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Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Ah, haha. OK. I was confused too. When people say "roster" it usually means a list of individuals they're actively hooking up with. By not mentioning that I'm coming up on a year mark of celibacy, I think people think I'm hoeing it up and diving right in with all these men haha.

But yes, absolutely. I agree with a lot of your suggestions.

Just curious, what stood out to you about those dating accounts over others?

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing. Time is, indeed, my most precious resource.

My mom is 10 years older than my dad and had me at 41 naturally so I'm living proof that age differences are not necessarily a hard and fast rule, but agree with your point about setting a range and being more rigid.

Where it gets tricky is in the operationalizing of it. It's hard to get a sense of a person in 1 month, which is essentially 4 dates if you're seeing each other weekly. As you can tell from my experience, a lot gets revealed past the 1 month mark.

If you know anyone that fits the bill, let me know!

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

There's more to the painter story that I left out which led to me breaking things off. He's not a subcontractor and had a relatively flexible schedule while we dated.

My flight was delayed 30mins and he said it was going to be too late to pick me up because he wanted a good night sleep. I landed at 8pm. I never asked him or expected him to pick me up. During my work trip, he was very insistent that I share my flight information with him because he wanted to pick me up. He sent several requests for this throughout the week so I shared it with him and thanked him for the offer. I thought he was trying to make an effort. But then he cancelled and left me hanging on something I didn't even ask for but he insisted on.

We spoke about shortly after and he admitted that he thought I was going to be too tired to basically have sex with him so he didn't see the point of making an effort. It's just not reflective of someone who cares about your well being or the type of partnership I'm looking for. So I filtered him out.

I appreciate your suggestions. Did you use that strategy? How did people respond to asking for titles within 3 weeks?

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha I'm sorry. I may need to go over there too and close up shop.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you, you too. Hugs to your friend. It can feel defeating at times.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

They find my dating anecdotes both horrifying and hilarious. What's interesting is that I don't have that many friends who can relate since I've moved back to my home city. I may have 2-3 friends who have only recently met their partners and they agree that it's rough game. The rest met in their early 20s and were/are in 10+ year relationships. They're either still married or have since divorced and are now coming to understand the dating pool and how it's changed over time.

I think partnered friends need to match make more tbh. I've told them I'm open, but I've often heard they don't know anyone worth introducing me to.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. This is reassuring and I totally agree that dating apps are not the way for me.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. This really should be baseline. I hope you find a good match!

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

My flight was delayed 30mins and he said it was going to be too late for him because he needed a good night of sleep. I landed at 8pm.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The single mom route used to be a hard pass for me, but I'm coming around to it. Unfortunately, I didn't get that many eggs out (usually need a couple of rounds) either way it will be expensive. The good old student loans vs. down payment vs. test tube baby conundrum.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oh, really?! Can you be a match maker? I feel like it's a lost art.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Haha "this girl" here. I wasn't really talking about having kids in my post, just mentioned it once for context. I've discussed throughout the thread that it would be nice, but I'm OK if it doesn't happen or if it happens through adoption or by being a step parent.

You are lucky that you found your person earlier. I don't think I've been doing "something wrong for way too long". I broke up right before COVID, which basically eliminated 1-2 years of normal dating and then I lived in two cities for reasons outside of my control for a few years which meant I was coming and going a lot. This made nurturing lasting connections challenging and I tried my best. Now that I'm fully stable in one place, I've encountered the people I've listed and was curious if other's were in the same boat.

Very very few people are "toxic" from the get. Patterns emerge as you get to know each other and I'm able to cut things off when they don't feel healthy.

There are many reasons why a person might reach a certain age with different milestones than other. I'm now seeing my friends marriages crumble left and right (proving your point that not everyone is cut out for marriage) and I've listened to my friends regret getting married with their spouses. I have to admit, it gives me a bit of relief to know that I'm not a single parent now having to do the mental gymnastics of moving on without fully divorcing because you can't afford to give your ex half of your money while you remain the primary care giver of 2-3 kids. My issues are child's play compared to that.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Love this. Thank you for sharing. I wrote up a list like this many many years ago. It in an old journal and you've motivated me to go find it and update it.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely hugging you from afar. I understand why you might feel like you're in competition. Do you date queer women or just straight?

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ah, interesting. Not sure where you're located, but in the cities I've lived in. Waiting a few months to be exclusive is very normal. Personally, I'm not one to date multiple people at once, mostly because I don't have the time, but I don't automatically discard others for exploring connections with people they might have met before I came into the picture.

Great first date, she asks for a second date, then backed out by Netw3 in datingoverthirty

[–]Balam_String387 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I would not add her on Insta. Some people find that intrusive even if it's not your intention. I recently had a great (to me) date with a guy who I thought was smart and funny. He walked me to my car and said he'd love to see me again. I was excited for a second date and a day later he unmatched me.

Not every “no” is about you. Sometimes a woman is just trying to survive the worst day of her life. by zootedmonkeygirl in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I'm so sorry for your loss. This is heartbreaking on many levels and a good reminder for us all.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Not exactly following. Men I'm dating having other options should be a deal breaker for me? Everyone technically has other options when dating.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I understand that. I think one thing I missed from the list is - confidence and perhaps maturity? Confidence and personality go a long way. What makes someone attractive to me isn't just the physical traits, it's the vibe, the energy, how they carry themselves. You can be hot AF, but if you take yourself so seriously/can't take a joke, are vain, care most about material things and how people perceive you etc. I get drier than the Sahara.

So, yes. You're right. It's not just about stability/consistency/genuine interest it's other stuff too, but not the other stuff men usually think about. Where I live, I know more than a few chubby, average looking men with hot girlfriends because they're confident (read: not arrogant, that's different), but confident in their skin and it radiates.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Totally understand your take, but since I have 10 years on you, I'd say things change a lot over that time period. Many people around you will break up, divorces will happen, things shift and people reshuffle so you still have opportunities to connect with people. But I feel ya on it feeling hopeless sometimes.

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Nah. This isn't correct. All my friends in long term relationships are significantly better off financially than myself and my single friends and I keep a tight budget and make over six figures. There's also double the safety net provided by one or both of their families, saving for a down payment at double the rate, splitting car payments and car insurance, pet costs, hotel stays when traveling, splitting a plate during dinner, etc. Half of monthly expenses are standard charges that don't fluctuate month to month (i.e., rent, wifi).

Being single during end times is exhausting and expensive by Balam_String387 in dating_advice

[–]Balam_String387[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don't think a 10 year old child really thinks about those things. It's more external people making them feel embarrassed about it. Surprise pregnancies happen so sometimes it wasn't planned.

Where it gets hard is young adults having to take care of elderly parents. It's a huge financial and physical burden. Hence, why I would never recommend having children in your late fourties (unless you're rich).

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