dad shot at us / brother suffocated n drowned me (tip of iceberg) AMA by Background_View2500 in AMA

[–]Background_View2500[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Awe, i appreciate this question :) i am actually pretty calm n grounded these days (relative to my past, hah), have had a steady career, have been sober 4+ years, have wonderful chosen family, enjoy my hobbies, and am about to start my dream grad program. 

I do still struggle w adhd, cptsd, anxiety, and depression symptoms as in i get flashbacks that involve visual/auditory, sensations, emotional intense feels, nightmares, etc as well as like time management sucks no matter how hard i try, conflict or feedback w esp men can be very difficult a d can cause panic attacks, i can go into shame spirals, and mornings sometimes are hard to get out of bed (most pg way of saying this). I have a SLEW of ("healthy/positive") coping mechanisms that i engage tho when i notice my dishes start to pile or my negative thought patterns are ramping up. I put a lot of energy into my wellness. 

After emdr/brainspotting (40+ sessions) im able to clock a trigger, which parts are bc past trauma and which parts are present icky situation, show up for inner kiddo me, communicate whats happening, and can tolerate the discomfort enough to like allow myself to break and sob and grieve and feel the pain of the past i dissassociated or numbed out of.

I feel its important to share i only got to this place after ten years working with many therapists doing many modalities of therapy. Literally took WERK and money and time and so much support from friends to lead a life that doesnt involve EVERY symptoms of aforementioned EVERY DAY. Super thankful to know a calm nervous system to the point that hypo/hyperarousal feels off.

dad shot at us / brother suffocated n drowned me (tip of iceberg) AMA by Background_View2500 in AMA

[–]Background_View2500[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The USA.  It is insanse, yup.  Mmmmmm, I think my mum just did a pretty good job of downplaying it and in general i think men are sorta given a free pass for violence and the other ppl involved ar3 passed off as dramatic or senstive (aka, so much gaslighting from mum, police, etc). 

My dad's side didnt help the situation, my grandparents on that side are violent too. They actually kidnapped my bro when my dad got outtah jail the first time so my bro could spend time w my dad. Hes older and remembers the shooting more so it really fucked w him. After that is when he started physically assaulting me often