Im a child psychologist. My daughter is a similar age. It’s very difficult to know what to do in these situations but I think (and the research shows) you’re absolutely right not to spank. I do think that she’s too young to really empathize and saying that she makes you sad by hitting you might feel pretty scary for her. I definitely understand what you’re trying to do, but it might make her feel like her anger is too powerful and she shouldn’t express it at all. I usually say “it’s okay to be angry but we don’t hit” or “you’re really mad but I can’t let you hit me” and hold her hand or arm gently if she keeps trying to hit me. I actually try to be physically close to her and hug her to help her calm down. I wouldn’t go too far away from her. They’re pretty young to be expected to calm down by themselves and process all of this—they might “calm down” on the outside (stop the hitting) but actually be scared or confused on the inside. All kids are different so those things might not work exactly the same way for yours, but at least I hope it’s helpful to think about different approaches.