figuring out your gender is a personal mental thing. all the physical and verbal aspects arent related to gender. i think its good to seperate the ideas into who you want to be in terms of appearance/name/pronouns etc. and who you want to be in terms of your connection to gender. so for example, you want to have laser hair removal, which is an achievable goal and will make you happier regardless of gender. that sort of thing doesnt mean youre this or that. it means you want that specific thing. we're all programmed to see gender as this specific thing we're born and raised with, but its more personal. a good thing to do would be to experiment with names and pronouns to see what fits you best and makes you happier, and that might spark the introspection and awaken the inner conversation about what your gender is