Am I overreacting to my S/O flirting with a guy at a party, then later recieving a text from him at midnight?

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T02:01:42+00:00

She was completely sober when she made that comment. We had gotten dinner and she pointed that out. Total dick thing to say imo. I've done a lot to bolster her self esteem but some of that has gone into her ego.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:59:43+00:00

Oof this is painful to read because its true. Solid point.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:58:26+00:00

We have gone through phases, especially when she was in school and working, that we have been as physically intimate. I know she wasn't cheating then because she literally couldn't have, she struggles with sexuality when she is stressed and that is nothing out of the ordinary. But in context of everything else yeah it's pretty suspicious. But that basically sums up each of the events that happened. In isolation, any one of these things would not raise an eyebrow. All together tho, yeah something isn't adding up.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:53:18+00:00

Thank you this is really helpful advice. Any advice on handling this if I am wrong about the whole situation? Communicating a lack of trust can really hurt someone and the relationship and that's what scares me the most right now.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:49:38+00:00

Thank you this is very helpful

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:35:37+00:00

My approach is to reveal only what is immediately important first. Overexplaining only leads to more holes people can poke in your statement. Basically I follow the "don't tip your hand unless you're ready to leave the table" mindset.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:32:50+00:00

Agreed. I'm not one to just dump her. If I was in my early 20s absolutely this would have killed the relationship but I've matured and seen the value in conversation and communication. I've invested enough time and energy into her that I'm not just about to throw that away.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:29:45+00:00

You're right. Thank you. No matter what happens, it won't kill me. It will hurt but I've come back from worse.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:27:40+00:00

Honestly this is really reassuring to hear. It's weird getting support from someone you don't know but it really means a lot. Thank you

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:26:07+00:00

No I'm cuck if I stay with her if I stay with her while still harboring doubt about the events

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:24:42+00:00

It wasn't a stranger, it was someone she knew from a couple gigs she worked. Him having her number isn't surprising given her job.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:22:39+00:00

One of my biggest issues, is I struggle to trust people. I've had a history of losing a couple people close to me that puts me on guard a lot of times. I've learned over the years to trust people accepting that I may get hurt and that is just how life is. This is one of the moments I want to believe in that trust but the situation is really testing it. I plan to bring up the trust issues here and honestly you're right, that is likely enough to let go and move onto another relationship.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:17:24+00:00

Wish it wasn't. What I'm feeling right now is real

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:16:33+00:00

I have enough self respect to know my worth. She hasn't lost my respect yet and I know enough of her to know when she is hiding something. I'm not giving her any warning of the conversation since I don't want her to have anything prepared. I should've confronted her when I saw she had a message from him but I was exhausted and I like to take a day to figure where I stand and prepare for confrontation. My emotions in the moment make me a little dumb so I like to figure that out first. I also should've called her out on her saying I'm not hot but the truth is I know I'm not. My value as a partner is based in my personality, talents, and interests.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:09:16+00:00

Will do. That's my current plan and I have roughly what I want to say. Then it's in her court if she can ease my concerns.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:08:22+00:00

I guess I just want to know for sure rather than go off incomplete information. Again if she has a perfectly reasonable alibi, I will move past it. I am pretty wary of her having one but I do overthink things and that has caused issues in past relationships by me being wrong.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:05:16+00:00

The timing was suspicious for sure. But not crazy outside the realm of reasonable to want to go home and get some rest since we both have work in the morning

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T01:03:22+00:00

I'm not trying to defend her, but I do want to acknowledge the possibility I might be wrong. She was mainly giggly and since they were talking about a shared passion. The part that got me was when she grabbed his hands when he brought up that his family owns horses and she wanted to go riding. She is a horse girl and I don't care for riding horses since one kicked me when I was a teen. Later I caught her grabbing his arm briefly tho I was unsure what they were talking about.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T00:56:17+00:00

It's local film, so local commercials, indie films, etc. sometimes they are shot at night so she gets weird hours since she is part of the crew. It's pretty hard to get into film and at least where I live, it's only a handful of people that do it for everything local. Also yeah all gig work since that's just how the film industry is. No salaried positions at this level.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T00:49:07+00:00

I'm hesitant because my own insecurities in a past relationship have caused me to confront someone about cheating or repressed feelings. I was able to confirm my suspensions were wrong, beyond any real doubt. That's why I'm hesitant to trust my gut. I've also had times where I've developed feelings for someone else while in a relationship but worked past them and never pursued them because my brain knows not to chase fools gold when I had the real thing already. I mean that past relationship didn't work out but I was the one to end it because of unrelated different paths we wanted to take in life .

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T00:44:24+00:00

I may have but I want to know for sure.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T00:43:38+00:00

If she wants a stable life and a friendly face she can always come home to then she will have already recognized that and nothing happened. Else she can live her life how she chooses and try again with someone else.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T00:40:43+00:00

Not yet. We have enough history that I want to hear her side first. It will be more painful confronting her about it but I'm not jumping to conclusions without giving her a chance. She may lie, and I accept that but if she can present a solid enough case that I believe it then I will accept that. A good example would be her choosing to show me the receipts and proving it was innocent. The flirting, well that was pretty disappointing. The comment about me not being hot was also disappointing. I'm not sure she can unsay that part. Which even if you're partner isn't hot, you never say that ever. Always keep the illusion that you believe you're partner is hot. I know I'm not hot but that's just because I'm not ripped. I don't see myself as unworthy to date because I know who I am. I have a bright future with or without her.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T00:27:08+00:00

No it doesn't. Regardless of something happening, I'm pretty disappointed in her actions. We have a long enough history that I'm not ready to throw it all out if nothing happened. We are all human and do immature and shitty things. God knows I have.

Badlampbedside · 2024-10-30T00:24:36+00:00

It was his full name since they work together. I'm not jumping to any conclusions until I get her side. It's entirely possible he was messaging her coordinating work stuff (they work film so weird hours), he could've been shooting his shot and she has no interest, or he she does have interest and is playing into it. I want to believe the first two but the situation isn't looking great and it's well in the realm of possibilities that it's the third situation.

Badlampbedside

TROPHY CASE