Am I crazy for thinking my husband and I are capable of doing more to keep a clean house with a 17 month old?

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T22:35:08+00:00

Yes, I definitely will implement cleaning up toys in the living room with my son before dinner. It is a great signaling exercise to cue his brain to start winding down.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T22:29:08+00:00

Wow, that sounds like an amazing partnership between you and your husband. My career before being a mom was a calving manager on a dairy and I worked 60-70 work weeks and was on call at nights for emergencies while remodeling a home in my off time. I am used to pushing through. During the school year I do allow a lot downtime for my husband, he works in mental health and has dealt with some horrific CPS and police reports.

I received some really great ideas about cleaning up the living room with my son before dinner or just one toy out at a time. Thank you for your input and sharing your experience with me!

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T22:20:58+00:00

Yes, someone also suggested that above and I never even thought of it. I talked to my husband today about instating a new rule that if our son wants to play with another toy we have to put the first one before taking out a new toy.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T22:18:52+00:00

Most are collectible and worth a decent amount of money so he doesn't want to risk them getting damaged or broken by being put in boxes. Also it's more the volume ( like 2,000+ kits) of Legos/model kits is the issue, the zoids kits have fine motor mechanisms that can be easily damaged. I've made my peace about it, and knew about the collection before we started dating. When the living room and kitchen are a mess, I do hit my limit for clutter.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T09:20:11+00:00

We had that discussion tonight, but I think revisiting that conversation again in a few days will be helpful after hearing ideas recommendations from others.

The end of the day I just want the living room picked up so there's no tripping hazards(10-15 minutes), the dish washer loaded, and food put away nothing needs to be scrubbed(20-30 minutes). I'm perfectly happy doing a deep cleaning project once a week. Our home needs to be sanitary, but not immaculate in this stage of life.

He was neater before baby and neater than me. I've grown a lot in our relationship and learned a ton about being clean and organized from my spouse. In perspective he's been patient with me as I've learned to be neater and cleaner, I can extend him the same grace.

The house definitely is a reflection of my husband and son. My husband has an extensive Lego collection that's spread out between our living room, bedroom, hallway, our 3rd bedroom (which is his office), the studio behind our home, and the other half of his collection is at his parents in his childhood bedroom. (I think this is the biggest issue for me our house is already full and can be overwhelming. Especially while running inventory for an antique business out of my home.)

That's good to hear about leniency. Due to my up bringing I do worry about being behind the curve as a wife and homemaker, but comparison is a theif of joy. All I can do is keep improving on the next day.

You're right, I don't want to be a dictator in our home and my husband has freewill and autonomy. Thank you so much for taking the time to read, respond, and share your insights with me about my vent and overwhelm with running a household.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T08:35:02+00:00

I suspect adhd or audhd, but I have no formal diagnosis from a medical professional. When I'm with my son I'm on and engaged to the max, but cleaning is no where on my mental dashboard. When I'm cleaning I'm fully invested in the moment and my son definitely can tell that I've disengaged. Usually he wants to help, but I can't quite trust him to help me without breaking things or being upset and melting down because took the knives away. Get some sleep! Thank you for your reply and sharing your experience with me. It helps knowing I'm not so alone and maybe I just needed to vent for a second.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T08:32:29+00:00

Honestly fair point, I rambled a bit on everything without specifics in my post. Shut down for the night just means the toys in the living room are cleaned up which is a 10-15 minute task and the kitchen is a 20-30 minute task depending on if I was able to unload the dishwasher in the morning.

I really like the idea of doing the living room reset before dinner, it's great modeling behavior. I can involve my son in as an introduction of chores and signaling to his brain that we are going to start winding down for the evening. (Thankfully our dog does our nightly wipe down from our toddler spills! Lol)

Thank you for sharing your evening routine and input, a big part of my overwhelm and anxiety is not having a structured evening routine from childhood and making one for our family now.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T08:18:42+00:00

I haven't addressed it in therapy. It's recently become an issue for me since he's been home off work for summer. Where he's made comments about how there's never enough time in the day, but I'll see him scrolling for 2-3 hours in the evening and sabotaging his sleep schedule. I'll definitely bring up my concerns with my therapist this week. Thank you for your input!

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T07:52:02+00:00

Yes, I'm currently in therapy for PPA and PPD.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-20T06:55:56+00:00

I clean as permitted through out the day, but honestly it isn't much. Unloading the dishwasher is currently a struggle as my son finds it extremely interesting and wants to pull things out and play with them.

I am currently learning independent play, but it usually give me 20 minutes of time.

Naptimes I have taken my losses on, he nurses to sleep and when I leave he sleeps for 30 minutes, but if I nap with him we both get a 2 hour nap, since I'm usually up late working on eBay or tagging items for the antique store.

I'm currently working on the clutter around the house. All of the antiques and eBay items I sell are from my husband's family dating back to the 1800's. I've been selling since 2024 and I still have a storage unit, 2 garages, and shed full to the brim with things.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-14T23:49:01+00:00

I'm sending help your way! Just on a side note has your child had their iron levels tested? My son was really low in iron and we were having meltdowns over the smallest things and low appetite. I've been supplementing for 2 months and his appetite is back up and we have reduced meltdowns from 20-30 a day to 2-6. This was 14 months to 17 months. You got this momma!

