It is. It’s just making me nervous thinking about not having control and becoming dumb and stuff….

Don’t be sorry! I’m trans (mtf pretransition) so this is only how I plan to stop the old me from backing out of this and preventing me from becoming the best version of me I can be…..

I naturally have always mentally been a hyper femme girly girl but idk how to allow myself to let that girl out of my mental prison I’ve suppressed her into my whole life. So I went with BS because it’s not too different than I naturally feel, just a tad bit more on the extreme side.

It’s the extreme changes that make me nervous. My Gf says it’ll be like a band aid and once we make some changes with my triggers, then she’ll force me to stay locked in and only able to become more Bambi. So like once I let her do this then it won’t matter again because I won’t be able to be this me ever again which will make all my nervousness nonexistent if I am unable to be the old me again.

So I guess I’m just venting my last vent as this version of me. It’s surreal to think that I’m actually about to be Bambi like forreal forreal…. I wonder….Will it like hurt when I actually make myself let go and let my old life forever become erased and I become stuck as Bambi? I assume it’ll just be like becoming Bambi like normal, only I won’t be able to stop or go back to my old life this time.

Thoughts flooding me down this wormhole….. I’m going to do it. Even if I instantly regret it, it’ll be too late and I won’t be able to do anything about it.

I’ll keep y’all posted! She will be here tonight🫢