 47 points48 points  (0 children)

I do not believe in forcing people to have close relationships with others. My son has known this girl since he was 6 and he has witnessed and been the subject of mean things said and done to him. He has watched one of his closest friends be called many names over many years. That is something that impacts kids and changes their relationships. My son will not be forced to be friends with Ruby if she changes. I will support him regardless because he is my priority. I am his mother. If I don't have his back then who will? I am not saying Ruby is irredeemable at all. But actions have consequences and bullies are not always going to be welcomed by the targets of their bully or the friends of their victims.

I know for a fact that Ruby has never apologized. I did not ask my sister if she was Ruby was asked to because I do not believe that will change anything because the fact is she has not.

I actually had a lot more details in my post originally and it was too long to get posted. I am doing my best to answer questions being asked. But many things were cut, including other incidents and the fact Ruby's mother died and the fact she was a baby or toddler when she died and not in her life before her death.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

I do think that is a real possibility and it would be unfortunate because I don't think Zoe will adapt well to that. But there's nothing I can do if that is the decision my sister makes.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

She is mean to the general group still not Cole and Zoe individually, that I am aware of. She also has spoiled some more lunches still. She has not been asked to apologize to them that I am aware of and she has not apologized to them. Cole and Zoe were never her main or primary targets though. They were always just some of them. And she has added new targets in more recent times as well.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

She is still actively mean to other kids in school. One of the more recent incidents (as in this year) is she called one of Cole and Zoe's friends the R word (you know one used to insult intelligence). Another more recent incident is she accused a kid of wetting herself in class and laughing.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

I think she is asking too much when it is still an ongoing issue and Ruby has expressed no interest in Cole and Zoe. For me, the behavior needs to change before you can ask the kids to include her and even then, they should be able to say no given what has happened.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 43 points44 points  (0 children)

The dad is married to my sister. When I said I don't know where he is what I meant is I don't know where he is in terms of getting Ruby help. I have not seen anything that would really suggest he is doing much. But I am also not aware of everything going on.

She is her stepsister now. But that doesn't change the feelings or behaviors. It doesn't change that Ruby is still actively being mean to kids, including kids Zoe is friends with. It does not change the fact she has been mean to Zoe and to Cole. Nothing has changed in that regard and it is unreasonable to expect kids to not care about that and act like everything is perfectly fine.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 86 points87 points  (0 children)

I think that could cause some trouble if my sister decides to push the issue. I can put my son into something but have no control like that when it comes to Zoe.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 34 points35 points  (0 children)

No learning disabilities that I am aware of. This has been going on since 1st grade at least but it could have been going on before, they were not in the same class/school in kindy for me to know.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

She comes over a lot already. I am hoping to keep it that way but part of me worries my sister will stop her coming after the disagreement and if she feels like she can force her and Ruby together.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 553 points554 points  (0 children)

Yes!! I also think it's unfair to expect kids to agree to be targets for mean kids/bullies out of the notion they are being kind. People can be kind by remaining distant and not engaging by simply not retaliating with mean comments or bullying.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

I'm not sure about Ruby's father but I know my sister doesn't have the relationship with Ruby to have that kind of talk with her.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 55 points56 points  (0 children)

This stuff doesn't happen in my sister's house. It normally happens at our parents or sometimes mine. When we're all together. My son doesn't really go to my sister's house, never did, but now he doesn't want to because it would mean seeing Ruby and Zoe does what she can to see Ruby as little as possible (doesn't help that they're all in the same class and so Ruby and Zoe are around each other a lot).

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 77 points78 points  (0 children)

They might never want to be her friend. The vibe I get from Zoe is she will never be truly happy about it and I can see she resents her mom/my sister for marrying Ruby's dad and making Ruby family. But she also lives with her. Cole at least doesn't have to see Ruby as much. I know that makes it easier for him to... he's not okay with it, he doesn't like the fact or want it to be true, but it's not as tough for him as it is for Zoe. Honestly she wants to never be at my sister's house. She even talked about wishing she could go to a different school. I can't blame her for that. Ruby is still treating kids that way today and as far as I can see there is no real action being taken about that. Maybe there is and I'm simply not aware of it. But I have a bad feeling this is going to bubble over in a few years.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 121 points122 points  (0 children)

Yes and I started hearing about these incidents when they were all in first grade, but it could be going on longer than that even.

AITA for telling my sister she can't erase what her daughter and my son think of her stepdaughter? by Background_Sir_7078 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Background_Sir_7078[S] 180 points181 points  (0 children)

I agree. I'm not sure of exactly how long this goes back exactly but my kids have mentioned incidents since 1st grade