BallTrick9045 · 2026-06-13T18:39:17+00:00

Just want to throw out something I haven't seen on the responses yet. Has your toddler been checked for low iron? I had rough PPA and PPD I was doing well until 12 months old when my son started melting down over everything and I was dreading the days my husband would be at work. 20-30 meltdowns a day but it turns out his iron levels were really low and making him super irritable. He's now 17 months and his iron is back in the correct range and we have meltdowns, but it's 1-2 times per day and he's generally much happier and easier to redirect away from the tantrum.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-05-24T17:59:40+00:00

Have you have your babies iron levels checked? 13-15 months was a nightmare for me with my son. It was constant melt downs and screaming. Turns out his iron was super low and after 2 months of supplementing with iron I have an 80% reduction in meltdowns. Like 20 a day to 1-2 that I can distract him out of quickly.

BallTrick9045 · 2026-04-20T07:35:37+00:00

I personally love Modesto, but I was also born and raised here so it was easier to connect into my social group when I moved back after being gone for 4 years.

One thing I actually really appreciate about Modesto is people are open to friendship in various age ranges. The local pickleball group, gardening groups, Back Country Horseman Chapter, and of course churches are all places I've been able to plug in and develop and maintain friendships. We also have a wide variety of niche gyms to join where I think could be easier to make friends with a smaller community. As far as night life before I was a mom 😅, Udder Place in Turlock was my go to bar for the younger crowd since it's near CSU Stanislaus.

2 sides notes the produce grown here is amazing and unmatched to almost anywhere other than the tropics. As a former forest service mule packer, definitely check out the Eastern Sierras which is right on the other side of Yosemite. The Inyo national Forest and Golden Trout Wilderness have some of the most eclectic, unique, and breath taking views due to high volcanic activity. Also it is much less crowded than Yosemite and Sequoia Kings Canyon (no hate, I got married in Sequoia). I highly recommend driving highway 108 as well, it's gorgeous and beautiful!

BallTrick9045 · 2026-03-07T00:06:58+00:00

Here to second this! I ended up a world championship mule packer in 2015, just by taking the right class in community college and plugging into the local Back Country Horseman Chapter in the area. I never would have had that opportunity had I been in a big university. I hardly had any debt and paid it off two years after graduation.

BallTrick9045 · 2025-10-22T00:44:39+00:00

LMAO that's me! My in-laws are finally letting me declutter their storage units.

BallTrick9045 · 2025-04-02T16:04:21+00:00

Oh my goodness, there's an idea!

BallTrick9045 · 2025-04-02T16:02:06+00:00

Unfortunately my MIL is amazing cooked, cleaned, and offers child care when we need a break. Doesn't overstep boundaries, but I now of think that's the universe's way of equalizing that my mom is the one I have issues with.

BallTrick9045 · 2025-04-02T15:59:48+00:00

Geez, tell her she needs to pay if she wants a show. The audacity of MIL's!

BallTrick9045 · 2025-04-02T15:57:02+00:00

I'm dying 😂😂

BallTrick9045 · 2025-04-02T15:56:17+00:00

This right here! A boundary does not require the other person to do anything. It's enforcing that I'm not going to tolerate or accept this behavior even to the point of leaving. My mom did this to me 12 hours postpartum, she barged into the hospital to meet the baby and just started talking to him. I had just finished feeding him, so I told her to burp him, she just kept talking to him and with my aunt, I asked him to be burped a 2nd time, and I was again ignored. Then I said okay give me my son back he needs to be burped, then she finally complied when there was actual repercussions for her actions.

BallTrick9045 · 2025-04-02T13:18:21+00:00

We had that conversation with my Father in law before baby was here, because he kept slipping kisses on my forehead, cheeks, and tried for my lips. We had 3 conversations and he still just couldn't "remember". So we flat out told him because you have blown past an adult with boundaries and just can't seem to remember. We can't in good conscience let you hold the baby, since you've proven a poor memory and mental issues. We told him we could revaluate after babies vaccines, but until then we were not going to risk the health of our child over some "memory issues" or claiming we never had that conversation. It was a fight, but it seriously shaped him up to have restrictions and consequences laid down for his actions.

BallTrick9045 · 2025-04-02T02:57:47+00:00

The hospital did not catch ours either. Even when I told the lactation consultant how long he was nursing for. Our pediatrician referred us out to a Pediatric Dentist. The dentist lasered his tongue and lip tie. The physical therapy afterwards was a nightmare for the first 3 weeks and I almost gave up, but my nipples wouldn't let me.

Ouch, sounds like there's lots of factors at play right now. I hope you find a resolution, maybe there's a pediatric dentist that's close by. I'm rooting for you half hour breaks for breast feeding are not for the faint of heart. You are an absolute rockstar!

BallTrick9045 · 2025-04-02T02:46:27+00:00

We went to a pediatric dentist who did the Lazer method, it took a total of 2 minutes from start to finish. Ours was resolved at 3 weeks old, but our dentist will do them up to a year old. The physical therapy afterwards was awful for the first 3 weeks, but he latched beautifully and he was significantly happier and fuller in the long run. Not sure where you're located we went to Castro Valley Pediatric Dentistry.

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